It’s true. I am overly fascinated with the johns of the middle ages. It began last summer in Copenhagen and is a trend that has fortunately (or unfortunately) followed me to Germany. Lucky for me, there are lots of old-time dwellings down the Rhine.

We visited one of them — Marksburg Castle in Braubach — last weekend during another pilots’ friends-and-family field trip (also organized by Deb McLauchlin). Marskburg is the only knight’s castle along the Rhine that is still standing in its original form, never having been destroyed by fire or war. After trekking the enormous hill to get there, I wouldn’t be surprised if the enemies just gave up and opted for a castle closer to river-level.

Here it is, the marvel on the hill, with the original part of the tower built in the 1200s. A number of families took ownership of, and subsequently expanded, the original building. For a number of years, the castle served as a state prison.

The castle is actually still home to the head of the German Castles Association today and is complete with modern living quarters, which unfortunately were not a part of our tour.   Can you imagine inviting your friends over for a cookout — in a castle!?!

I wonder if they still use this kitchen for their dinner parties. Check out this Gothic Hall fireplace, large enough to accommodate an entire ox on a spit. Those were some hungry knights.

Our English-speaking tour guide explained to us that it was considered rude to excuse yourself from dinner conversation, even to use the latrine. So, the toilet was located right next to the table, and when one had to go, he simply went to the bathroom — with the door WIDE open –and continued on with the dinner conversation. (This strange dinner custom seemed slightly less odd to me after learning on a castle tour in Denmark that during 24-course royal meals, servants would provide buckets — yes, barf buckets — so that diners could make room for additional dishes. It was considered impolite not to finish … but somehow, vomiting at the table was deemed acceptable).

This is me, posing with the toilette.

You might ask, “sans modern-day plumbing, where does ‘it’ flow?” The answer, “to the ground below!” (Actually, kind of into the garden.). Honestly, the servants of the middle ages had it pretty rough. (Another shout-out to Denmark…in some Danish castles, people would just relieve themselves on the floor, and then — like stable hands — housekeepers would quite literally ‘muck’ the castle floors.)

One of my favorite parts of the tour was this enormous wine cellar, with barrel after barrel of vino.

After the toilet, the torture chamber was my next favorite part of the tour — not because of what happened here, but because I consider anything with shock value to be extremely entertaining. Everything from devices that would attach to and squeeze your thumbs (shown below), to tables, ropes and weights that would stretch your body until, well, your bones no longer connected at the joints — they had it all. Terrible. If castle-cleaners had it rough back then, criminals had it even worse!

Breezy and Kaya stayed home for this trip, but in case you were wondering, dogs ARE allowed — so long as they don’t use the trail up to the castle as a “dog toilet.”

Translation: “The way is not a dog toilet.”

Following the tour, we had some local cuisine in the cute town of Braubach, and I had my first wienerschnitzel (basically, a breaded and fried pork cutlet). This of course came with french fries, or “frittes.”

This is one of my favorite shots from town — old socks, and a sneaker, being used as planters.

We ended the trip with gelato that was possibly more delicious than anything I’ve sampled in Italy — and for only 70-cents a scoop! (Compare that to 2.50 Euro for a single scoop in Koeln).

Looking forward to more day trips. We have a lot of castles to check off our list.

Today, we’re off to IKEA (well, maybe, if Jeff feels better).  However, at IKEA, we will be searching for furniture that will last us not 800 years, but at least two.