I know, mandatory is a funny word to dislike so strongly.
I see way too many emails from adults to young people with the word mandatory. I should actually start by describing the 3 levels of mandatory I am talking about:
Level 1 – mandatory
Level 2- MANDATORY
Level 3 – MANDATORY
You may be familiar with this strategy of using different combinations of capitalization, italics, bold, and sometimes underline to convey the degree of mandatory-ness.
So, I do get it. The writer of the email wants to ensure that the young person completes the thing or attends the thing that is the subject of the message. But mandatory is about absolutes, and we should use them sparingly.
And do we really mean mandatory? If you have COVID is the deadline still mandatory? If your parent is sick in the hospital is it still mandatory? If it is your grandmother’s 100th birthday, is it mandatory? Because if we use mandatory, it is mandatory, isn’t it?
You see I have spent many years in the adult world, and there are a lot of things in my life which are important and I should prioritize, but very few things in my life that are really mandatory.
For many, young people should be allowed to make choices, as long as they choose what we want them to choose.
Now if you are coaching a team, or rehearsing a play or preparing for an exam, you want the young people to attend your thing. You want them to prioritize your thing over other things.
But, as I often see, everything is mandatory, how is that fair? We say we want young people to do lots of activities, and have lots of experiences but we penalize them when they don’t always prioritize what we want them to prioritize.
Now, as kids get older and can specialize more, there will absolutely be consequences if something is not a priority. If you are the lead in the musical but only prioritize half the rehearsals you will probably be replaced. And if you only prioritize half the study sessions for the AP Exam, you should not be surprised if you score a 2.
I coach in a high level club basketball program where teenagers choose to participate and much of their fees are covered by sponsors. As student get older they need to prioritize this if they want to participate. There are lots of options for them to participate with basketball so asking them to prioritize is fair.
I think we can get to a similar place without the M word. We should have real conversations with young people about priorities. We should talk about trade-offs, and be open to allowing young people to not always prioritize our thing.
So if you see yourself using mandatory in your email to young people – stop it. Find another way to convey importance but allow young people choice, agency and ownership.
I feel this should be a mandatory read for so many people.
A spot on post Chris….is it mandatory that a student “study” Philosophy 12 during the scheduled period, or is it a better lesson for the student to prioritize their learning and study for a biology test that they are receiving in the next period. Far too often we (educationalists) get caught in the rigidity (mandatory aspect) of school.
To learn to prioritize is, arguably, one of the most important skills for life. Thanks for sharing.
Brilliant Chris!! Thank you for this insight. Our uouth feel like there is no flexibility or choice but instead have to fill the shoes of past generations and the path that was expected. When we let our youth choose their own path they will fly. Parents and educators are just the supporting role in the story of their lives. It’s not our role to write it for them filled with have to’s, should have’s and mandatory roles to play. Bravo for shedding a new perspective 🙏🙏
Did you see that in England there are fines for many absences because attendance is mandatory? And a parent wondering about the cost of the fine vs savings of cheaper holiday: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/consumer-affairs/can-take-child-school-go-holiday-save-money/
Much different from our approach in BC (mind you I always emphasized ‘just enjoy the vacation’ when asked to prepare homework for an upcoming absence; and agreed with the observation ‘won’t they be behind when we get back?’