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What Happened to You?
The first ever picture book addressing how a disabled child might want to be spoken to.
What happened to you? Was it a shark? A burglar? A lion? Did it fall off?
Every time Joe goes out the questions are the same . . . what happened to his leg? But is this even a question Joe has to answer?
A ground-breaking, funny story that helps children understand what it might feel like to be seen as different.
What happened to you? Was it a shark? A burglar? A lion? Did it fall off?
Every time Joe goes out the questions are the same . . . what happened to his leg? But is this even a question Joe has to answer?
A ground-breaking, funny story that helps children understand what it might feel like to be seen as different.
32 pages, Paperback
First published April 6, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 190 reviews
June 24, 2021
So well done. I focused on what I've seen happen time and again - kids notice the disability and they immediately talk about it - and then they move on and play.
But when I gave this to my physically disabled daughter to read, she said the author got it right because as a kid, it's hard to always answer that question and sometimes as a kid you don't have the words to explain everything. I found a video by the author and he says the same thing - that "just asking" can be REALLY draining to answer all of the time.
I think the tips the author wrote at the end are helpful for parents as the assist their own children navigate interactions with all people.
But when I gave this to my physically disabled daughter to read, she said the author got it right because as a kid, it's hard to always answer that question and sometimes as a kid you don't have the words to explain everything. I found a video by the author and he says the same thing - that "just asking" can be REALLY draining to answer all of the time.
I think the tips the author wrote at the end are helpful for parents as the assist their own children navigate interactions with all people.
April 17, 2021
This is a beautifully illustrated book about a little boy, Joe, who loves playing pirates, while dodging sharks and crocodiles. He would quite like to have other kids to play with, but they are only interested in what happened to his leg. Did I mention that swashbuckling Joe was one-legged? Anyway, the kids keep coming up with more and more fanciful ideas about what happened to Joe’s other leg, and Joe becomes more and more upset.
Eventually, Sonia introduces herself to Joe, they start to play together, and the other kids all join in playing pirates.
Sonia realises that Joe does not appreciate being asked about his leg all the time, and more importantly, realises that she doesn’t need to know about the leg – just about the games she can play with Joe, and how to be his friend.
I imagine that it is very distressing for a child who is different, for whatever reason – to constantly be reminded of their difference, and to be asked continually to justify themselves, particularly by strangers at loud volume.
Children are curious – and often tactless. Sometimes they need to be reminded that their questions and comments can really hurt. For some children, their questions may arise out of fear – could this happen to me? – and a calm explanation may put their mind at rest. But, children (and all people) need to learn that there are polite ways of asking. In particular, get to know the PERSON before intruding on their personal circumstances.
There are some very helpful suggestions for parents (and children) at the end of the book, about to deal with people who may be differently abled.
I am in a wheelchair myself, but am an adult. And people are generally much more circumspect about asking adults why they are disabled. I am always happy to tell people that I have MS, and have only been in a wheelchair for about 3 years – because it explains why I can’t do certain things, and why I get very tired.
Every disabled person is different. Some want to be left alone, some want to be very involved in everything. Watch the Paralympics and see what amazing superhuman things that disabled people can accomplish in the sporting arena – but accept that we are not all capable of that. If you think someone needs help – offer. But, accept that your offer may be turned down. And NEVER push a wheelchair unless you have been SPECIFICALLY asked to.
I thought this was an excellent book, for children (and adults) of all abilities. Highly recommended.
Eventually, Sonia introduces herself to Joe, they start to play together, and the other kids all join in playing pirates.
Sonia realises that Joe does not appreciate being asked about his leg all the time, and more importantly, realises that she doesn’t need to know about the leg – just about the games she can play with Joe, and how to be his friend.
I imagine that it is very distressing for a child who is different, for whatever reason – to constantly be reminded of their difference, and to be asked continually to justify themselves, particularly by strangers at loud volume.
Children are curious – and often tactless. Sometimes they need to be reminded that their questions and comments can really hurt. For some children, their questions may arise out of fear – could this happen to me? – and a calm explanation may put their mind at rest. But, children (and all people) need to learn that there are polite ways of asking. In particular, get to know the PERSON before intruding on their personal circumstances.
There are some very helpful suggestions for parents (and children) at the end of the book, about to deal with people who may be differently abled.
I am in a wheelchair myself, but am an adult. And people are generally much more circumspect about asking adults why they are disabled. I am always happy to tell people that I have MS, and have only been in a wheelchair for about 3 years – because it explains why I can’t do certain things, and why I get very tired.
Every disabled person is different. Some want to be left alone, some want to be very involved in everything. Watch the Paralympics and see what amazing superhuman things that disabled people can accomplish in the sporting arena – but accept that we are not all capable of that. If you think someone needs help – offer. But, accept that your offer may be turned down. And NEVER push a wheelchair unless you have been SPECIFICALLY asked to.
