• I was about to make a post about like… how my family has this lemon tree out front, and one of the funniest things about having a lemon tree is occasionally I’ll be out in front doing whatever and I’ll see someone walking past and quickly grab a lemon off the tree and stuff it in their pockets as quick as they can like they’re shoplifting. 

    I was about to make a post about how that’s funny and how, y’know people can have our lemons, it’s not a big deal because the tree pumps them out like gangbusters, but I really can’t make that post without thinking of… them…

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  • I’ll admit it, OP. As soon as you mentioned your family had a lemon tree in their yard I wanted to ask you how they were dealing with the whore infestation.

  • I did this with a fig tree once while hungover as shit and on a walk of shame. Best damn figs I ever ate in my LIFE.

  • when i was a teenager in san diego i was an absolutely unrepentant orange thief. climbed a fence to reach a particularly good pomegranate too. scrumping is a noble tradition of whores stretching back centuries and i won’t hear a word against it

  • I understood what it meant from the context, but I had to look it up cuz no fucking way is that a real word. And

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    It is. Scrumping.