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The Femme Mystique
A fascinating and insightful look at the world of femme identity within the lesbian community. Written by femmes, former femmes, future femmes, femme wanna-bes, femme admirers, and of course, femmes fatales, The Femme Mystique explores what it means to be a femme and a lesbian in a society that often trivializes the feminine.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1995
About the author
Lesléa Newman
101 books231 followersLesléa Newman (born 1955, Brooklyn, NY) is the author of over 50 books including Heather Has Two Mommies, A Letter To Harvey Milk, Writing From The Heart, In Every Laugh a Tear, The Femme Mystique, Still Life with Buddy, Fat Chance and Out of the Closet and Nothing to Wear.
She has received many literary awards including Poetry Fellowships from the Massachusetts Artists Fellowship Foundation and the National Endowment for the Arts, the Highlights for Children Fiction Writing Award, the James Baldwin Award for Cultural Achievement, and two Pushcart Prize Nominations.
Nine of her books have been Lambda Literary Award finalists.
Ms. Newman wrote Heather Has Two Mommies, the first children's book to portray lesbian families in a positive way, and has followed up this pioneering work with several more children's books on lesbian and gay families: Gloria Goes To Gay Pride, Belinda's Bouquet, Too Far Away to Touch, and Saturday Is Pattyday.
She is also the author of many books for adults that deal with lesbian identity, Jewish identity and the intersection and collision between the two. Other topics Ms. Newman explores include AIDS, eating disorders, butch/femme relationships and sexual abuse. Her award-winning short story, A Letter To Harvey Milk has been made into a film and adapted for the stage.
In addition to being an author, Ms. Newman is a popular guest lecturer, and has spoken on college campuses across the country including Harvard University, Yale University, the University of Oregon, Bryn Mawr College, Smith College and the University of Judaism. From 2005-2009, Lesléa was a faculty member of the Stonecoast MFA program at the University of Southern Maine. Currently, she is the Poet Laureate of Northampton, MA.
She has received many literary awards including Poetry Fellowships from the Massachusetts Artists Fellowship Foundation and the National Endowment for the Arts, the Highlights for Children Fiction Writing Award, the James Baldwin Award for Cultural Achievement, and two Pushcart Prize Nominations.
Nine of her books have been Lambda Literary Award finalists.
Ms. Newman wrote Heather Has Two Mommies, the first children's book to portray lesbian families in a positive way, and has followed up this pioneering work with several more children's books on lesbian and gay families: Gloria Goes To Gay Pride, Belinda's Bouquet, Too Far Away to Touch, and Saturday Is Pattyday.
She is also the author of many books for adults that deal with lesbian identity, Jewish identity and the intersection and collision between the two. Other topics Ms. Newman explores include AIDS, eating disorders, butch/femme relationships and sexual abuse. Her award-winning short story, A Letter To Harvey Milk has been made into a film and adapted for the stage.
In addition to being an author, Ms. Newman is a popular guest lecturer, and has spoken on college campuses across the country including Harvard University, Yale University, the University of Oregon, Bryn Mawr College, Smith College and the University of Judaism. From 2005-2009, Lesléa was a faculty member of the Stonecoast MFA program at the University of Southern Maine. Currently, she is the Poet Laureate of Northampton, MA.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
June 14, 2016
I know this book was written by our femme ancestors and has value for telling their truths in the context of their place in history but I hated this book. I identify as femme but I did not find myself in the pages of this book. The vast majority of stories told the same narrative again and again. Each woman was ashamed of her femininity and then was rescued by a butch. Again and again the women insisted they need only define themselves for themselves then turned around and insisted their identity existed only in the context of being a foil to a butch. "Being single is the worst isolation for a femme..." p 167. Even worse these women spoke of their struggle to be recognized as queer women then insisted on calling women they slept with (sometimes for years) straight women despite these partners telling them otherwise. I think the worst was the lack of recognition for internal misogyny. Some of the women even went so far as to avoid the term "femminity" instead saying"femme-inity" in order to distance themselves from what they clearly deemed lesser. This also undermines the ability of non-queer women to examine and participate in certain gender expressions in the same powerful way as queer women. Very depressing read.
May 9, 2023
A very solid anthology about femme lesbians! I swear if I saw this energy in femme lesbian representation in fiction then I'd have quite a few less issues with them.