I thought this was an excellent book, for children (and adults) of all abilities. Highly recommended.
March 2, 2022
Watched on youtube, paused so I could read the note at the end myself. Excellent note. "Disability is normal." "Disabled people are ... not looking to be a teachable moment."
I'm not a huge fan of the art, but it does fit. The story is perfect.
I'm not a huge fan of the art, but it does fit. The story is perfect.
June 28, 2023
Un libro muy acertado sobre lo que se debe enseñar a los pequeños: empatia por las notables diferencias del aspecto físico de alguien. Mejor contada por alguien que lo vivió.
June 18, 2021
I'm excited to use this for story time coming up!! I love this book so much, and I love seeing cool disabled stories by cool disabled authors. Plus reading books like this give me an opportunity to show off my cane in story time. When I read On-the-Go I showed off my purple sticker cane, so I'm thinking this time I might show off winter cane that has a oval handle and a flexible foot!! Anyways, this story deals with both the natural curiosity of children (which is great!) and the constant onslaught of inappropriate questions & comments disabled people get all the time. The back matter has some great tips for what you can do when this actually happens in life! Because curiosity is important and healthy, and not talking about is a far worse alternative that communicates to kids that difference and their curiosity about difference is inappropriate and to be brushed under the rug. It's not!
April 8, 2021
This book is equal parts charming, witty, and CRITICAL DISABILITY EDUCATION FOR ALL CHILDREN AND PARENTS.
Joe is kid trying to play pirates but all the other children want to do is ask about his leg. He doesn’t answer the questions, and eventually one friend realizes he doesn’t need to and it’s actually been quite upsetting for him.
The author’s note is imperative in helping parents realize that kids are going to be curious about disabled people, and if they ask a question, it’s not the end of the world. Hopefully this book and subsequent conversations can prevent it, but we give kids a little grace and room to learn.
But beyond the powerful message, this is simply a beautiful storybook that we will always treasure on our shelves.
Joe is kid trying to play pirates but all the other children want to do is ask about his leg. He doesn’t answer the questions, and eventually one friend realizes he doesn’t need to and it’s actually been quite upsetting for him.
The author’s note is imperative in helping parents realize that kids are going to be curious about disabled people, and if they ask a question, it’s not the end of the world. Hopefully this book and subsequent conversations can prevent it, but we give kids a little grace and room to learn.
But beyond the powerful message, this is simply a beautiful storybook that we will always treasure on our shelves.
April 13, 2021
How I wish this book had existed when I was in the classroom. My students hardly ever, probably never, saw themselves in picture books and this #ownvoices representation is incredible and long overdue.
My connection to the disabled community shielded me from the ableism in my own life and I’ve learned so much in the last year. So many things I wish I could go back and do better. This book is an excellent place to start; share it far and wide with the children in your life and your community. It’s that important.
📖 What Happened to You?
✒️ James Catchpole
🎨 Karen George
📚 Faber Children’s in 2021
Every kid knows that a stick isn’t ever just a stick and Joe is no different. Inspired by such a stick, Joe becomes a swashbuckling pirate fighting off sharks, and possibly crocodiles, his favorite playground game. Suddenly a kiddo interrupts his play to blurt out, “You’ve only got one leg!” The inevitable intrusive question “What happened to you?” morphs into an indelicate and impolite guessing game that leaves Joe frustrated, sad, and excluded. Eventually Joe resumes his game and the other children join in the rambunctious and daring adventure because, as they come to realize, disability is normal.
Delightful playground whimsy and complex emotions are captured and conveyed warmly in the illustrations. The advice for adults is straightforward and offered genuinely by the disabled author, whose own lived experiences as a child informed and inspired this picture book.
My connection to the disabled community shielded me from the ableism in my own life and I’ve learned so much in the last year. So many things I wish I could go back and do better. This book is an excellent place to start; share it far and wide with the children in your life and your community. It’s that important.
📖 What Happened to You?
✒️ James Catchpole
🎨 Karen George
📚 Faber Children’s in 2021
Every kid knows that a stick isn’t ever just a stick and Joe is no different. Inspired by such a stick, Joe becomes a swashbuckling pirate fighting off sharks, and possibly crocodiles, his favorite playground game. Suddenly a kiddo interrupts his play to blurt out, “You’ve only got one leg!” The inevitable intrusive question “What happened to you?” morphs into an indelicate and impolite guessing game that leaves Joe frustrated, sad, and excluded. Eventually Joe resumes his game and the other children join in the rambunctious and daring adventure because, as they come to realize, disability is normal.
Delightful playground whimsy and complex emotions are captured and conveyed warmly in the illustrations. The advice for adults is straightforward and offered genuinely by the disabled author, whose own lived experiences as a child informed and inspired this picture book.
November 23, 2021
What a great read! Kids at the playground are constantly making Joe upset about what happened to his leg. While the kids think they're making cool and fun stories, they are in fact hurting his feelings and creating a wound bigger than the bandaid. Kids, teenagers, adults, elders, no matter the age, we all tend to wonder what happened to someone, what could it be like, how does it feel? What we don't really wonder about is, how hurtful can asking these questions be to someone with a dis-ability. People with dis-abilities are just like every other human in this world, we breathe, we eat, we take different turns in life. In fact, having a dis-ability such as crippling ADHD can be just as hard as living in a wheelchair, so why do we add emphasis to one more than the other? And that's because our bodies appear to be different. But wait, don't we all come in different shapes and sizes? Different skin colors and cultures? This is a great read to explore the topics of dis-abilities with children and poses a great opportunity to define that having a disability also means having an ability to do something special.
November 20, 2023
I'm disabled. Most of the time you wouldn't know it if you weren't someone who knew me. I don't always need my cane, and my medications and treatments aren't visible to passersby. But when you can tell? "What happened to you?" is a question I've had on many occasions. Our protagonist Joe and the author James Catchpole are both missing a leg, and that means they've definitely both heard this invasive question more times than I ever will. This picture book does a brilliant job of showing why this question is not only insensitive, but also annoying! The story is accessible (and often quite funny!), the art is cute, and it's definitely among my favourite picture books about disability. It also has a helpful note at the end for parents on how to address when your kids ask rude or insensitive questions of disabled people. Highly recommended!
May 4, 2021
This is a beautiful book about a boy who happens to have one leg. Little Joe is playing pirates on the playground when he encounters a girl who asks the most annoying question—“What happened to you?” Instead of answering, Joe dodges the question, trying various ways to make light of what must be an embarrassing situation for both him and the other children.
Eventually, the kids get the idea that he’s had enough. In a sweet way, they come to look at Joe as just another person to be friends with. There is even a letter in the back of the book from the author, who has advice on how to talk to kids about people who look different from them. This is a beautifully illustrated own voices book. I loved it and I think kids will love it too. Five stars.
Eventually, the kids get the idea that he’s had enough. In a sweet way, they come to look at Joe as just another person to be friends with. There is even a letter in the back of the book from the author, who has advice on how to talk to kids about people who look different from them. This is a beautifully illustrated own voices book. I loved it and I think kids will love it too. Five stars.
October 1, 2021
A really adorable book about a boy with one leg who is DONE with all the questions~!
I just had to bring this book along from the library, it looked just too good and I am always looking for books about topics you don’t often see in picture books or children’s books. In this case it is about a boy with just one leg.
Meet Joe, Joe is having a great time at the playground, imagining himself sailing the seven seas, grabbing a rope and swing over dozens of hungry sharks. He is having a great time… but then other kids come by and ask the dreaded questions: “What happened to your leg?” And not being satisfied with any answer. I just felt for Joe because it was very clear that he is DONE absolutely DONE with the questions about his leg and whether or not he is just hiding it. Yes, honestly, I was laughing at the ideas the kids had on what could have happened, but I can imagine that just gets enormously annoying when it happens all the time. So I was curious to see what Joe would do! Would he get angry? Would he just go away? Or….
Well, I can tell you what does happen is something that made me very happy. I won’t spoil anything, but I found it a very good idea of Joe to do that. To pick that. It helped in so many ways.
I think this is a great book for kids to learn that sometimes you shouldn’t ask questions, especially in regards to someone’s health or someone’s body parts. That you should just leave it, if the kid or adult wants to talk they will tell you themselves in their own time.
The art was also fabulous and I really loved the style of it. Really enjoyed seeing Joe’s imagination come to life.
All in all, highly recommended to all!
Review first posted at https://twirlingbookprincess.com/
I just had to bring this book along from the library, it looked just too good and I am always looking for books about topics you don’t often see in picture books or children’s books. In this case it is about a boy with just one leg.
Meet Joe, Joe is having a great time at the playground, imagining himself sailing the seven seas, grabbing a rope and swing over dozens of hungry sharks. He is having a great time… but then other kids come by and ask the dreaded questions: “What happened to your leg?” And not being satisfied with any answer. I just felt for Joe because it was very clear that he is DONE absolutely DONE with the questions about his leg and whether or not he is just hiding it. Yes, honestly, I was laughing at the ideas the kids had on what could have happened, but I can imagine that just gets enormously annoying when it happens all the time. So I was curious to see what Joe would do! Would he get angry? Would he just go away? Or….
Well, I can tell you what does happen is something that made me very happy. I won’t spoil anything, but I found it a very good idea of Joe to do that. To pick that. It helped in so many ways.
I think this is a great book for kids to learn that sometimes you shouldn’t ask questions, especially in regards to someone’s health or someone’s body parts. That you should just leave it, if the kid or adult wants to talk they will tell you themselves in their own time.
The art was also fabulous and I really loved the style of it. Really enjoyed seeing Joe’s imagination come to life.
All in all, highly recommended to all!
Review first posted at https://twirlingbookprincess.com/
February 13, 2022
The message behind this book is essentially - Regardless of appearance, treat those around you like you would a friend. A Book to provoke some really great discussions with children, providing some useful tips for adults with inquisitive children at the very end.
I'm so glad a book like this has been published: Recognition to those with disabilities, but also recognition as to how discussions with younger children should be handled in regards to their curious minds. Sometimes just ignoring the differences and acting and playing like you would with any other friend is the best way foward.
I'm so glad a book like this has been published: Recognition to those with disabilities, but also recognition as to how discussions with younger children should be handled in regards to their curious minds. Sometimes just ignoring the differences and acting and playing like you would with any other friend is the best way foward.
April 28, 2024
This book was so cute with the cutest illustrations to go along withe the text. It is a perfect way to help students understand student who have physical disabilities. It also breaks the notion that you cannot ask someone what happened. It also breaks the idea that you have to act like nothing is different about that person.
July 12, 2021
my son really likes this one.
he also was asking, "what happened to him?"
he's still real young so he didn't really get it when i told him that it didn't matter what had happened to the boy or any of that. BUT i liked the message and the art in this one. (:
he also was asking, "what happened to him?"
he's still real young so he didn't really get it when i told him that it didn't matter what had happened to the boy or any of that. BUT i liked the message and the art in this one. (:
August 24, 2021
5 stars
amazing book all kids (and adults) should read.
amazing book all kids (and adults) should read.
March 19, 2022
Gelezen in het Nederlands
April 23, 2023
This is a brilliant story about children asking a child with a disability, “what happened?” and the way the child answers (or doesn’t). Includes an authors note.
May 29, 2023
Books like this make people think and encourage great conversations with your kids about differences/handicaps people have and how not to and how to behave.
January 22, 2024
Humorous and accessible. I love the kid-friendly illustrations and language. This is a great conversation starter (or ender!) for young kids.
January 23, 2024
2024 Schneider Family Book Award young reader honor book!
April 2, 2024
This is a book all kids need to read.
April 22, 2021
Read & Reviewed for CBR 13. Review follows here
When I think about the kids we're raising, as a whole right now, I'm so goddamn hopeful for the future that I can't even really express it, for fear of losing my "unaffected internet witch" cool points (Note: I do not actually have any of those points).
But it's true: I have been a part of raising the children in my life for 25-ish years now, and - as the aunt of two adult niblings, a couple of teenage ones, and a handful of under tens - I gotta say, that, for the most part, parents these days are hitting it out of the fucking park. Which isn't to say that ALL parents are doing a great job, or that ALL kids are superstars, just that all of the parents I know - in real life, but also online - are working SO HARD to try to help create better humans. If you spend any time with the youngest of adults or teenagers (kids born around the turn of the century), then you probably understand that it seems to be working, at least so far -
These young people are self-aware, they're culturally aware, they're open and accepting as hell, and they don't give two shits about "Well, that's the way we've always done it", or "Well, society says it HAS to be XYZ not ZYX," particularly in terms of the -isms. Kids seem less hateful towards each other, less understanding of the status quo, and more willing and able to see, create, and be the change so many of us have been working hard for. (Again, not all the youths are exceptional, but I don't know any homophobic kids in my real life, and I DO know a ton of Black Lives Matter supporters, a ton of kids who go to protests, or kids who call and make sure things are accessible for their friends/siblings/family members, who blog against Asian American/Pacific Islander hate, just to name a few.)
And yes, I'm going to give the parents and extended influences of those young people a lot of credit for that- Hello Millenials, Gen X-ers, the youngest of Boomers who somehow turned into hippie grandparent- because every parent or person I know who's got even a tiny part in raising some kids seems absolutely determined to "do a better job", whatever that might mean to them personally. I'm going to go ahead and says some stuff without outing entire generations of people, because I don't think either of these generalizations will come as a surprise, but Gen-Xers often grew up in a land of self-sufficiency & media literacy that their parents just didn't understand (what I'm going to call Latch Key/Toys R Us Kids, and as a member of the Oregon Trail Micro-Generation, a place I will claim as my origin story) and Millenials are used to being blamed for shit they had nothing to do with and being forced into meeting expectations that are in no way reasonable (the Once in A Lifetime Recession happens every single time I'm looking for work generation, if you will). And both of those groups of people, once they started having children of their own, basically looked around at the expectations of society, and how they really got screwed because of them, and were like "Fuck this shit: I'm doing better by my kid(s)."
(Kindness isn't just words. It's actions. Show kids what that means. pix)
And then they DID.
Which is really the most startling part of the whole thing, if you think about it, because every group of parents WANTS to do better by their kids, but - as we so often find out in hindsight - they very often fall incredibly short of those goals. And I'm not saying that X-ers and Millenials have perfected parenting with their Zs and Alphas: We will, without a doubt, begin having the conversations about how we messed them up any day now (or, if you're lucky enough to have a couple of early Z-ers, you've already started having these conversations, and wow: aren't they fun?). BUT, in a lot of ways, parents around my age and younger put in some real work.
We did research... SO MUCH RESEARCH.
We went to therapy... SO MUCH THERAPY.
We dealt with our own traumas, in order to break generational traumas ... SO MANY TRAUMAS.
I literally know of no parents my own age or younger, who haven't - at the very least - done a shitton of self reflection and tried a different way, when they realized something they were doing (yelling, spanking, bribing, fawning, helicoptering, whatever) wasn't giving them the results - attentive kids, better communication, clean bedrooms, less spoiled brat behavior, etc - they were hoping for.
And we can say a lot of good things about our parents - the Boomers and Hippies, a lot of whom tried to do better in their own ways too - but self-reflection and re-examining the roles we all play in society and within families was not their strongest suit. Hell, depending on how old your parents were, you could've been raised with full on "emotions are evil, shut that shit down" Silent Generation-ers, and still you're out here attempting Gentle Parenting and letting your kid have a tantrum in the Target parking lot. I'm so proud of you!
We saw that society expected us to be independent, but that, as we got older, intradependence is what saved us, so we started teaching empathy and community and communication, even though we had to learn it from scratch then too. We saw that "hey you can't depend on your job for everything - maybe you can't depend on it for anything" and we started to tell kids to focus on things that made them feel whole, and happy, and to not neglect those things just because of their jobs/school/whatever society said was more important. We continue to get slapped in the face with the ways in which inequality is a planned feature of our society, and so we taught our kids to recognize it from the beginning, to name it when they see it, to actively work against it.
(Love Makes A Family. Book format is also like a large board book, so this is really a good "all ages" kind of book. pix)
Anyways, now that I've patted us all on the back for ... you know, trying to parent in a way that actually takes our children into account, like all parents SHOULD have been doing for all times, let's move on to the next point, my main point, even. And that is the tools we use to engage in responsive, responsible, effective parenting (or teaching, or counselling, or interacting with children in any way), and how one of our best tools for that is books.
Like many of my fellow Cannonballers, books are a vital thing in my life. I am not exaggerating when I say I would not be alive without them, and so I don't tend to underestimate how important they can be, ever, but I often see them undervalued in the greater world, which is unfortunate. Unfortunate because books can be one of an adults most essential tools for teaching - well, for teaching anything, but if we're talking about how we go about teaching our kids how to become good people? Then books can be 90% of your toolbox, and the other 10% is just living what you're preaching.
Want to teach small children going out to face the big bad world (of preschool) alone for the first time that it's ok to be scared or lonely? Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney is going to give you both some much needed comfort. Want to teach your teenager that they're capable of finding & making "good trouble"? Try the March trilogy by Civil Rights hero John Lewis. Want a picture book that tells your kid that being their 'best' means being themselves? Try I'm A Lot Sometimes by Jack Guinan. Something about how nonsense is necessary to a full life? Hit up Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. Something that speaks on first love and first loss? Try Joy School by Elizabeth Berg.
And so we (finally!) come to today's three books:
Kindness Makes Us Strong & Love Makes A Family, both by Sophie Beer; and What Happened to You? by James Catchpole.
Kindness Makes Us Strong & Love Makes A Family are boldly illustrated declarations of love, acceptance and the different ways we can live out our values in our real lives. They're both populated by characters of different colors, ability levels, genders, and ages, while also ensuring that no one is specifically shown as "different" meaning lesser or unequal (a pitfall of many early 'melting pot' books or books that have disabled characters, but show them as people we should all be helping, for example). The books are simple reads, with simple messages, and little kids really GET THEM. They're perfect for talking about what kinds of ways love shows up in your family, and what kinds of ways you all can/do show kindness to each other - and also, what to do when kindness is hard. This is what I meant by books being a tool - If you're trying to teach your kids what it means to be a good human, and you don't have examples of how they can be good humans, then it is a lot harder for them to learn.
Something else that might be harder for tiny humans to understand is "what things can I be curious about, and what things should be private", and that leads us straight into What Happened To You? As a disabled person, the number of times I have been asked invasive questions about my health, my disability status, my wheelchair, &/or other more embarrassing private things about my body in public is really too high to count. And each disabled person has their own comfort level about questions and what they are willing to share: For example, I don't care if your four year old asks me what's wrong with my legs, bc I was a preschool teacher, and I'm used to answering those kind of questions from tiny humans. I prefer it, actually, to the whisper-yelling you think you are subtle about (you are not) when you're kid asks you, and you drag them away from me, which I think teaches them to be afraid of people like me. But I don't answer invasive questions from adults, and I get a lot of those too. Also, that's just me: Other disabled adults AND CHILDREN get to decide their own comfort levels with both the question and the answers they give, and that is 100% the point of What Happened to You?
In the book, Joe has only one leg, and uses crutches sometimes. But when he's approached by one kid after the other after the other at the playground who all ask him what happened to him, and offer up their own absurd theories about his missing leg, he doesn't want to answer them. He wants to play pirates, and stay away from invisible crocodiles and sharks circling his ship. Eventually, the other kids catch on to the real game, and we never do find out why Joe is missing a leg. We do find out that all of the kids are very good at being pirates.
My love for this book is immense, and for so many reasons. How do you teach kids that it's ok to ask questions, but also prepare them for the fact that sometimes people don't want you to ask questions, or don't want to answer your question, and that's ok too? This book. How can you explain to non-disabled children that disability is just another regular part of a disabled person's life, not something they constantly think about and worry over and focus on? This book. How can you show that everybody - including disabled people - are owed privacy and allowed not to answer intrusive questions? This. Book.
So there you have it - Three more books to add to your toolbox, if you're working on making the young ones in your lives more empathetic and whole humans. Since we aren't going to be perfect, we just have to aim for better, and these books - and so many like them - can help us get there.
When I think about the kids we're raising, as a whole right now, I'm so goddamn hopeful for the future that I can't even really express it, for fear of losing my "unaffected internet witch" cool points (Note: I do not actually have any of those points).
But it's true: I have been a part of raising the children in my life for 25-ish years now, and - as the aunt of two adult niblings, a couple of teenage ones, and a handful of under tens - I gotta say, that, for the most part, parents these days are hitting it out of the fucking park. Which isn't to say that ALL parents are doing a great job, or that ALL kids are superstars, just that all of the parents I know - in real life, but also online - are working SO HARD to try to help create better humans. If you spend any time with the youngest of adults or teenagers (kids born around the turn of the century), then you probably understand that it seems to be working, at least so far -
These young people are self-aware, they're culturally aware, they're open and accepting as hell, and they don't give two shits about "Well, that's the way we've always done it", or "Well, society says it HAS to be XYZ not ZYX," particularly in terms of the -isms. Kids seem less hateful towards each other, less understanding of the status quo, and more willing and able to see, create, and be the change so many of us have been working hard for. (Again, not all the youths are exceptional, but I don't know any homophobic kids in my real life, and I DO know a ton of Black Lives Matter supporters, a ton of kids who go to protests, or kids who call and make sure things are accessible for their friends/siblings/family members, who blog against Asian American/Pacific Islander hate, just to name a few.)
And yes, I'm going to give the parents and extended influences of those young people a lot of credit for that- Hello Millenials, Gen X-ers, the youngest of Boomers who somehow turned into hippie grandparent- because every parent or person I know who's got even a tiny part in raising some kids seems absolutely determined to "do a better job", whatever that might mean to them personally. I'm going to go ahead and says some stuff without outing entire generations of people, because I don't think either of these generalizations will come as a surprise, but Gen-Xers often grew up in a land of self-sufficiency & media literacy that their parents just didn't understand (what I'm going to call Latch Key/Toys R Us Kids, and as a member of the Oregon Trail Micro-Generation, a place I will claim as my origin story) and Millenials are used to being blamed for shit they had nothing to do with and being forced into meeting expectations that are in no way reasonable (the Once in A Lifetime Recession happens every single time I'm looking for work generation, if you will). And both of those groups of people, once they started having children of their own, basically looked around at the expectations of society, and how they really got screwed because of them, and were like "Fuck this shit: I'm doing better by my kid(s)."
(Kindness isn't just words. It's actions. Show kids what that means. pix)
And then they DID.
Which is really the most startling part of the whole thing, if you think about it, because every group of parents WANTS to do better by their kids, but - as we so often find out in hindsight - they very often fall incredibly short of those goals. And I'm not saying that X-ers and Millenials have perfected parenting with their Zs and Alphas: We will, without a doubt, begin having the conversations about how we messed them up any day now (or, if you're lucky enough to have a couple of early Z-ers, you've already started having these conversations, and wow: aren't they fun?). BUT, in a lot of ways, parents around my age and younger put in some real work.
We did research... SO MUCH RESEARCH.
We went to therapy... SO MUCH THERAPY.
We dealt with our own traumas, in order to break generational traumas ... SO MANY TRAUMAS.
I literally know of no parents my own age or younger, who haven't - at the very least - done a shitton of self reflection and tried a different way, when they realized something they were doing (yelling, spanking, bribing, fawning, helicoptering, whatever) wasn't giving them the results - attentive kids, better communication, clean bedrooms, less spoiled brat behavior, etc - they were hoping for.
And we can say a lot of good things about our parents - the Boomers and Hippies, a lot of whom tried to do better in their own ways too - but self-reflection and re-examining the roles we all play in society and within families was not their strongest suit. Hell, depending on how old your parents were, you could've been raised with full on "emotions are evil, shut that shit down" Silent Generation-ers, and still you're out here attempting Gentle Parenting and letting your kid have a tantrum in the Target parking lot. I'm so proud of you!
We saw that society expected us to be independent, but that, as we got older, intradependence is what saved us, so we started teaching empathy and community and communication, even though we had to learn it from scratch then too. We saw that "hey you can't depend on your job for everything - maybe you can't depend on it for anything" and we started to tell kids to focus on things that made them feel whole, and happy, and to not neglect those things just because of their jobs/school/whatever society said was more important. We continue to get slapped in the face with the ways in which inequality is a planned feature of our society, and so we taught our kids to recognize it from the beginning, to name it when they see it, to actively work against it.
(Love Makes A Family. Book format is also like a large board book, so this is really a good "all ages" kind of book. pix)
Anyways, now that I've patted us all on the back for ... you know, trying to parent in a way that actually takes our children into account, like all parents SHOULD have been doing for all times, let's move on to the next point, my main point, even. And that is the tools we use to engage in responsive, responsible, effective parenting (or teaching, or counselling, or interacting with children in any way), and how one of our best tools for that is books.
Like many of my fellow Cannonballers, books are a vital thing in my life. I am not exaggerating when I say I would not be alive without them, and so I don't tend to underestimate how important they can be, ever, but I often see them undervalued in the greater world, which is unfortunate. Unfortunate because books can be one of an adults most essential tools for teaching - well, for teaching anything, but if we're talking about how we go about teaching our kids how to become good people? Then books can be 90% of your toolbox, and the other 10% is just living what you're preaching.
Want to teach small children going out to face the big bad world (of preschool) alone for the first time that it's ok to be scared or lonely? Llama Llama Misses Mama by Anna Dewdney is going to give you both some much needed comfort. Want to teach your teenager that they're capable of finding & making "good trouble"? Try the March trilogy by Civil Rights hero John Lewis. Want a picture book that tells your kid that being their 'best' means being themselves? Try I'm A Lot Sometimes by Jack Guinan. Something about how nonsense is necessary to a full life? Hit up Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. Something that speaks on first love and first loss? Try Joy School by Elizabeth Berg.
And so we (finally!) come to today's three books:
Kindness Makes Us Strong & Love Makes A Family, both by Sophie Beer; and What Happened to You? by James Catchpole.
Kindness Makes Us Strong & Love Makes A Family are boldly illustrated declarations of love, acceptance and the different ways we can live out our values in our real lives. They're both populated by characters of different colors, ability levels, genders, and ages, while also ensuring that no one is specifically shown as "different" meaning lesser or unequal (a pitfall of many early 'melting pot' books or books that have disabled characters, but show them as people we should all be helping, for example). The books are simple reads, with simple messages, and little kids really GET THEM. They're perfect for talking about what kinds of ways love shows up in your family, and what kinds of ways you all can/do show kindness to each other - and also, what to do when kindness is hard. This is what I meant by books being a tool - If you're trying to teach your kids what it means to be a good human, and you don't have examples of how they can be good humans, then it is a lot harder for them to learn.
Something else that might be harder for tiny humans to understand is "what things can I be curious about, and what things should be private", and that leads us straight into What Happened To You? As a disabled person, the number of times I have been asked invasive questions about my health, my disability status, my wheelchair, &/or other more embarrassing private things about my body in public is really too high to count. And each disabled person has their own comfort level about questions and what they are willing to share: For example, I don't care if your four year old asks me what's wrong with my legs, bc I was a preschool teacher, and I'm used to answering those kind of questions from tiny humans. I prefer it, actually, to the whisper-yelling you think you are subtle about (you are not) when you're kid asks you, and you drag them away from me, which I think teaches them to be afraid of people like me. But I don't answer invasive questions from adults, and I get a lot of those too. Also, that's just me: Other disabled adults AND CHILDREN get to decide their own comfort levels with both the question and the answers they give, and that is 100% the point of What Happened to You?
In the book, Joe has only one leg, and uses crutches sometimes. But when he's approached by one kid after the other after the other at the playground who all ask him what happened to him, and offer up their own absurd theories about his missing leg, he doesn't want to answer them. He wants to play pirates, and stay away from invisible crocodiles and sharks circling his ship. Eventually, the other kids catch on to the real game, and we never do find out why Joe is missing a leg. We do find out that all of the kids are very good at being pirates.
My love for this book is immense, and for so many reasons. How do you teach kids that it's ok to ask questions, but also prepare them for the fact that sometimes people don't want you to ask questions, or don't want to answer your question, and that's ok too? This book. How can you explain to non-disabled children that disability is just another regular part of a disabled person's life, not something they constantly think about and worry over and focus on? This book. How can you show that everybody - including disabled people - are owed privacy and allowed not to answer intrusive questions? This. Book.
So there you have it - Three more books to add to your toolbox, if you're working on making the young ones in your lives more empathetic and whole humans. Since we aren't going to be perfect, we just have to aim for better, and these books - and so many like them - can help us get there.
January 23, 2024
2024 Schneider Family Honor for Young Readers!
February 26, 2022
Oh, what a beautiful, beautiful book! OMG, the wordless page where he's all alone, looking sad. My heart.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFjjX...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFjjX...
July 3, 2022
This picture book is aimed at younger children. The illustrations are set out well - there is enough of interest on each page, without overcrowding with detail. Joe is at a playground and is playing his favourite game with pirates and sharks. His game is interrupted by other children asking why he has one leg. Joe is not interested in answering their questions, he wants to play his game. Does it actually matter why Joe has one leg? This is a nice story, and it helps children to see and accept differences, and to point out that they don't always need to know the answers.
March 30, 2021
I hope this book will be translated into many different languages so that as many adults and children can get as full access to it as possible as everyone need to read this beautiful worka
I would recommend this book to adults and children alike because it brings up an important simple fact that everyone in society needs to learn about disability. And the books does this in a gentle yet matter of fact way that that makes the reader(no matter the age) reflect on disability in a respectful and empathetic way that makes perfect sense when you first really think of it. And in a way that perfectly reflect children's ability to reflect and learn even when met with something that conflicts with what their previously lived experiances.
It also provides simple and clear examples of what parents can do instead when talking about disability and healthy boundaries with their children that doesn't create shame or fear.
I love that the book is in fact written by someone who has had lived experiance with the subject since childhood and therefore manages to illustrate this theme in a realistic and respectful way.
The illustrations are charming. They bring out the story in a live way that can easily catch the eye and imagination of young children. Beautifully drawn in a way that doesn't dominate the story being told but lifts it and at the same time manages to show the emotional expressions and the fantastic life of children's imagination.
This is a book that I wished everyone had read, that ecisted when I myself was a kid. A book that should be added to any bookshelf/library including in kindergardens. This is a book I would've loved to read with the kids in the kindergardens I worked in. I can imagine allthe good conversations and musing we could've had and also it being used as a positive tool to educate them in how to view disability and the disabled in a non-ableist way.
I hope this book will be translated into many different languages so that as many adults and children can get as full access to it as possible!
Thank you James Catchpole and Karen George!
I would recommend this book to adults and children alike because it brings up an important simple fact that everyone in society needs to learn about disability. And the books does this in a gentle yet matter of fact way that that makes the reader(no matter the age) reflect on disability in a respectful and empathetic way that makes perfect sense when you first really think of it. And in a way that perfectly reflect children's ability to reflect and learn even when met with something that conflicts with what their previously lived experiances.
It also provides simple and clear examples of what parents can do instead when talking about disability and healthy boundaries with their children that doesn't create shame or fear.
I love that the book is in fact written by someone who has had lived experiance with the subject since childhood and therefore manages to illustrate this theme in a realistic and respectful way.
The illustrations are charming. They bring out the story in a live way that can easily catch the eye and imagination of young children. Beautifully drawn in a way that doesn't dominate the story being told but lifts it and at the same time manages to show the emotional expressions and the fantastic life of children's imagination.
This is a book that I wished everyone had read, that ecisted when I myself was a kid. A book that should be added to any bookshelf/library including in kindergardens. This is a book I would've loved to read with the kids in the kindergardens I worked in. I can imagine allthe good conversations and musing we could've had and also it being used as a positive tool to educate them in how to view disability and the disabled in a non-ableist way.
I hope this book will be translated into many different languages so that as many adults and children can get as full access to it as possible!
Thank you James Catchpole and Karen George!
October 30, 2021
Kids are not very self-aware. This is why they stare or ask inappropriate questions to complete strangers, which is the premise of this book. This story is about a little boy with only one leg who is tired of all the questions at the playground. After all, he’s still just a boy who wants to play. This book is a fantastic way to start a dialogue with out children about disabilities and how to be polite in public. The author, who is disabled himself, provides some tips in the back to prepare our children for these encounters. He says “...it’s still worth your child knowing that disabled people are just like anyone else...not looking to be a teachable moment.” The illustrations are bright and clean, making a serious issue a little less intimidating for our young audience. A pointed message done with humour, this is a lovely book that will be a window for some and a mirror for others, both experiences being rich and necessary.
July 17, 2021
A straightforward book about a boy who wants to play pirates, but the other kids are focused on his missing leg. How does he deal with that? Like a pro who has definitely weathered more than a few storms and attacks in his day.
A well-done book to begin (and continue) a discussion with young kids about what matters and what's periphery. Grown-ups could benefit from this too.
A well-done book to begin (and continue) a discussion with young kids about what matters and what's periphery. Grown-ups could benefit from this too.
June 9, 2021
I had higher hopes for this one- I didn't care for the use of "kid" as a pejorative until the conflict was resolved and then they were called by name. Somehow the message got lost between "kid 1" "kid 2" and the dialogue was hard to follow.
June 27, 2021
A must read for everyone!
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