DVD Review: WEW Nude War Games (22 May 2007)

Women’s Extreme Wrestling hosts a five match card at New Alhambra Arena (ECW Arena) in Philadelphia, PA. Two championships are on the line – with one being a guarantee of seeing a title change due to it being vacant – as well as a Blindfold Match and a Hardcore Street Fight.

Results
1. Lucy Furr defeated T.H.A.I. in a Blindfold Match when T.H.A.I. passed out in a “smother”.
2. Jazz made Christie Ricci tap out to an STF.
3. Annie Social & Sumie Sakai beat the Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew (Lacey & Rain) to win the vacant WEW Tag Team Championship. Sakai pinned Lacey with a schoolboy.
4. The Hardcore Street Fight between Amy Lee & Butch went to a no-contest.
5. Talia Madison pinned Angel Orsini with a tornado bulldog headlock to win the WEW Championship.

Highlights
• Lucy Furr (AKA Daffney) cheated in her Blindfold Match to beat T.H.A.I. Lucy took off her blindfold to attack her opponent, and nobody could admonish her as the ref is “blind” and doing a Stevie Wonder send-up. Lucy smothered T.H.A.I. with her bosom until she is unconscious, and even though she’s on her front, the ref counted her down.
• Jazz beat Christi Ricci with an STF, which was apparently the same move she used to win on the previous WEW show.
• Annie Social and Sumie Sakai won the vacant WEW Tag Team Championship by beating the Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew. Sakai and Social are painted as a real odd couple with a real language gap.
• Amy Lee and Butch (who is Canadian Jaime D, AKA Sirelda in TNA) go to a no-contest in their Hardcore Street Fight when the ref is sandwiched between them as they go through a table. Another ref throws the match out.
• Talia Madison (AKA Velvet Sky) won the WEW Championship from Angel Orsini thanks to an assist from her manager Noel Harlow. Jazz then came out to stake her claim to the belt.

Observations
• It must be stressed, despite the title of the show, there is no War Games match anywhere, no reference to it, and as far as the in-ring product is concerned, there is no nudity, so it’s pretty misleading for anyone who buys this based on the title.
• The DVD starts with with Amber O’Neal and Francine getting tarot card readings. Francine’s pissed, while Amber is well into it, but gets dragged away. Weirdly, Amber is never seen again. Things get weirder though.
• There are good opening graphics let you know of all of the matches. We get moving images and everything, so some effort has gone into the presentation.
• The Blindfold Match is played for laughs, but it’s never made out to be amusing on commentary, and the fans don’t laugh along or react to Lucy’s shenanigans. For that reason, it doesn’t go over at all.
• Francine’s commentary is horrendous. She doesn’t really establish who is the face and the heel because she runs down most of the roster and is only concerned with putting herself over. Her work is totally counterproductive. However, she just talks for so long that you end up tuning her out.
• There are three video interludes featuring un-named nude girls pretty much just sitting there or writhing about in slow motion. They’re not part of the cards, so I can’t explain exactly why it’s on a wrestling DVD. Not sexy, and is gratuitous. Besides, if you want nude women, you can easily find that on the Internet… so I’m told.
• Bill Alfonso is WEW’s General Manager, still doing the ECW schtick even though ECW had gone the way of the dodo six years previously. He comes out to declare that the WEW Tag Team Titles are vacant, after stripping them from April Hunter and Talia Madison, with new champions being crowned later in the night. We don’t know why he’s done that, nor says who the teams competing for the belts will be. No reaction from the crowd at all.
• A new female ref is introduced in a very small monokini, shaking her ass and allowing herself to be spanked. She’s never seen again either.
• Jazz is using the awesome music that she had for SHINE. Her match against Christie Ricci was perfectly fine. Not long, but pretty fun.
• Lucy Furr accompanies Lacey and Rain to the ring, so from that, you can conclude that Lucy was a heel in the opening match, as it wasn’t clear. You couldn’t tell earlier, but Lucy is sporting a scary pair of black eyes.
• At some point during the Tag Team Title match, Alfonso comes back out and stands with Lucy Furr, so I guess Fonzie is a heel commissioner, though that’s never cleared up either, as he did nothing after that.
• Amy Lee cut a backstage promo, calling her the “madam of WEW’s brothel”, yelling at Butch, but never addresses her by name. No swearing though, which I’m stunned by, considering how colourful her language is in Women Superstars Uncensored.
• Some pretty “interesting” stuff in the Hardcore Street Fight between them. Quite a few unprotected shots to the head with chairs and cookie sheets (though the one protected one looked really fake), and at one point, Lee attempts to rape her opponent with a rolling pin. The no-contest ruling was an unsatisfactory ending to a plodding walkabout brawl.
• We get a pair of promos ahead of the title match main event. Angel Orsini is complaining about having to defend the belt against Talia Madison, while Talia is complaining about how she’s being made to dress in a bathroom while pointing out that she’s better looking than her opponent. I have no idea who the babyface is supposed to be, as both appeared to be so unlikeable. As it turns out, Orsini is the babyface, as she’s high-fiving fans on her way out.
• There were moments when time stood still as Orsini fed Talia for quick pinning attempts at the start of the match. Madison also held onto Angel’s leg during a gutwrench suplex attempt and almost got dumped on her neck, and to compound the face/heel confusion, Orsini dominates much of the match, making Madison the underdog. Talia got the pin with a tornado bulldog, but it was one ugly contest.
• More confusion after the bell. Orsini attacks Talia, but is run off by Jazz, who congratulates the new champ, only to lay her out and declare that she wants a shot at the belt. I have no idea who I’m supposed to cheer for anymore.