I loved how unapologetic just about all of the authors were about their femininity -- there's even a whole part dedicated to lipstick! -- and there was some nice variety in the anthology. We've got poems, essays, short stories, photographs -- it's a lot. It touches on issues femmes face both from hets and other lesbians. Especially femme invisibility. Is it a privilege, to be able mistaken for straight women in a way butches aren't? Yes, but it's a privilege that I don't want! It's like being given a gift. You know some people would want this gift. Maybe even benefit from this gift. But to you, it's the worst gift ever. You hate it. But you can't return it to the store because you don't have a receipt. You can't exchange it for anything better, either, or give it away to anyone who can actually use that gift, so the best thing you can do is try to chuck it out the window or throw it in the garbage. Sometimes that's not enough, either -- sometimes it magically reappears back in your room, like a doll in a horror movie, and all your effort throwing it out was for nothing. That's a long tangent I didn't expect to write today, but in short: it's an invisibility that's forced on us, that comes from people assuming we're straight just because we like dresses. I -- and several of the other femme lesbian writers in this anthology, and several femmes, period -- would much rather be recognized for who we are. No wonder they created this anthology, honestly. I can't say for certain what intent they had while compiling this, but to me, it feels like an effort not to just inform the world about femme culture, but to actively resist femme invisibility. It feels like a demand to be seen.
It was also both validating and sad to see how many femme lesbians originally tried to be more tomboyish and/or butch before finding themselves as a femme. That's my story, too, but holy shit, I didn't realize that was such a common journey. And this is coming from someone who's known for a long time how much femininity gets dismissed or ridiculed, from the queer community as well as heterosexuals.
My one critique is that sometimes it's a bit too heavy on the erotic. Which is a weird critique for me to have because I'm your basic allo lesbian, and embracing your sexuality does feel like an important part of femme culture (at least for allo femmes), considering how often women get demonized for having basic sexual desires. That's important today, and it had to have been even more important in the 1990s. And a fair few of my favorites in the anthology were erotic! But there was so much eroticism that it felt like it was distracting me from the greater point of the anthology, you know?
Overall, a fantastic anthology! This makes me really want to write a book with my DND character who's basically Elle Woods but make her a Witcher. I also want to contribute to femme lesbian literary canon someday . . . someday. It'll happen. Until then, I hope to see more femme literature like this!
I loved how unapologetic just about all of the authors were about their femininity -- there's even a whole part dedicated to lipstick! -- and there was some nice variety in the anthology. We've got poems, essays, short stories, photographs -- it's a lot. It touches on issues femmes face both from hets and other lesbians. Especially femme invisibility. Is it a privilege, to be able mistaken for straight women in a way butches aren't? Yes, but it's a privilege that I don't want! It's like being given a gift. You know some people would want this gift. Maybe even benefit from this gift. But to you, it's the worst gift ever. You hate it. But you can't return it to the store because you don't have a receipt. You can't exchange it for anything better, either, or give it away to anyone who can actually use that gift, so the best thing you can do is try to chuck it out the window or throw it in the garbage. Sometimes that's not enough, either -- sometimes it magically reappears back in your room, like a doll in a horror movie, and all your effort throwing it out was for nothing. That's a long tangent I didn't expect to write today, but in short: it's an invisibility that's forced on us, that comes from people assuming we're straight just because we like dresses. I -- and several of the other femme lesbian writers in this anthology, and several femmes, period -- would much rather be recognized for who we are. No wonder they created this anthology, honestly. I can't say for certain what intent they had while compiling this, but to me, it feels like an effort not to just inform the world about femme culture, but to actively resist femme invisibility. It feels like a demand to be seen.
It was also both validating and sad to see how many femme lesbians originally tried to be more tomboyish and/or butch before finding themselves as a femme. That's my story, too, but holy shit, I didn't realize that was such a common journey. And this is coming from someone who's known for a long time how much femininity gets dismissed or ridiculed, from the queer community as well as heterosexuals.
My one critique is that sometimes it's a bit too heavy on the erotic. Which is a weird critique for me to have because I'm your basic allo lesbian, and embracing your sexuality does feel like an important part of femme culture (at least for allo femmes), considering how often women get demonized for having basic sexual desires. That's important today, and it had to have been even more important in the 1990s. And a fair few of my favorites in the anthology were erotic! But there was so much eroticism that it felt like it was distracting me from the greater point of the anthology, you know?
Overall, a fantastic anthology! This makes me really want to write a book with my DND character who's basically Elle Woods but make her a Witcher. I also want to contribute to femme lesbian literary canon someday . . . someday. It'll happen. Until then, I hope to see more femme literature like this!
