The Ability To Be Reasonable. Have You Lost The Skill?

Definitions

Reason-Ability – The State Or Quality Of Being Reasonable.

Emotional Intelligence – The Capacity To Be Aware Of, Control, And Express One’s Emotions, And To Handle Interpersonal Relationships Judiciously And Empathetically. __________________________________________________________

It wasn’t until recently that I found an ability of mine to be a very positive one. One that for the majority of my life I argued with myself over. I was frustrated as to why I couldn’t take a rigid, unequivocal stance on viewpoints, issues and current events. I drove down the center line looking at both sides. I was surrounded by people that drew the hard line, preaching their viewpoint, their beliefs and giving no ground away. I often wondered, how can they be so confident that their belief is the right one? My mind through my youth saw this ability from many people around me and often wrongfully admired it. And even more often it made me insecure and question my confidence level.

Through a majority of my professional career and my adulthood my mind has played a tug of war with itself. Why are they so sure of themselves, yet I struggle with who I am? With the profession I've chosen, you come to know every possible personality type that exists. Not only from those we arrest and deal with professionally, but from those we work with daily.

Law Enforcement Officers are a funny breed, most are Alpha Dogs, some are not, but believe they are. And others, others simply dive deep into their overthinking brains to believe that they are always right and you are always wrong. Imagine being that person I described myself to be above and still trying to find success in a world of aggression. Don't get me wrong, and I can't say this clear enough, the vast majority of people I've worked with and continue to work with today are great cops, unbelievable people, caring, empathetic and driven to be kind, helpful and successful in a career that continues to get more difficult.

The trick is, as it is with every profession and every social interaction, you must learn who is out to hurt you and who is out to help you. This is done through solid communication skills, the ability to not just listen, but hear and with empathy in your heart. Tie all of those fundamental skills together with reason, caution and a non-biased mind - Game On.

Over years of conscious thought on my emotional maturity, personal growth and a constant self-evaluation, it wasn’t until recently that I had a slight break through. The breakthrough? I realized I was on the same train as others in the world, the track to self-discovery. It’s just that some are farther along on this path than others. Some exude over-confidence, some refuse to self-evaluate and some are just unaware that it exists. Others still are so full of shit they can’t decide who they, so they snake their way through the tall weeds and sabotage everyone else.

I’ve come to embrace my middle of the road stance on things. I appreciate the fact that I can be reasonable and do believe that one side can’t and most likely rarely is always right. It is our experiences, beliefs, education and personal growth that gives us opinion. But it is with reason, caution and investigation that we find what’s fair and right in the world.

The ability to be reasonable is a diminishing skill. It takes constant conscious thought to be able to not only use it but use it without even thinking about it. It’s a conscious and daily grind, but so import to train our brains use the skill of reasonability like a reflex. Imagine being at a baseball game and the ball comes flying off the bat toward your head. Instinctively, I hope, you react quick enough to move out of the way. Do you only have this reflex because you have already once been hit in the face with a baseball? Of course not.

The stove is hot – touch it once. Hard object (baseball) soft target, (beautiful face), let’s avoid them meeting. The point, being reasonable for most of us should come instinctively to a certain level. But for those of us who want to advance and succeed in life, it's a skill that needs to be worked on over and over again.

Being reasonable eliminates so much bullshit in your life. Being reasonable when other people are not allows us to stay focused and on track. It will help you to stay away from their drama, chaos and negative emotions that they bring through their daily routine.

Emotional Intelligence is a direct contributor to our ability to be reasonable. According to National Geographic Magazine, published in 2020, Emotional Intelligence is “the ability to monitor and manage your emotions and have an awareness of others and the competency to interact.”

Emotional Intelligence Can Be Looked At With Four Pillars:

1.     Being Able To Accurately Perceive Others Emotions

2.     Understanding Your Own Emotions

3.     Using Your Emotions To Help With Thinking And Decision Making

4.     The Ability To Regulate Your Emotions That Fits The Situation

To see just how far I’ve come, occasionally a memory will be provoked in my brain of an incident that I am not proud of from my younger days. Like you, no matter who is reading this, I had many of those. We can expect to grow from it if we don’t appreciate what it was, a learning curve. Much like the baseball analogy listed above, common sense tells us that I don’t need to make every mistake possible in order to learn not to make it. Does that make sense?

If we all learn at our own pace, which I believe we do, who am I to judge where you or anyone I interact with, is on the Emotional Intelligence scale? Who I am to judge, based off a short conversation, disagreement or full-blown argument, what experiences you’ve had in life?

I shouldn’t be allowed to. But, often the judgement can only be stopped by you and the quicker you realize you’re doing it, the stronger you are and will become mentally. Often during my lectures, I ask the group, “Anyone here that has the perfect life, with no problems, no issues, no stresses, raise your hand.” As you can imagine, no one raises their hands.

Judging and evaluating in this articles sense are two very different things. We need to allow our perceptions to guide us in the direction of decision and a evaluation of a person that has come into our lives. How you treat that person is a direct reflection on; 1. How They Treat You And 2. Your Perception Of Them Based On Your Awareness. The more you consciously tie all this together, the more enlightened and self-confident you become.

Knowledge is power on so many levels. But knowledge must be kept to yourself if you plan to reach a goal. This is not permission to hurt others, it is however permission to utilize information you've developed on and from others to become successful.

With empathy, kindness and the ability to be reasonable in your heart and direction, success will be right around the corner.

Life’s a struggle. Life’s exhausting. Life is stressful. Start to really focus and learn about the importance of personal growth, true self-awareness and self-confidence. When you do, you begin to see a faint glow of comfort. A small flame to fan into a hot fire of dominance, growth and success. 

Respect Each Other The Way You Are Respected.

Empathize With Those Around You Long Enough To Evaluate How You Want That Relationship To Develop. And Act Accordingly.

Do Not Forget To Stand Up For Yourself When The Time Calls For it. And Stand Up For Others When They Can’t Do It Themselves. 

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