- MTV's hit series "Catfish: The TV Show" is back with a new season on Tuesday.
- Nev Schulman and Kamie Crawford talked to Insider about why people ignored red flags.
- They encourage people to pay attention to the green flags, the things that make you feel good.
MTV's hit series "Catfish: The TV Show" returns Tuesday with new episodes.
The documentary series features its longtime host Nev Schulman and cohost Kamie Crawford as they help people uncover the true identities of online scammers and lovers.
A "catfish" is someone who creates a fake profile on a dating app or social-media site to deceive someone who's looking for love or defraud them for money. The TV show was inspired by Schulman's own experience of being the target of an online romance scam.
Insider caught up with Schulman and Crawford while they were on the road filming a "Catfish" episode, discussing with them relationship red flags and how to navigate the murky depths of online dating.
Romantic hopefuls still ignore relationship red flags
It may seem like, particularly with online dating, people tend to overlook signs that their love interest isn't being honest with them. "But people are ignoring relationship red flags off the internet just as much, if not more, and have been forever," Schulman told Insider.
"I think as long as human beings are vulnerable and insecure and desperate for love and affection, they're always going to find ways to put on blinders," he added.
Perhaps it's easier to overlook these flaws to find some measure of happiness. Crawford agreed, saying that she heard stories like this all the time and that it's the reason they're able to make the show.
"We've all been in a relationship or dated someone when we know it's not right, but we ignore the red flags because sometimes it's fun to ignore them," she said. "Sometimes a little bit of attention or an ounce of love and affection is better than nothing at all."
Ignore red flags at your own risk
"It's kind of crazy because the three or four major red flags that I've been saying since the show started are still pretty much the ones to look out for," Schulman said.
The list includes declining a phone call, not wanting to get on FaceTime, and being unable to send a video of themselves.
Another warning sign is having a very small or nonexistent social-media presence or one that seems strange.
"You'd expect someone in their 20s or 30s to have some kind of digital footprint, even if you just Google them and they have a LinkedIn profile or a high-school-basketball-team stat sheet," he said.
His caveat to this is that many people choose not to be on social media, so it's not the only piece of information to consider. What it comes down to is doing your homework. Plus, you should ask yourself how long you're willing to continue talking to someone who is avoiding you or too busy to meet in person.
"It is your job, if you're going to seriously pursue an internet relationship, to poke around and do a little research," he said. "You might not find anything, which might be good. Or you might find something which isn't good, but you should know going into a potential date."
Crawford agreed, saying: "I can't believe how many people I've met that have gone on first dates without Googling the person because they think it's invasive or weird. Google is free, so we should be using it."
She also recommended showing a picture of your suspected catfish to at least five people, especially those from a younger age group, to see whether they recognize them.
Pay attention to green flags, too
"I think a green flag is when you're talking to someone who makes it very clear that they want to spend time with you and meet up with you in person," Crawford said. "You'll know when it's a green one because it will feel good."
It might take a week or two, or even longer, but there should be a plan to move your conversations offline. If you or your love interest can't commit to spending a couple of hours together for coffee or drinks, Schulman suggested asking yourself: Are you in a position to pursue a relationship?
For him, green flags are when someone doesn't take themselves too seriously.
"Someone who's a little self-deprecating who's willing to make fun of themselves and be a little silly is just the kind of person I like," he said.
The "Catfish" hosts had a little fun talking about the difference between red and green flags, with Crawford saying that a green flag was having "Catfish" in your liked TV shows or favorites. Conversely, it's wise to avoid dating profiles where someone is "holding a fish or a dead animal carcass," Schulman said.
People need a common language to talk about dating
Schulman and Crawford are no strangers to the rapidly growing dating lexicon, such as cuffing, ghosting, and soft launching.
"It's a lot cuter to say I got ghosted versus saying I was talking to this guy for seven months, I was in love, and then he just stopped talking to me," Crawford said.
Another common term they use on the show is "love bombing." This manipulative dating tactic involves showering someone with compliments, gifts, or affection to make them feel indebted to the love bomber.
"The person is texting them things like, 'I love you so much. I can't wait to spend my life with you,'" Crawford said. "But they've never actually taken any meaningful steps to make that a reality."
Schulman said these dating terms were a response to people sharing their experiences publicly. Before the internet, people could tell only a few friends what they learned in their pursuit of love.
Now when someone shares their story online, "millions of people can see it, and they can all collectively come up with their idea of what that should be called," he said.
You have to get a little vulnerable to make genuine connections
What surprises Schulman to this day is the overwhelming response he gets from people whenever he shares something he's concerned about or writes about a personal experience.
"People really do want to share and connect and offer advice," he said.
It takes a little bit of risk to put yourself out there.
"Just don't share pictures of you naked with your face," he said, while Crawford echoed that you should leave your face out of these photos.
Making authentic connections requires honesty and vulnerability.
"While it can be scary, and unfortunately, people can come at you and be negative, the more open and vulnerable that you're willing to be typically attracts people to do the same," he said.
This isn't limited to online dating.
"Outside of romantic relationships, there are a lot of really great apps for meeting friends and meeting people," Crawford said.
Her advice is to find people with similar interests and plan things that will get you offline, such as a yoga or pottery class.
"The point of meeting people on dating apps is to quickly transition into an in-person physical date," Schulman said, "and if that's not happening, that should be your first red flag."
