Mena Suvari became a household name in 1999 thanks to the release of two films that would become iconic: The suburban malaise drama “American Beauty” and the teen comedy “American Pie.” It was a heady time, but also one filled with uncertainty and experiences that left her feeling wrung out and devalued. She talks about all of this and more in her new memoir titled “The Great Peace,” which she was inspired to write after cleaning out a storage unit filled with her journals.
“I found a bin that had moved with me many times over the years and it had my diary in it and it also had a red binder that was full of my poetry and short stories and I had entitled it ‘The Great Peace.'” Her first instinct was to publish the binder as a time capsule of her life in the late ’90s. “But after sitting down and sharing it with other people around me, they encouraged me to incorporate telling my story as well with it as a memoir. And what does that look like? I never thought I would do something like that, but when I started writing I felt massive relief. Like, I needed to get it out.”
It’s fitting that, in the book, she would explore some of her lowest moments and how she worked through them. When asked to share one of those memories for this column, she recalled an experience from when she was 18 and new to the world of celebrity and magazine shoots.
My worst moment …
“I had worked on ‘American Pie’ and ‘American Beauty’ back-to-back, and then they came out back-to-back, so success and fame hit very quickly. I was immediately sort of thrust into the limelight and I had a photo shoot for a very important and highbrow publication. But I was there alone on set. Some people bring managers, some people have friends or their significant others or a whole entourage, it just depends on who you are. For me, I didn’t have any of that.
“I talk about this in the book, when I worked on ‘American Pie’ and ‘American Beauty,’ I was so happy to literally have a job that I didn’t understand the whole ‘I’m going to a photo shoot now’ part of it and what that entails. I just was there, that’s my job and I showed up.
“We had many different setups and many different looks — the photographer we were working with was actually a woman — and slowly but surely, I ended up with no clothes on. I don’t remember the specific words that were said and how the process unfolded, but I ended up with this small piece of jewelry covering my private parts.
“And then I was encouraged, because my long hair was covering my breast, to just show a little nipple. And I was like, ‘What? Why? Where am I?’ I had enough whatever you want to call it within me to feel and to know that I didn’t want to show my nipple. I just remember thinking, no I don’t want to do that. That’s too much. But I ended up showcasing everything else basically. I guess I thought, at least if I have this small piece of jewelry covering me, that’s OK?
“And that photo followed me for the rest of my life (laughs ruefully) and the rest of my career. People would always want me to sign it and it was such a strange moment every time I would see it because I would be reminded of how I didn’t stick up for myself or have a voice.
“I had learned to play my role and this is what I felt was expected from me and what my worth was equated to. So I had to learn that I needed to react differently in those moments. That I could say, ‘No, I don’t want to do that,’ and that’s OK. I could set boundaries. It’s kind of astounding to think back and be reminded that I worked with a female photographer and this happened.”
Was Suvari worried it would make waves if she said no?
“Probably. Yeah. I just got used to: OK, you go here and do your job. This is what I’m being asked to do and it must be OK because these people are all professionals and it must be safe and all right. I assumed that my best interests were being kept in mind. But they weren’t. And I had to find that out the hard way.
“And then also realizing that that was the photo that everybody wanted me to sign. It was like: Oh, OK — great. I couldn’t escape that photo. I would get fan mail and people would send this photo and I had to find that strength within myself to not feel bad about not signing it and getting rid of it. Like, I would sign every other photo that the person might want me to sign except that one, because I didn’t want it out there anymore.
“It can get crazy, especially with the internet. There’s this thing where they put your head on naked bodies and people have sent me those, too. It’s some naked woman’s body and my head on it. It’s pretty weird.
“But the larger point about that photo shoot is that I was young and feeling very impressionable. You know, it’s exciting: You have hair and makeup and the music’s playing and everybody’s really pumped on this awesome photo shoot, so you just keep going and going and then it’s like, oh my God, where are my clothes? What happened?
“This isn’t black and white. If you’re comfortable doing that kind of photo shoot, that’s OK! I just didn’t feel like I had a choice in that moment, that’s the point that I’m trying to make.
“I just sort of went with it because, to be honest, it had happened before, the first time I came to L.A. for my headshots. I found myself subjected to these moments and I had to learn to say, ‘Wait, no. I don’t want to do that,’ and own that. There is a huge element of, I don’t want to say no, I don’t want to be difficult or a diva and I should be grateful because this is an amazing opportunity for me. I just had to learn how to break that mold.
“I never worked with that photographer again. I would like to say that I don’t believe that they wished any ill-will towards me. It’s just, why did we feel we needed to pursue that kind of content, right? Are those the only good pictures we can get?”
The takeaway …
“To hold my ground. I can have an opinion and it’s OK if I need to say I’m uncomfortable. None of that crossed my mind, which is just sad. Why? I don’t know. These are questions that I’m bringing up because I think it’s important to have the conversation.
“It took me a while to realize that it’s not all or nothing. I’m entitled to express myself in a nice and professional way and say, ‘No thank you.'”
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