It’s the most wonderful time of year — except when your two-year-old tot is having a temper tantrum.
With the holiday season in full swing, experts are sharing the top ways to stop kids melting down in agony.
“Younger children are easily affected by even slight changes in routine, and all kids pick up on increased stress and strong emotions their parents or caregivers may be exhibiting,” Melissa Buchholz, PsyD, a pediatric psychologist at Children’s Hospital Colorado told Romper.
“This time of year is often packed full of extra activities. While these things can be fun and exciting, they can also cause breaks in routine, disrupt predictability, and increase dysregulation — or meltdowns.”
Below, Buchholz and other experts dish the best advice for handling and preventing tantrums for children and parents alike.
Regulate your own emotions
Kids learn by example and one of the best ways to show your kids to keep their cool is by keeping calm yourself.
“It’s important to remain as calm as possible, and while this can be difficult, the more upset you become, the more upset the child will become, because they’ll pick up on your mood and energy,” Anne Inwood, an early intervention clinical social worker and founder of Successful Families Together in Chicago, told The Bump.
Take your kid aside
When your kid is having a meltdown, taking them aside might help them calm down. Sometimes a distraction like a change in scenery is all they need.
“Removing them even temporarily will help them calm down and relax,” Inwood said.
Experts also suggest offering your kid a sip of water, a hug or a stuffed animal before returning to a bigger group setting.
“If necessary, delay a return to the bigger group and make some intimate fun—read a book together, sing a song or pretend to cast a spell and send those bad feelings packing,” John Maypole, MD, a pediatrician at the Boston Medical Center, told The Bump.
Establish a routine
Sometimes establishing a routine around the holiday times can be challenging if you’re traveling or hosting lots of family and friends.
Rachel Robertson, child development expert and VP of Learning & Development at Bright Horizons, told Romper that making the day predictable for your kid can help them
This can include consistent meal times and sleep schedules — anything that establishes a routine.
Discussing plans in advance can also make children feel more in control.
“Parents should talk with their children in a way that’s right for their age to give them a sense of where they’re going, who is coming and what will happen,” Maypole added.
Manage your expectations and take notes
Roberston said self-control is very hard for young children, so asking it of them can elicit an outburst. She said parents expect kids to know how to regulate their emotions without teaching them how.
Taking note of when and why children have tantrums can help you prevent them in the future. Some of these times may be when they are hungry, being made to interact with strangers or late at night.
Calming activities in a separate space
Setting aside space and time for reading, storytelling, or a sensory activity like drawing can keep kids engaged.
“Alone time can be as important as naptime, and giving children a chance to be on their own or with siblings may allow them to recharge and be ready to reenter the holiday fray,” Maypole explained.
Take care of yourself
Being a parent can be a thankless job and it’s important to be kind to yourself even when your kids are having a hard time, social workers Kim Abra, and Marney Studaker-Cordner wrote in an essay for Empowering Parents.
Caring for yourself means not comparing yourself to other family members or what you think a “perfect” family should be.
Don’t blame your kids for ruining your holiday
Blaming your kids can make them feel angry or resentful.
The message your kids gets is: “If you hadn’t been behaving this way, things would be fine. You’re ruining Christmas for us,” Abra and Studaker-Cordner explained.
It also tells your kids they have the power to control their emotions based on how they behave. The social workers suggest doing something like making a favorite meal or calling an old friend to make your holiday brighter.