November 11, 2012
I found myself among the pages of The Femme Mystique. For the first time ever, I heard of another gay woman who felt as I did; a love of purses, heels, dresses, lingerie...Femme. Thank goodness for Leslea Newman. I was finally able to put away the wallet, jeans, and Doc Martins that I thought I was resigned to wear within my identitiy as lesbian. I now embrace the Femme in me and love a woman who also embraces me as Femme.
February 18, 2019
I don’t know why this took me so long to get through because it really was a lovely little collection (for the most part!) and it feels so reassuring to see myself represented in these women’s words. It definitely feels like a necessary read for femmes interested in our history and culture!
December 19, 2023
Some stuff is a little outdated but overall the collection is great! And apparently I’ve never had an original experience in my life. Like what do you mean every femme had an androgynous phase trying to date other femmes and then they met a butch that changed everything for them? “Is this fucking play about us?”
July 11, 2023
This anthology has it all: poetry, one-off stories, essays, coming-of-age dissections, erotica ... what's not to like? The Femme Mystique is neck-in-neck with Dagger: On Butch Women for my favorite lesbian anthology I've read so far, but I think The Femme Mystique wins. It tops The Persistent Desire. I liked reading this anthology so much that before I finished I went and bought for myself *another* anthology about femmes just so I could have something similar to read while I mourned finishing this book.
I have a fuller consensus on this book but I have to deviate briefly: there's another review on this book that I respectfully disagree with, the one that states the reader couldn't stand this book because it spent too much time schmoozing up to butches. Now--I am a butch so maybe I shouldn't talk, but that feels like a misreading of the text, and I'm admittedly a little irked by that review just because it feels to me that a lot of the nuance and cleverness of the anthology is lost if somehow that is what you walked away with.
This anthology was published in the 90s, and it's clearly a recovery piece from the feminist wave in the 70s, where lesbian-feminists decided that butch & femme were patriarchal imitations of heterosexuality and had to go, and instead androgyny was the only acceptable way to transcend patriarchal standards. To return to the "old ways" (the 50-60s, where butch and femme was ripe and a staple of the lesbian community) was a failure to commit to the feminist cause. You have femmes in this anthology talking about how they came into their femme-ness later in life just by chance (and the journey it took to discover it despite having no role models), femmes who were femme *before* the 70s feminist wave who were told they had to put away their femme-ness and later struggled to return to their true blue femme-y self; femmes who started their journey in the androgynous feminist era and later had to discover for the first time their femme-ness; femmes in a sea of androgyny; femmes who played at being butch or unaffiliated who slowly had to come home to themselves, etc., etc. There *are* essays yes where a writer discusses the ways in which she discovered her femme-ness or returned to it in part because of some interaction or relationship she had with a butch, but even reading these parts, it didn't feel to me like the point of mentioning the butch *was* the butch. A lot of this anthology seems to return to the need these femme writers have had for a rebirth, and what with the lesbian community (at the time) having recently gone through an era where the option of roles was not available, it makes perfect sense to me that some people found themselves when faced with examples of The Old Ways (such as a wandering butch), or felt more and more themself given chances to express their femme-ness in a dynamic that prizes and desires femmes (butch-femme.) I agree with the essayist who said she found the Persistent Desire distasteful (sorry Joan Nestlé) because so many essays praised butches as some unsung hero and very infrequently was the femme regarded and considered on her own merit. The Femme Mystique doesn't suffer from the same issue, and in some essays spits on the lack of consideration. You go, girls!
Again I'm also only halfway in, but the Persistent Desire has yet to point out any common social/relationship issues that happen with butches, but The Femme Mystique *does,* and thankfully it's not a one-off thing, either. I really appreciate this anthology for the focus these femme writers have in talking about themselves and their experiences, and I really really enjoyed getting to read about different femmes' evolutions throughout their lives. This anthology also isn't nearly so essay-ish as the Persistent Desire, which IMO adds to its raw charm. The beginning section is a little campy in places, with a few high femme writers that on occasion read like a Legally Blonde-esque femme, but--first of all it takes all types and second keep reading and third thank you ladies for your service.
