I always feel this way. Like I’m never quite enough. Sometimes just feel like I’m tredding water or spinning my wheels. I keep wanting to reach for more. I spend my whole day waiting for night. Then sleep so tomorrow comes.  Never feel completely whole. Always waiting for “that thing”.  So wish I could appreciate  all I have achieved but my  restless soul isn’t satisfied. Really don’t know what it will take tosatisfy it. Which I did know.

Having said that, I learned entire GRIT Ploy release today. Coached whole release to myself. Got most of it and definely know my plyo track. Tomorrow I focus on Strength. I know my track but want to learn whole release. This training is the one I feel least prepared for. Hope I have stamina to get through both days. Style of coaching outside my comfort zone yet I do this in the classroom everyday. Instruct, model, modify where needed, and encourage.  It’s what I do every day. So I should be able to do it on the gym floor. One would think, yet I’m terrified.  Having said all that i am going in with sponge like mentality to absorb all I can .

Yet I want to learn and improve. To feel alive and make a difference. After GRIT training I have Pump AIM 1 in November. And just registered for Baltimore Super Q a week after. Looking forward to opportunity to grow and learn.  

All of this and still lacking the one thing all humans need. One day, when the time is right. Not saying I need a man to be completed. I don’t. Happier now than I ever was married. But everyone needs a human connection. To feel wanted and desired. To have someone to share “stuff” with. But the time isn’t right. Not yet. Need to let what’s happening at home take its course.  

 Timing. It is everything.