Match of the Night
Annie Social & Sumie Sakai v The Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew
Sakai starts out the tag match, having her way with both Lacey and Rain, and nails her camel clutch spot early on Rain. Social tagged in and was swiftly kneed in the back by Lacey on the outside, who comes back in and takes over.

Back in the ring, the Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew take over by attacking the back of Annie and nailing some of their tag team moves like the drop toe-hold/running elbowdrop, while Lucy distracts and annoys Sakai from the outside. However, Social nailed Rain with some forearms to create some space for the hot tag to Sumie, who cleans house and nails both with Fisherman Busters. Lucy tries to interfere again, but Lacey accidentally nails her and is rolled up for the pin to win the belts. It is a pretty basic tag match, but at least it has some excitement to it, which is a step up from the other matches on this show.

Overall Impressions
I bought this DVD on a whim about two years ago with some leftover gift vouchers I got from my job. That’s right – I picked up this DVD, put it on the counter and saw the look on the clerk’s face as he realised what I was buying. No, this is not porn, but you really, REALLY have to look hard to realise that – it says both NUDE and PUSSY WORLD ORDER on the cover, for crying out loud, and has not one mention anywhere of the word “wrestling” anywhere on the box, be it on the front, back or spine.

The reason why I bought it is because I wanted to see what this was all about, but didn’t want to pay actual money for it. I also chose this specific DVD because of the lineup. I didn’t know who Amy Lee was at the time, could not have worked out who Butch was and still have no idea who T.H.A.I. is, but the rest of the names were ones that I recognised. For that reason, I went with it and hoped for the best. After all, these names are unlikely to have been involved in some sort of softcore skinflick.

Jazz v Ricci and the two title matches are the ones that feature the most wrestling while the other two are hindered by their stipulations, but for the most part, the wrestling is nothing to shout about. It’s not bad, it’s not great – it’s just all a bit dull.

The crowd is pretty healthy for an all-women show – at the time, WSU was only two months old while SHIMMER was yet to crown a champion and the shows had only just hit double figures, and a lot of top grapplers went through WEW like the ones on this show as well as names like Mercedes Martinez and Cat Power, so it does have proper in-ring credentials. It purports itself to be sexy-edgy, but if you take out the three interludes featuring women who have seemingly lost their clothes and can only exist by writhing around in slow motion – this was a standard wrestling show – and a boring one at that. Thankfully, it is only 80 minutes long, but when you factor in the nine promos, opening video package, three titty breaks and all the entrances and exits, you don’t really get that much wrestling for your money.

Unless you really, REALLY want to see this, avoid it. It’s just not worth it.

– Lee Burton