The Art of Being Gracious

The concept of grace doesn't belong to just ballerinas, swans and gazelles -- though all three are known for their physical embodiment of grace. While grace is certainly a physical attribute, it's also a personality trait. Grace is within the reach of all of us. Neuroscientists and movement specialists agree that it is within the capabilities of everyone, no matter one’s condition or abilities. It is made up of a poised and relaxed body, smooth and efficient motion, attentiveness and compassion.

There is a contented silence to grace. It avoids what is loud, intrusive or offends the eye. Life in the constantly on 21st century is rushed, clumsy and frustrating and it is like this because of what we do to one another – and to ourselves. This is exacerbated by the current pandemic and the uncertainty it brings. We’re overloaded at work and at home. We’re distracted and we let the door slam on the person behind us. We trip over kerbs as we’re texting. Our bent postures show us the unfeeling habits we’ve fallen into – sedentary, weighed down, collapsed over the laptop. We’ve given in to gravity. We’ve forgotten how to move through life with grace.

Grace doesn’t make a fuss about itself, but subtly warms and transforms the atmosphere. In essence, it is the transference of well-being from one who is calm and comfortable to those around them. The graceful person is an image of our ideal selves, the embodiment of the dream we have of existing easily in the world. This is why we are so moved by graceful people, who carry themselves with ease and unselfconsciousness, who seem at peace. Grace can lie in a smooth, well-coordinated motion, or in a humble and tolerant attitude. More often than not, the two go hand in hand. The people who move well tend to be those you want to be around. Their ease comes from being comfortable in their own skins, and that’s what we’re drawn to – what the smooth physicality conveys about a person’s nature. Grace has nothing to do with looks or sophistication, and everything to do with compassion and courage – for instance, to step forward with a warm welcome for someone who has been shunned. People who are humble, unpretentious and direct are the most graceful. 

Graciousness looks easy, but of course it is not. Do not mistake mere manners for graciousness. Manners are rules, but graciousness reflects a state of being; it emanates from your inventory of self. Start with what you already possess. Observe and stay interested in others. Be generous in your attentions but not showy. Don't wink, snap your fingers, high-five, or shout, though laugh with those who do. It bears repeating: Look around. Remember names. Smile. If you can't smile, you can't be gracious.

Remember that the only representation of you, no matter what your station, is you — your presentation, your demeanour. You simply must attend. Stand when someone enters the room. Look them in the eye. Ask yourself: Does anybody need an introduction? If so, before you say one word about business, introduce them to others with pleasure in your voice. If you can't muster enthusiasm for the people you happen upon in life, then you cannot be gracious. Remember, true graciousness demands that you have time for others.

So listen. Be attentive to what people say. Respond, without interruption. You always have time. You own the time in which you live. You grant it to others without obligation. That is the gift of being gracious. The return — the payback, if you will — is the reputation you will quickly earn, the curiosity of others, the sense that people want to be in your presence. The gracious does not dwell on himself, but you can be confident that your reputation precedes you in everything you do and lingers long after you are finished. People will mark you for it. You will see it in their eyes. People trust the gracious person to care. The return comes in kind.