I love this anthology for many reasons. It's spunky, it's horny, it's audacious and feisty, it has such incredible observations about sex, gender roles, gender relations, gender expression, gender dysphoria, femininity, masculinity, gender presentation, queer coming of ages, the sexual & the sensuous, desire & sexuality, straight society, lesbian society, queer society in general--the list goes on. It answered questions about femmes and gender and patriarchy and sexuality that I wasn't even aware I had. This book has fundamentally changed my brain for the better, and I love The Femme Mystique for that. These essays had me reeling (in a positive way) and I know I will end up rereading this book. What a treat.
I have a fuller consensus on this book but I have to deviate briefly: there's another review on this book that I respectfully disagree with, the one that states the reader couldn't stand this book because it spent too much time schmoozing up to butches. Now--I am a butch so maybe I shouldn't talk, but that feels like a misreading of the text, and I'm admittedly a little irked by that review just because it feels to me that a lot of the nuance and cleverness of the anthology is lost if somehow that is what you walked away with.
This anthology was published in the 90s, and it's clearly a recovery piece from the feminist wave in the 70s, where lesbian-feminists decided that butch & femme were patriarchal imitations of heterosexuality and had to go, and instead androgyny was the only acceptable way to transcend patriarchal standards. To return to the "old ways" (the 50-60s, where butch and femme was ripe and a staple of the lesbian community) was a failure to commit to the feminist cause. You have femmes in this anthology talking about how they came into their femme-ness later in life just by chance (and the journey it took to discover it despite having no role models), femmes who were femme *before* the 70s feminist wave who were told they had to put away their femme-ness and later struggled to return to their true blue femme-y self; femmes who started their journey in the androgynous feminist era and later had to discover for the first time their femme-ness; femmes in a sea of androgyny; femmes who played at being butch or unaffiliated who slowly had to come home to themselves, etc., etc. There *are* essays yes where a writer discusses the ways in which she discovered her femme-ness or returned to it in part because of some interaction or relationship she had with a butch, but even reading these parts, it didn't feel to me like the point of mentioning the butch *was* the butch. A lot of this anthology seems to return to the need these femme writers have had for a rebirth, and what with the lesbian community (at the time) having recently gone through an era where the option of roles was not available, it makes perfect sense to me that some people found themselves when faced with examples of The Old Ways (such as a wandering butch), or felt more and more themself given chances to express their femme-ness in a dynamic that prizes and desires femmes (butch-femme.) I agree with the essayist who said she found the Persistent Desire distasteful (sorry Joan Nestlé) because so many essays praised butches as some unsung hero and very infrequently was the femme regarded and considered on her own merit. The Femme Mystique doesn't suffer from the same issue, and in some essays spits on the lack of consideration. You go, girls!
Again I'm also only halfway in, but the Persistent Desire has yet to point out any common social/relationship issues that happen with butches, but The Femme Mystique *does,* and thankfully it's not a one-off thing, either. I really appreciate this anthology for the focus these femme writers have in talking about themselves and their experiences, and I really really enjoyed getting to read about different femmes' evolutions throughout their lives. This anthology also isn't nearly so essay-ish as the Persistent Desire, which IMO adds to its raw charm. The beginning section is a little campy in places, with a few high femme writers that on occasion read like a Legally Blonde-esque femme, but--first of all it takes all types and second keep reading and third thank you ladies for your service.
I love this anthology for many reasons. It's spunky, it's horny, it's audacious and feisty, it has such incredible observations about sex, gender roles, gender relations, gender expression, gender dysphoria, femininity, masculinity, gender presentation, queer coming of ages, the sexual & the sensuous, desire & sexuality, straight society, lesbian society, queer society in general--the list goes on. It answered questions about femmes and gender and patriarchy and sexuality that I wasn't even aware I had. This book has fundamentally changed my brain for the better, and I love The Femme Mystique for that. These essays had me reeling (in a positive way) and I know I will end up rereading this book. What a treat.
July 10, 2011
A delightful selection of personal essays, poems, love letters and stories about the unique intersection of gender & sexuality in the person of a femme and in the dynamics of butch-femme relationships. The pieces I liked the best were about opening up the definition of femme and those detailing the erotics of butch-femme desire.
August 9, 2008
As a Stone Butch Top I was hoping to find stories of Stone Femmes. I found most of the stories concern Femme "Switches".
I did thoroughly enjoy of couples of the writings and I'll come back and provide the Titles for those in particular.
Thank you :)
I did thoroughly enjoy of couples of the writings and I'll come back and provide the Titles for those in particular.
Thank you :)
July 4, 2014
definitely part of the femme literary cannon
June 29, 2008
Occasionally interesting historical document.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews