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Skink #8
Squeeze Me
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Humor (2020)From the best-selling author of Skinny Dip and Razor Girl, a new novel that captures the Trump era with Hiaasen's inimitable savage humor and wonderful, eccentric characters. A surefire best seller.
Carl Hiaasen's Squeeze Me is set among the landed gentry of Palm Beach. A prominent high-society matron--who happens to be a fierce supporter of the President and founding member of the POTUSSIES--has gone missing at a swank gala. When the wealthy dowager, Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons, is later found dead in a concrete grave, panic and chaos erupt. The President immediately declares that Kiki Pew was the victim of rampaging immigrant hordes. This, as it turns out, is far from the truth. Meanwhile a bizarre discovery in the middle of the road brings the First Lady's motorcade to a grinding halt (followed by some grinding between the First Lady and a lovestruck Secret Service agent). Enter Angie Armstrong, wildlife wrangler extraordinaire, who arrives at her own conclusions after she is summoned to the posh island to deal with a mysterious and impolite influx of huge, hungry pythons . . .
Completely of the moment, full of vim and vigor, and as irreverent as can be, Squeeze Me is pure, unadulterated Hiaasen.
Carl Hiaasen's Squeeze Me is set among the landed gentry of Palm Beach. A prominent high-society matron--who happens to be a fierce supporter of the President and founding member of the POTUSSIES--has gone missing at a swank gala. When the wealthy dowager, Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons, is later found dead in a concrete grave, panic and chaos erupt. The President immediately declares that Kiki Pew was the victim of rampaging immigrant hordes. This, as it turns out, is far from the truth. Meanwhile a bizarre discovery in the middle of the road brings the First Lady's motorcade to a grinding halt (followed by some grinding between the First Lady and a lovestruck Secret Service agent). Enter Angie Armstrong, wildlife wrangler extraordinaire, who arrives at her own conclusions after she is summoned to the posh island to deal with a mysterious and impolite influx of huge, hungry pythons . . .
Completely of the moment, full of vim and vigor, and as irreverent as can be, Squeeze Me is pure, unadulterated Hiaasen.
353 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 25, 2020
About the author
Carl Hiaasen
121 books8,022 followersCarl Hiaasen was born and raised in Florida. After graduating from the University of Florida, he joined the Miami Herald as a general assignment reporter and went on to work for the newspaper’s weekly magazine and prize-winning investigations team. As a journalist and author, Carl has spent most of his life advocating for the protection of the Florida Everglades. He and his family live in southern Florida.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 4,252 reviews
June 20, 2020
I don’t think I knew how much I needed this book until I started reading. Yes, it’s based in our current reality but Hiaasen has a gift for stretching that reality to ridiculous lengths until you reach a place where you can only look up & laugh. However, fair warning to fans of the Orange One & his posse….you may not find this quite so amusing.
In fact, supporters of those who suffer from inherited wealth, political ambition or general pretension may have trouble locating their funny bone. It’s definitely the blue collar crowd who shine in this warped & twisted tale set in.…where else….Florida.
It all begins when 72 year old Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons disappears during a charity ball. She & her gang of wealthy widows have serious pull in the swanky town of Palm Beach & it’s not long before a full scale search is underway. Alas, they don’t know what we do….what really happened to Kiki (brief time-out here just to say “eeeww”).
Turns out a couple of other people have figured it out. One is professional wildlife wrangler Angie Armstrong, our MC. She specializes in relocating pesky critters & soon puts two & two together as to the whereabouts of the elderly socialite. Not that anyone believes her. But Angela is the persistent, feisty sort & soon ropes in the local chief of police & a weary secret service agent. And hey, maybe they can also help with her crazy stalker.
Hold on to your hat as this takes off in a dozen direction. Pretty soon we’re knee deep in illegal immigrants, angry mobs, dangerous tanning beds & pythons on LSD. This is a little darker & edgier than usual for Hiaasen & you have no doubt where he stands on current issues. But instead of a ranting polemic, he gets it off his chest in the form of an entertaining story full of the colourful characters & bizarre events that have become his trademark. Social commentary is sharply observed & humour ranges from cleverly satirical to ridiculously silly.
This was exactly what I needed in the midst of all the mayhem. Angie is my kind of girl & I enjoyed riding shotgun as the story unfolds. There’s never a dull moment, lots of laughs & characters you’ll root for including one of my personal faves. Sadly, some of the most bizarre bits are probably true.
If your weekend plans include a rally in Tulsa, give this a pass. The rest of you can grab a beverage, relax & prepare to giggle.
Reading tool kit should include: sunscreen, flip flops, pepper spray & vodka (a couple of those little cocktail umbrellas wouldn’t go amiss…).
In fact, supporters of those who suffer from inherited wealth, political ambition or general pretension may have trouble locating their funny bone. It’s definitely the blue collar crowd who shine in this warped & twisted tale set in.…where else….Florida.
It all begins when 72 year old Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons disappears during a charity ball. She & her gang of wealthy widows have serious pull in the swanky town of Palm Beach & it’s not long before a full scale search is underway. Alas, they don’t know what we do….what really happened to Kiki (brief time-out here just to say “eeeww”).
Turns out a couple of other people have figured it out. One is professional wildlife wrangler Angie Armstrong, our MC. She specializes in relocating pesky critters & soon puts two & two together as to the whereabouts of the elderly socialite. Not that anyone believes her. But Angela is the persistent, feisty sort & soon ropes in the local chief of police & a weary secret service agent. And hey, maybe they can also help with her crazy stalker.
Hold on to your hat as this takes off in a dozen direction. Pretty soon we’re knee deep in illegal immigrants, angry mobs, dangerous tanning beds & pythons on LSD. This is a little darker & edgier than usual for Hiaasen & you have no doubt where he stands on current issues. But instead of a ranting polemic, he gets it off his chest in the form of an entertaining story full of the colourful characters & bizarre events that have become his trademark. Social commentary is sharply observed & humour ranges from cleverly satirical to ridiculously silly.
This was exactly what I needed in the midst of all the mayhem. Angie is my kind of girl & I enjoyed riding shotgun as the story unfolds. There’s never a dull moment, lots of laughs & characters you’ll root for including one of my personal faves. Sadly, some of the most bizarre bits are probably true.
If your weekend plans include a rally in Tulsa, give this a pass. The rest of you can grab a beverage, relax & prepare to giggle.
Reading tool kit should include: sunscreen, flip flops, pepper spray & vodka (a couple of those little cocktail umbrellas wouldn’t go amiss…).
August 15, 2020
Carl Hiaasen returns us to the madness of Florida, in a deranged, irreverent and funny social and political satire featuring the imbecilic Orange one with his gerbil like attention span and his first lady, referred to here by their secret service names of Mastodon and Mockingbird. It is the height of the exclusive Palm Beach charity ball season that so many of the country's wealthy arrive for, with the Casa Bellicosa close by, the Winter White House. Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons is a prominent member of the POTUSSIES, a group of rich, diehard elderly female fans of the current POTUS, founded by and led by Fay Alex Riptoad, enraged by the fake news and lies about their beloved leader, they are frequent visitors to the Casa Bellicosa. The drunk Kiki disappears at a charity ball, with a half bitten ecstasy tablet at the scene, next to a murky koi pond.
It is this event that triggers the multiple bonkers threads of madness that flow from it. Ex-vet, ex-wildlife officer, now wildlife wrangler extraordinaire, divorced Angie Armstrong runs Discreet Captures, employed to remove the wide range of critters that can turn up in homes and businesses. She has a stepson she has remained close to, and is regularly receiving nightly threatening calls from a red neck whack job poacher with only one hand, with Angie having served a prison sentence for her part in the loss of his other hand. Having killed a enormous Burmese python that had just eaten a large meal with a machete at a charity ball venue, the strong, feisty and determined Angie knows exactly what happened to Kiki and is willing to go to considerable lengths to expose the truth. 25 year old Honduran illegal, Diego Beltran finds himself accused of the heinous crime of murder, and despite his innocence, the Orange one's tweets ensure that justice seems beyond reach for him.
With incompetent criminals, the procedures that lie behind the Orange one's tanning bed, the return of the crazed Skink, the ex-Governor of Florida, and the emergence of a huge number of acid tripping Burmese pythons appearing in Palm Beach, Angie finds herself working with secret service agent, Paul Ryskamp, soon to retire, and local Police Chief, Jerry Crosby, to prove Diego's innocence, whilst finding her professional services in strong demand. This outrageously fun and entertaining read is not one for Trump supporters, but for everyone else it is a pure joy of the bizarre, the strange and colourful Florida of Hiaasen's imagination. Given the surreal madness and tragedy of the reality of actual American politics, you need the likes of Hiaasen to provide some much needed comic relief. Many thanks to Little, Brown for an ARC.
It is this event that triggers the multiple bonkers threads of madness that flow from it. Ex-vet, ex-wildlife officer, now wildlife wrangler extraordinaire, divorced Angie Armstrong runs Discreet Captures, employed to remove the wide range of critters that can turn up in homes and businesses. She has a stepson she has remained close to, and is regularly receiving nightly threatening calls from a red neck whack job poacher with only one hand, with Angie having served a prison sentence for her part in the loss of his other hand. Having killed a enormous Burmese python that had just eaten a large meal with a machete at a charity ball venue, the strong, feisty and determined Angie knows exactly what happened to Kiki and is willing to go to considerable lengths to expose the truth. 25 year old Honduran illegal, Diego Beltran finds himself accused of the heinous crime of murder, and despite his innocence, the Orange one's tweets ensure that justice seems beyond reach for him.
With incompetent criminals, the procedures that lie behind the Orange one's tanning bed, the return of the crazed Skink, the ex-Governor of Florida, and the emergence of a huge number of acid tripping Burmese pythons appearing in Palm Beach, Angie finds herself working with secret service agent, Paul Ryskamp, soon to retire, and local Police Chief, Jerry Crosby, to prove Diego's innocence, whilst finding her professional services in strong demand. This outrageously fun and entertaining read is not one for Trump supporters, but for everyone else it is a pure joy of the bizarre, the strange and colourful Florida of Hiaasen's imagination. Given the surreal madness and tragedy of the reality of actual American politics, you need the likes of Hiaasen to provide some much needed comic relief. Many thanks to Little, Brown for an ARC.
December 28, 2020
Carl Hiaasen delivers a clever, humorous novel that’s going to leave you shaking your head saying “Oh no, tell me he didn’t just go there!?” Oh yes friends, he did! And lucky you were along for the ride!
When Kiki Fitzsimmons disappears from a charity ball at the country club in S. Florida, the search is on! After all, she couldn’t and wouldn’t have simply walked away.
Well, leave it to the twisted mind of Carl Hiaasen to take her disappearance to the next level! While your detective skills may be highly-honed, I’m betting more than a few will stumble guessing what happened to our little socialite. So sit back and enjoy the bumpy ride the author is about to take you.
As with any Hiaasen novel, you’re assured to have your requisite laugh-out-loud moments.
This was the perfect send off to such a tough year! What better way to say goodbye to 2020 than through smiles and laughter! I think we could all use more of that!
Posted to : https://books-are-a-girls-best-friend...
Thank you to Edelweiss and Random House Publishing for an ARC to read and review.
When Kiki Fitzsimmons disappears from a charity ball at the country club in S. Florida, the search is on! After all, she couldn’t and wouldn’t have simply walked away.
Well, leave it to the twisted mind of Carl Hiaasen to take her disappearance to the next level! While your detective skills may be highly-honed, I’m betting more than a few will stumble guessing what happened to our little socialite. So sit back and enjoy the bumpy ride the author is about to take you.
As with any Hiaasen novel, you’re assured to have your requisite laugh-out-loud moments.
This was the perfect send off to such a tough year! What better way to say goodbye to 2020 than through smiles and laughter! I think we could all use more of that!
Posted to : https://books-are-a-girls-best-friend...
Thank you to Edelweiss and Random House Publishing for an ARC to read and review.
September 6, 2020
Sad to say that it appears Mr. Hiaasen has lost his ability to provide good humor in his novels. A philandering President, a twenty foot long snake and a dallying first lady provides few chuckles. 2 of 10 stars
August 29, 2020
Hilarious, absurd, and hysterical, this was a well-plotted and bizarre crime thriller with an abundance of black humour and silliness. The main characters were quirky, colourful, and brilliantly portrayed. 4.5 stars!
A central character is the American President, known to the secret service as Mastodon. This portrayal may seem to some as too outrageous to be credible even as satire. He is vile, uncultured, hates immigrants who become his targets for blame and lies, spends time ranting and raging on twitter, loves and creates conspiracy theories, enhances his appearance with bronzing creams and tanning beds. Oh, wait! this portrayal seems right on!
The story begins at the Casa Bellicosa on Palm Beach, near the Winter White House, at an exclusive charity ball. Attending are the filthy rich, the entitled and the frivolous. Among the guests are members of the POTUSSIES, an enthusiastic, fervent fan club for the current POTUS. The group is comprised of elderly women. Head of this group who support their beloved President, is Fay Alex Riptoad. A prominent member is Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons. They devote much time and energy to supporting the President, bewailing the 'fake news' and impeachment hearings.
Kiki, age 72, wanders away from the party while drunk and disappears. Evidence by a murky koi pond suggests that she may have stumbled in and drowned but divers are unable to find her body.
The manager of the mansion/ grounds-keeper does not want anyone to learn of her disappearance to ruin its reputation for partygoers and prospective future guests. He will do anything to keep this a secret. The manner of her death was grotesque. Two incompetent small-time criminals have gotten into the plot to keep the cause of Kiki's death from ever being revealed. Later, Kiki's body is found encased in concrete at a building site.
Angie Armstrong, an ex-veterinarian, ex-wildlife officer, now runs Discreet Captures. She is employed to capture and to remove wildlife pests that have invaded homes and businesses. She had been in prison for causing a poacher to lose his hand. He is now making threatening calls to her daily. Angie knows what really happened to Kiki, but can't yet prove it.
When Diego, an innocent, illegal immigrant from Honduras is unjustly blamed for the murder, Angie is determined to free him from prison. The President seizes on Diego's arrest to falsely rave in speeches and on twitter that Diego was head a terrorist Latino cartel aiming to destroy the American way of life with murders and rapes. This inflames the crowds, including the POTUSSIES, and proof of his innocence will not easily win the young man's release from prison.
There is much more craziness, insanity and plain silliness in the story. This includes the return of deranged ex-governor, Skink, who has been living as a hermit, and who has plans of stirring up trouble to the next level. There is adultery within the Winter White House, the murder of some bungling, hired criminals, pythons on LSD, and a malfunctioning tanning bed.
This should appeal to anyone who enjoys black humour and satire, but beware if you are a supporter of the President!
A central character is the American President, known to the secret service as Mastodon. This portrayal may seem to some as too outrageous to be credible even as satire. He is vile, uncultured, hates immigrants who become his targets for blame and lies, spends time ranting and raging on twitter, loves and creates conspiracy theories, enhances his appearance with bronzing creams and tanning beds. Oh, wait! this portrayal seems right on!
The story begins at the Casa Bellicosa on Palm Beach, near the Winter White House, at an exclusive charity ball. Attending are the filthy rich, the entitled and the frivolous. Among the guests are members of the POTUSSIES, an enthusiastic, fervent fan club for the current POTUS. The group is comprised of elderly women. Head of this group who support their beloved President, is Fay Alex Riptoad. A prominent member is Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons. They devote much time and energy to supporting the President, bewailing the 'fake news' and impeachment hearings.
Kiki, age 72, wanders away from the party while drunk and disappears. Evidence by a murky koi pond suggests that she may have stumbled in and drowned but divers are unable to find her body.
The manager of the mansion/ grounds-keeper does not want anyone to learn of her disappearance to ruin its reputation for partygoers and prospective future guests. He will do anything to keep this a secret. The manner of her death was grotesque. Two incompetent small-time criminals have gotten into the plot to keep the cause of Kiki's death from ever being revealed. Later, Kiki's body is found encased in concrete at a building site.
Angie Armstrong, an ex-veterinarian, ex-wildlife officer, now runs Discreet Captures. She is employed to capture and to remove wildlife pests that have invaded homes and businesses. She had been in prison for causing a poacher to lose his hand. He is now making threatening calls to her daily. Angie knows what really happened to Kiki, but can't yet prove it.
When Diego, an innocent, illegal immigrant from Honduras is unjustly blamed for the murder, Angie is determined to free him from prison. The President seizes on Diego's arrest to falsely rave in speeches and on twitter that Diego was head a terrorist Latino cartel aiming to destroy the American way of life with murders and rapes. This inflames the crowds, including the POTUSSIES, and proof of his innocence will not easily win the young man's release from prison.
There is much more craziness, insanity and plain silliness in the story. This includes the return of deranged ex-governor, Skink, who has been living as a hermit, and who has plans of stirring up trouble to the next level. There is adultery within the Winter White House, the murder of some bungling, hired criminals, pythons on LSD, and a malfunctioning tanning bed.
This should appeal to anyone who enjoys black humour and satire, but beware if you are a supporter of the President!
September 13, 2021
So this is Carl Hiaasen's take on the tRump administration. The leader of the free world, referred to only by his code name of Mastodon (pleased to learn of the animal's extreme size and strength, he asked for a visit to the zoo to see a herd of his namesakes, probably just after requesting an audience with Frederick Douglass), firestorms tweets, spends much time in his custom- built tanning bed, and clomps around his Palm Beach compound (here, Casa Bellicosa). Treated more humanely is the current FLOTUS, Mockingbird, but light work is made of the Orange One and his Base.
Hiaasen readers know what to expect, and he doesn't disappoint. Using the invasive presence of Burmese Pythons in southern Florida, he builds his plot with a mixture of fact and hilarious fiction played against the monied world of Palm Beach. This is a perfect anodyne to what's going on in the real world.
Hiaasen readers know what to expect, and he doesn't disappoint. Using the invasive presence of Burmese Pythons in southern Florida, he builds his plot with a mixture of fact and hilarious fiction played against the monied world of Palm Beach. This is a perfect anodyne to what's going on in the real world.
August 17, 2021
4 stars for a hilarious book recommended by my s-i-l Judie. I have read 11 books by Carl Hiaasen and enjoyed every one. This one is book 8 in the Skink series. Skink is the former Florida Governor who walked off the job in an earlier book. He was and is an environmentalist, given to outrageous acts of sabotage against companies or people who damage the environment. He does not appear in this book until the second half.
The 1st half is about the interchange of incidents between Angela, "Angie" Armstrong, ex Florida Wildlife Officer, Jerry Crosby, Palm Beach Police Chief, a now ex President, along with his wife, and various Secret Service Agents and employees at Casa Bellicosa, aka Winter White House. The President and his wife are never mentioned by name, but the descriptions are so vivid that it is impossible not to know who is who. The second half brings Skink and Jim Tile, a Skink friend into contact with everyone.
Some elements in the book:
Burmese Pythons--an invasive species thriving in the Everglades
Pruitt, a poacher from Angela's past
POTUS Pussies--Wealthy widows who adore the President
Three quotes:
"Angie had been summoned to Casa Bellicosa to unfasten a screech owl from the presidential pompadour, which the low swooping raptor had mistaken for a road-kill fox."
"The President's Secret Service's code name was "Mastotodon." He loved it. "
"On only his second day in the Whit House, the President had ordered his chief of staff to arrange a trip to the National Zoo for a close-up look at a real mastodon."
This was a library ebook through the Libby app.
The 1st half is about the interchange of incidents between Angela, "Angie" Armstrong, ex Florida Wildlife Officer, Jerry Crosby, Palm Beach Police Chief, a now ex President, along with his wife, and various Secret Service Agents and employees at Casa Bellicosa, aka Winter White House. The President and his wife are never mentioned by name, but the descriptions are so vivid that it is impossible not to know who is who. The second half brings Skink and Jim Tile, a Skink friend into contact with everyone.
Some elements in the book:
Burmese Pythons--an invasive species thriving in the Everglades
Pruitt, a poacher from Angela's past
POTUS Pussies--Wealthy widows who adore the President
Three quotes:
"Angie had been summoned to Casa Bellicosa to unfasten a screech owl from the presidential pompadour, which the low swooping raptor had mistaken for a road-kill fox."
"The President's Secret Service's code name was "Mastotodon." He loved it. "
"On only his second day in the Whit House, the President had ordered his chief of staff to arrange a trip to the National Zoo for a close-up look at a real mastodon."
This was a library ebook through the Libby app.
September 3, 2020
Disappointing. Really enjoyed other Hiaasen books, but found this to be too mean spirited toward a President he obviously hates. His overwhelming disdain for Trump caused him to lose the humor normally associated with his other works. It is one thing to poke fun and totally another to have a running hateful diatribe through out.
December 2, 2020
I've long thought Donald Trump must have strayed from the pages on a funny Carl Hiassen novel. No-one else could invent a character as outrageous as him, right?
I am pleased to say even if I were wrong, I was right.
Trump fits seamlessly into his part in Squeeze Me. He's never actually named as such, but we are let in no doubt it's really him.
Hiassen has always done satire well.
On one level, this is a skilfully-written entertaining and funny story.
On another level, it's a savage barb.
I can't wait for the sequel: Skink sets Mastodon free deep in the swamp.
I am pleased to say even if I were wrong, I was right.
Trump fits seamlessly into his part in Squeeze Me. He's never actually named as such, but we are let in no doubt it's really him.
Hiassen has always done satire well.
On one level, this is a skilfully-written entertaining and funny story.
On another level, it's a savage barb.
I can't wait for the sequel: Skink sets Mastodon free deep in the swamp.
October 14, 2020
Carl Hiaasen is always good for a laugh. And this book is no exception. Kiki Pew Fitsimmons is a Palm Beach dowager, a member of the POTUS Pussies. She also happens to have gone missing during a fundraising gala for IBS. In typical Hiaasen fashion, the plot rolls out in hysterical fashion with multiple threads that will keep your head spinning. He excels at clever names and descriptions which always seem to hit the mark.
Hiaasen has a list of those he hates, first and foremost being our idiot president, code named Mastodon by the Secret Service. But the rich and the “rampaging imbeciles” that are Trump supporters also come in for their share of abuse.
Despite the broad humor, Hiaasen still creates real main characters. The secondary characters may be total satire, but Angie, the wildlife wrangler at the heart of this story, comes across as real as you or me.
He also remains a voice for protecting the environment. In an interview with NPR, he says that nature is always a character in its own right in his books.
Scott Brick narrates and has the perfect voice for this, able to maintain a serious tone regardless of how absurd the situation.
Hiaasen has a list of those he hates, first and foremost being our idiot president, code named Mastodon by the Secret Service. But the rich and the “rampaging imbeciles” that are Trump supporters also come in for their share of abuse.
Despite the broad humor, Hiaasen still creates real main characters. The secondary characters may be total satire, but Angie, the wildlife wrangler at the heart of this story, comes across as real as you or me.
He also remains a voice for protecting the environment. In an interview with NPR, he says that nature is always a character in its own right in his books.
Scott Brick narrates and has the perfect voice for this, able to maintain a serious tone regardless of how absurd the situation.
November 20, 2023
I hope he's never re-elected, but if the worst happens, "President Shitweasel" is a good title for him.
I doubt I need to say who I'm talking about, and neither did Carl Hiassen in this book. "El Rotundo" is usually referred to as Mastodon, the Secret Service agents' name for him (which may or may not be true).
The "POTUS Pussies, a group of Palm Beach women who proclaimed brassy loyalty to the new, crude-spoken commander-in-chief", are readying for the Commander's Ball where they will perform their song "Unimpeachable You". One of them goes missing on the grounds of Casa Bellacosa. She had been swallowed by a massive python, though of course Mastodon blames it on immigrants.
This sets in motion a string of events, and wildlife wrangler Angie Armstrong is called upon to help. It's an amusing satire and I was enjoying it a lot until 3/4 of the way through when I read an article about shit the evil orange-haired, orange-skinned behemoth has been saying at his rallies. Stuff that should be absolutely terrifying to anyone who knows history and/or likes living in a democracy.
Still, this is an amusing book, not gut-busting-laughter funny but more snickering-and-chuckling funny. If you enjoy satire and need something to laugh about when it comes to him, this is well worth reading.
I doubt I need to say who I'm talking about, and neither did Carl Hiassen in this book. "El Rotundo" is usually referred to as Mastodon, the Secret Service agents' name for him (which may or may not be true).
The "POTUS Pussies, a group of Palm Beach women who proclaimed brassy loyalty to the new, crude-spoken commander-in-chief", are readying for the Commander's Ball where they will perform their song "Unimpeachable You". One of them goes missing on the grounds of Casa Bellacosa. She had been swallowed by a massive python, though of course Mastodon blames it on immigrants.
This sets in motion a string of events, and wildlife wrangler Angie Armstrong is called upon to help. It's an amusing satire and I was enjoying it a lot until 3/4 of the way through when I read an article about shit the evil orange-haired, orange-skinned behemoth has been saying at his rallies. Stuff that should be absolutely terrifying to anyone who knows history and/or likes living in a democracy.
Still, this is an amusing book, not gut-busting-laughter funny but more snickering-and-chuckling funny. If you enjoy satire and need something to laugh about when it comes to him, this is well worth reading.
September 5, 2020
Should have been titled, "I hate all conservative republicans." First let me say that I have read ALL of Carl Hiaasen's books, as well as the young adult titles to my kids. He along with Dorsey were my favorite authors. Now I know that Hiaasen is a democrat, but I read these books as an escape from all the political crap that's out there now. Kind of like how it's hard to watch sports and ESPN because sports are far from the main focus anymore. I couldn't even finish this book and it seemed like a good story. The problem was that Carl subtly throws in his beliefs and political jabs at the right almost every other page. And YES they are subtle, but unnecessary, almost forced into the story (Angie's Ex as an example). From poking at the catholic religion, to the President and First Lady, as well as the police in chapter 6 that was enough for me (and i'm not catholic, the President, First Lady or a police officer). Very disappointed and did not finish because all I could focus on was Carl Hiaasen's views and agendas rather than the story. **DNF**
January 19, 2023
When I was pulling my Hiassens out of the hoard off the shelf for a pic to post on The ‘Gram it occurred to me that despite owning nearly everything he’s written, I sure haven’t read very many of them. Good news for me should the zombie uprising ever occur! Hiassen may or may not be a familiar name to you, but if you’re a Boomer you may be familiar with this moment in film history . . . .
His books are sort of formulaic in that there are about eleventy-twelve characters and storylines who all become interconnected at some point whilst trying to figure out a fairly easy to solve a mystery. Said mystery always leans toward the zany, and take place in . . . . .
He gets razzed for writing not-so-great female characters, but really all of his characters aren’t super well developed since there are a bounty of them. In real life I imagine him as a die-hard Parrothead, but that may just be me projecting.
The story here is about a missing octogenarian socialite named Kiki Pew who went missing at one of the many galas held down the road from the Winter White House, a Burmese python with a suspicious bulge, the owner of Descreet Captures, bumbling criminals, a fornicating First Lady, callbacks to Skink, a tanning bed from hell and a President who is all about making sure the public knows . . . .
As I said – zany. Fans of the Orange Fuhrer will most definitely want to steer clear.
Read as part of the library’s Winter Reading Challenge – “Humor Me”
His books are sort of formulaic in that there are about eleventy-twelve characters and storylines who all become interconnected at some point whilst trying to figure out a fairly easy to solve a mystery. Said mystery always leans toward the zany, and take place in . . . . .
He gets razzed for writing not-so-great female characters, but really all of his characters aren’t super well developed since there are a bounty of them. In real life I imagine him as a die-hard Parrothead, but that may just be me projecting.
The story here is about a missing octogenarian socialite named Kiki Pew who went missing at one of the many galas held down the road from the Winter White House, a Burmese python with a suspicious bulge, the owner of Descreet Captures, bumbling criminals, a fornicating First Lady, callbacks to Skink, a tanning bed from hell and a President who is all about making sure the public knows . . . .
As I said – zany. Fans of the Orange Fuhrer will most definitely want to steer clear.
Read as part of the library’s Winter Reading Challenge – “Humor Me”
January 8, 2021
The story started off well but by the halfway point it stalled and everything became a little too ridiculous and boring. The jokes about Mastodon stopped being funny at some point and just became tiresome and repetitive. It was disappointing that none of the characters had any redeeming value.
September 12, 2020
Hilarious, at a time when most everyone needs a laugh. An elderly Palm Beach socialite has too much to drink at a fancy resort, and disappears along with her killer. The book moves back and forth between some lowlife criminals hired to hide evidence, an animal capture/control specialist, the Potussies, and the President's and First Lady's antics in the Winter White House. Referred to mostly in their Secret Service monikers (Mastodon and Mockingbird), they are both pilloried by Hiassen: a bird nesting in orange hair, a tanning bed disaster, jailing an innocent illegal immigrant for the crime accusing him of terrorism in social media tweets riddled with typos, both having affairs, one using a vape pen regularly, etc. The stories all come together at a celebration for major campaign donors when huge pythons are released, with our animal control specialist coming to the rescue, controlling the chaos planned by Hiaasen's most iconic character. 4.5 stars, recommended.
September 2, 2020
Too many children's books
I used to like Hiaasen's writing. He wrote funny, snarky and loony. This awful book was his two cents about the current President. It wasn't even good satire. It was childish and stupid. Every time a well known writer weighs in with their political opinions I sense a big publishing company hovering. Carl should go back to writing kid's books at least they require some restraint.
I used to like Hiaasen's writing. He wrote funny, snarky and loony. This awful book was his two cents about the current President. It wasn't even good satire. It was childish and stupid. Every time a well known writer weighs in with their political opinions I sense a big publishing company hovering. Carl should go back to writing kid's books at least they require some restraint.
April 5, 2021
3.5 stars
Carl Hiaasen is a Florida conservationist and journalist whose ecological concerns are highlighted in his humorous novels. Hiaasen always creates comic characters, but he doesn't have to start from scratch in this book. Instead Hiaasen skewers the obese, overly tanned, anti-immigrant, Tweet-happy former POTUS with the yellow-orange pompadour. Trump fans wouldn't like this book.
*****
As the story opens, a golden-age Palm Beach socialite named Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons goes missing from a fundraising soiree at elegant Lipid House.
The police think Kiki Pew drank too many cocktails, took Ecstasy, fell into the Koi pond, and drowned, though divers can't find her body.
A day later the anxious manager of Lipid House, Tripp Teabull, calls animal wrangler Angie Armstrong, who owns and operates a company called Discreet Captures.
A giant Burmese python, eighteen feet long, is perched in a tree on the grounds of Lipid House, and Tripp wants it gone pronto.
Angie prefers to capture and release intruding wildlife, but the snake is too big, and is digesting a giant meal to boot. So Angie has to kill the reptile to be able to cart it off. The wrangler then stores the reptile temporarily, planning to turn it over to wildlife officers, who'll dissect and study it.
Manager Teabull realizes the python must have eaten Kiki Pew, and fears this will adversely affect business at Lipid House. So Teabull hires two goons to steal the dead snake and bury it.
Things don't go according to plan, however, and the police find Kiki Pew's twisted body in a cement grave and the snake's empty carcass near a railroad crossing.
The authorities conclude that Kiki Pew was murdered, and arrest an illegal Honduran immigrant named Diego Beltran for the 'homicide.'
Kiki Pew was a charter member of the POTUS Pussies (aka Potussies), a group of wealthy older Palm Beach ladies who LOVE President Trump.
The remaining Potussies urge POTUS to make an example of Diego Beltran, and - in typical Trump fashion - the president rabble rouses his supporters to condemn the young man. The situation soon gets out of hand, with conspiracy theories running rampant and demonstrators shouting in front of the jail.
For her part, wrangler Angie has figured out what happened to Kiki Pew, and tries to get Diego released from lock-up. As all this goes down, more people are killed to keep Kiki Pew's fate secret.
Meanwhile, POTUS is going about his business: Tweeting, playing golf, having sex with a stripper, going to fundraisers, using his tanning bed, etc.
The tanning bed is high maintenance, with a dedicated South African mechanic to keep it ship-shape, and a chunky Trump double (with a yellow-orange hairpiece) to test it every time the president plans to toast his skin.
The president's wife gets surprisingly kind treatment in this book. FLOTUS is tall, beautiful, and has little to do with her husband in private.
FLOTUS knows her husband's sexual proclivities, and is herself having an affair with her middle-eastern Secret Service agent, Ahmet Youssef, who's been 'renamed' Keith Josephson to keep POTUS's blood pressure in check.
A host of entertaining people make an appearance in the story, including a recurring Hiaasen character named Skink Tyree. One-eyed Skink is a former Florida governor who walked off the job to protest environmental damage. Skink lives off the grid, eats road kill, and is incubating an iguana egg in his empty eye socket.
There's also a police chief who would do the right thing if it wasn't for the Potussies; a Secret Service agent who takes a shine to Angie; a vengeful poacher who lost his hand to an alligator; Kiki Pew's entitled sons, who can't wait to spend their inheritance; and more.
Humor permeates the narrative, the lampooning of Trump is spot on, and the hoity-toity Potussies are priceless.
You can follow my reviews at https://reviewsbybarbsaffer.blogspot.com
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July 30, 2023I loved Carl Hiaasen in my 20s, haven't read one in an age. Realised why when I picked this up, which is he kind of writes the same book pretty much every time. Heroic pro wildlife protag, self centred / stupid-evil rich people, inept villain who had a hand bitten off by Florida wildlife. Used to love them but now it mostly made me feel the futility of satire, which is depressing.
October 12, 2022
To me Carl Hiaasen's novels sometimes get so tangled up in their own hijinks that they run out of steam before I can finish.
Not so "Squeeze Me," which is clever and nutty, and sustains its premise through to the end. Of course, it takes place in the Florida of the president known to his Secret Service as Mastodon, and the FLOTUS known as Magpie (you will believe the stories about her re-negotiating her prenup before moving into the White House after you read this).
Angela Armstrong is a wildlife wrangler called to a society fundraiser to dispose of a huge python stuck in a tree. Since gunshots are discouraged at such events, she dispatches the snake with a machete and hauls it away to turn in to the state on Monday. It's massive enough and has a huge bulge in the middle, having recently eaten a large piece of prey.
There are plenty of fundraisers in that part of south Florida, and Mastodon has a coterie of elderly female supporters who call themselves the POTUSSIES (they were the POTUS Pussies but decided that went a bit far). One of them has disappeared at one of these fundraisers, and Mastodon is calling for justice to be done for the POTUSSIE (her name is Kiki but he calls her "Kikey") and he names an unfortunate Honduran as the probably killer, even though Kiki is not known to be dead, just missing.
There's a subplot about Mastodon's tanning bed at Casa Belicosa, also lots of juicy stories about Angie's job and why she's no longer with the Florida Department of Wildlife. And there are great big snakes all over the place.
"Squeeze Me" is lots of smart fun as long as you don't have a MAGA hat and a fear of snakes. Hiaasen hits a lot of targets straight on with good humor and wit, both of which we can use these days.
Thanks to Knopf and Netgalley for access to this timely romp.
~~Candace Siegle, Greedy Reader
Not so "Squeeze Me," which is clever and nutty, and sustains its premise through to the end. Of course, it takes place in the Florida of the president known to his Secret Service as Mastodon, and the FLOTUS known as Magpie (you will believe the stories about her re-negotiating her prenup before moving into the White House after you read this).
Angela Armstrong is a wildlife wrangler called to a society fundraiser to dispose of a huge python stuck in a tree. Since gunshots are discouraged at such events, she dispatches the snake with a machete and hauls it away to turn in to the state on Monday. It's massive enough and has a huge bulge in the middle, having recently eaten a large piece of prey.
There are plenty of fundraisers in that part of south Florida, and Mastodon has a coterie of elderly female supporters who call themselves the POTUSSIES (they were the POTUS Pussies but decided that went a bit far). One of them has disappeared at one of these fundraisers, and Mastodon is calling for justice to be done for the POTUSSIE (her name is Kiki but he calls her "Kikey") and he names an unfortunate Honduran as the probably killer, even though Kiki is not known to be dead, just missing.
There's a subplot about Mastodon's tanning bed at Casa Belicosa, also lots of juicy stories about Angie's job and why she's no longer with the Florida Department of Wildlife. And there are great big snakes all over the place.
"Squeeze Me" is lots of smart fun as long as you don't have a MAGA hat and a fear of snakes. Hiaasen hits a lot of targets straight on with good humor and wit, both of which we can use these days.
Thanks to Knopf and Netgalley for access to this timely romp.
~~Candace Siegle, Greedy Reader
August 30, 2020
Narrow focused hatchet job on President and First Lady is a slut. Hiaasen’s humor has saved me during stressful times. Not this time. Disappointed
August 31, 2020
Wow, Carl calm down!
Your distaste of Trump, I understand, but making that a main theme in the story was STUPID.
I was reading to escape the reality of Trump and your book did not help.
Your distaste of Trump, I understand, but making that a main theme in the story was STUPID.
I was reading to escape the reality of Trump and your book did not help.
May 19, 2021
Silly and ridiculous? Yes!, but oh so funny except for Trump fans, as this political satire certainly skewers him to the max. Not sure the First Lady deserved the portrayal, but it IS supposed to be fiction, right?
I loved the main character, Angie Armstrong wildlife wrangler and her interesting job. Of course, cornering and euthanizing HUGE pythons was a surprise in Palm Beach as it is apparently too far north of their typical habitat. But pythons are a predominant feature of the story line. A story line that is as crazy as the looney tunes characters that inhabit it with a few exceptions!
I have never read Hiaasen before and this was an unusual choice for my f2f book club as it reassembles for monthly get togethers. Maybe the person that recommended it knew we all needed just a good laugh as we come out of our sequestered lives of the last 14 months. Hiaasen does use quite a bit of crude language and descriptions but I gave it a pass as I was so totally taken with the plot and hijinks that ensued. I'm not a fast reader but I zipped through (for me) and was happy how everything ended up.
I loved the main character, Angie Armstrong wildlife wrangler and her interesting job. Of course, cornering and euthanizing HUGE pythons was a surprise in Palm Beach as it is apparently too far north of their typical habitat. But pythons are a predominant feature of the story line. A story line that is as crazy as the looney tunes characters that inhabit it with a few exceptions!
I have never read Hiaasen before and this was an unusual choice for my f2f book club as it reassembles for monthly get togethers. Maybe the person that recommended it knew we all needed just a good laugh as we come out of our sequestered lives of the last 14 months. Hiaasen does use quite a bit of crude language and descriptions but I gave it a pass as I was so totally taken with the plot and hijinks that ensued. I'm not a fast reader but I zipped through (for me) and was happy how everything ended up.
September 13, 2020
OK, Carl Hiaasen (of the newspaper and publishing Hiasasens) finally lets loose with another satirical romp in South Florida. Most of the actions centers about the Winter White House in Palm Beach, Casa Bellicosa where the portly president resides (Secret Service code name "Mastadon", First Lady's is "Mockingbird".) The book is a great send-up of charitable event staging, political fundraising and various shenanigans. The primary entertainment for the prez is provided by his "nutritionist" but the first lady has no problem keeping herself entertained. Enter an invasion of the boa constrictors and the main protagonist, Angie, who is a professional wild animal removal expert is called into action. She is just of out of prison for forcing the arm of an alligator poacher into the mouth of his target, but I digress ... Since it is a Hiaasen novel, you know it will keep you entertained, particularly if you, like him, enjoy Florida partially due to the weirdness it provides. Met Carl on several signing occasions and when a lady asked him where he gets his weird ideas, he said "Pick up the daily paper!" As usual, fast paced, hilarious, and of course "Skink", the ex-Florida governor who went berserk and disappeared into the Everglades and now lives on barbecued road kill has to make an appearance -no one dishes it out to the bad guys the way he does. Only problem now? Too long until the next one!
June 16, 2020
Angie runs her own business, Discreet Captures, in Palm Beach, FL where she traps and relocates wildlife. She receives a call from the caretaker of a local estate about a giant python and manages to remove the snake without offending party guests. But what happened to Kiki Pew, the wealthy hostess who seems to have vanished from the event? Her posse of frequently-intoxicated elderly socialites demands to know. Could an evil foreigner be responsible for Kiki’s disappearance, as the POTUS claims? When Angie meets up with a classic Hiaasen character, Skink, she starts to worry about what will happen at the next POTUS event at his compound, Casa Bellicosa. Warning: if you are a fan of the current US president, you might find this novel offensive. However, if not, and you could use a laugh, and you enjoy the satirical writing of Carl Hiaasen, you will want to put his new book on your to-read list. Thanks to Edelweiss and the publisher for providing an advance copy in exchange for an honest review.
January 8, 2023
I thought Squeeze Me was great fun.
Set in Florida, the plot involves the lives of the very rich and of the President being disrupted by the appearance of some huge Burmese pythons, a species which has established itself in Florida largely through abandoned pets as they became to big to handle. Angie Armstrong is a wildlife removal specialist who becomes involved and then enraged by the cover-up and attempt to frame an innocent man for political gain. A convoluted, amusing and rather gripping story ensues.
I thought it was terrific. Angie is an extremely engaging protagonist and Hiaasen writes very well about both his characters and the Florida setting. It has genuine wit and some laugh-out-loud moments and the scathing satire both of Donald Trump (whom he is careful never to name) and of the rich, privileged world in which he moves is extremely well done.
This is the first Carl Hiaasen book I have read but I’ll certainly be reading more. It’s a very entertaining read and I can recommend it very warmly.
(My thanks to Sphere for an ARC via NetGalley.)
Set in Florida, the plot involves the lives of the very rich and of the President being disrupted by the appearance of some huge Burmese pythons, a species which has established itself in Florida largely through abandoned pets as they became to big to handle. Angie Armstrong is a wildlife removal specialist who becomes involved and then enraged by the cover-up and attempt to frame an innocent man for political gain. A convoluted, amusing and rather gripping story ensues.
I thought it was terrific. Angie is an extremely engaging protagonist and Hiaasen writes very well about both his characters and the Florida setting. It has genuine wit and some laugh-out-loud moments and the scathing satire both of Donald Trump (whom he is careful never to name) and of the rich, privileged world in which he moves is extremely well done.
This is the first Carl Hiaasen book I have read but I’ll certainly be reading more. It’s a very entertaining read and I can recommend it very warmly.
(My thanks to Sphere for an ARC via NetGalley.)
September 13, 2020
Carl's drinking the Kool Aid
I used to love this author, his quirky characters , and the witty repartee. His love for Florida, pre- overwhelming development, is still admirable. However, his barely disguised attack of a sitting President and family is beyond the pale, and I will no longer be a follower.
I used to love this author, his quirky characters , and the witty repartee. His love for Florida, pre- overwhelming development, is still admirable. However, his barely disguised attack of a sitting President and family is beyond the pale, and I will no longer be a follower.
September 19, 2020
Hiassen satire at its best! Presidential references are hysterical and incredibly authentic.
Loved Scott Brick's narrating and listening to anything he does is always a joy!
Hiaasen is magical and especially appreciated during these unpredictable times.🗳
Loved Scott Brick's narrating and listening to anything he does is always a joy!
Hiaasen is magical and especially appreciated during these unpredictable times.🗳
March 5, 2024
Donald Trump apparently has a lethal aversion to reading. It's a shame. I really think he'd love this book.
June 15, 2021
Where's that sixth star when you need it? This book (which I listened to, rather than reading in physical book format) was masterfully read by Scott Brick and it washed over me like cool water on a burning hot day. To put it mildly, I needed Hiaasan's signature comedic genius to lighten my days, and he delivers with Squeeze Me. Angie Armstrong is a lovably imperfect wildlife wrangler and disgraced former veterinarian who, in a moment of highly forgivable weakness, fed a wildlife poacher's hand to a hungry alligator. She served her time and remade herself as a catcher of unwanted wildlife most average civilians won't go near (for good reason). When she's summoned to an upscale social club to euthanize and remove a gigantic Burmese python, one thing leads to another, and things get weirder and weirder... Hiaasen skewers the former US executive administration with finesse and hilarity. You will find yourself rooting for the former First Lady, known here as "Mockingbird", and her Secret Service lover. You'll find yourself adoring Angie and her crusade to clear the name of a hapless, innocent Honduran man whom the President has latched onto as his most recent bête noire. And best of all.... Skink returns. When will we get our Skink movies? Why hasn't Hollywood done this yet? Also, I have a new favorite expletive: "f*ckaroo".
December 15, 2020
I confess to being a bit of a literary snob who tends to read (mostly contemporary) "literature" that has no genre. I almost never read mysteries or detective stories, and while I do love psychological thrillers when they are done well, I find very few that are. Every now and then we all need a good laugh and a break and escape from the intensity of our current world. This book was that for me.
Carl Hiaasen is in a category all his own, and is (almost) always good for seriously hilarious, laugh-out-loud characters, scenes and plots. This is one of his best in the last decade. With a sharp tongue and deep satire, he deftly covers many shenanigans of the elite in Palm Beach, FL where a thinly-disguised president (Mastodon) and first lady (Mockingbird) are having antics around a fund-raiser sponsored by the POTUS Pussies. Add in a half dozen gigantic Burmese Pythons, and some serious satire, and you’ve got a hilarious new romp with Hiaasen’s newest characters. Skink does make a brief appearance, and I would love to have heard more from him, but he plays his part well.
Don’t read this if you are a Trumpeteer because you won’t like what Hiaasen does with “Mastodon” but if you want a funny, intelligent satire this is a great one to escape from the real world for a few hours. AND if you can listen to the audio version, do so, as it is narrated by the incomparable Scott Brick.
Carl Hiaasen is in a category all his own, and is (almost) always good for seriously hilarious, laugh-out-loud characters, scenes and plots. This is one of his best in the last decade. With a sharp tongue and deep satire, he deftly covers many shenanigans of the elite in Palm Beach, FL where a thinly-disguised president (Mastodon) and first lady (Mockingbird) are having antics around a fund-raiser sponsored by the POTUS Pussies. Add in a half dozen gigantic Burmese Pythons, and some serious satire, and you’ve got a hilarious new romp with Hiaasen’s newest characters. Skink does make a brief appearance, and I would love to have heard more from him, but he plays his part well.
Don’t read this if you are a Trumpeteer because you won’t like what Hiaasen does with “Mastodon” but if you want a funny, intelligent satire this is a great one to escape from the real world for a few hours. AND if you can listen to the audio version, do so, as it is narrated by the incomparable Scott Brick.
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