The Art of Self-Mastery

The road to self-mastery starts with self-awareness!

Self-awareness means, as the word suggests, being aware of ourselves. Knowing our strengths, weaknesses, triggers, our beliefs, values and tendencies. Over time we acquire more knowledge about our own self, which helps us understand our personality better and develop further. Our life is a continuous learning journey of ourselves and our environment, in the pursuit of maximising our potential on every level and in every aspect.

Self-awareness is a cognitive state which does not require us to take any action. However, it enables us to take action, which bears the potential to lead us to self-mastery. It is the interplay of our emotions, actions and thoughts. It is important to note that these may change over the course of our lives, so the way to self-mastery is a process in constant flux, which requires not only time, but occasionally also a fair share of courage to change the course of life. Self-mastery is the point where we are able to channel and navigate our thoughts, beliefs and actions in a constructive way that will lead us to where we want to be.

We all view the world through our own unique lens which is moulded and shaped over the course of our lives and is influenced by many extrinsic as well as intrinsic factors. We all have our own perception of the ideal life we want to live, the career we want to have, the goals we want to achieve. In order to reach the desired outcome for our lives (say, being happy, to begin with, whatever your definition of happiness may be) we need to navigate ourselves through the complexity of a social construct (after all, we don’t live in solitude), create our own desired reality by developing and fostering relationships within our environment that will be aligned with our core values, beliefs, attitudes etc. and will ultimately lead us to our destination, whatever it may be.

Transposing all this to leadership in the professional context: I believe that self-leadership is a prerequisite for effective leadership. The most effective leaders will be very aware of themselves and will act according to their own cognitive abilities to influence their environment and build frameworks that will enable them to achieve the desired results. But more importantly, they will be in the position to acknowledge the fact that they don’t always have all the answers (humble leadership). The lack of the above-mentioned attributes, as in having low self-knowledge, may limit one’s ability to develop fruitful relationships, cohesive partnerships and effective collaboration.

Now, in times of crisis all of this becomes a whole lot more challenging. When things become chaotic and the pressure is high, even the best leaders will struggle to remain calm and composed and make rational decisions without taking (risky) shortcuts.

If you are somewhat overwhelmed right now and feel that you lost control over your steering wheel, here are a few tips that may help you in the short term, but first a quick reminder: Self-mastery is not about fighting or suppressing your weak spots, it’s about acknowledging them and channelling them so that they don’t become obstacles.

1.   Pause and Reflect

Once again, slowing down! My key to speeding up is slowing down! Calmness is power!

2.   Find what your fears and triggers are

Think of a situation that made you have negative emotions or reactions: Why were you feeling angry, envious, agitated, impatient etc…what was the situation? Was there a person or more involved? If so, who and how did they influence your emotion/reaction? Analysing this may help you get clarity and find the triggers. 

In Brené Brown's latest book “Dare to Lead”, she mentions, "wherever perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun." Many of our emotional triggers come from a place of shame for not being perfect. You must face your feelings and put shame aside. As Brené Brown suggests, we need to embrace vulnerability and truly ask ourselves: "What is it about this person or situation that makes me so angry?" If we allow ourselves to ask this question, we can begin to spot our emotional triggers. 

3.    Find out (or remind yourself of) what your strengths are

Consult with your closest confidants. Ask them to hold up a mirror and tell you what they believe to be your strong sides and what you need to leave to others. Then find those “others” who will be able to compensate for your shortcomings. The best leaders will know that they can't always have all the answers and more importantly, they will know when they are not the best person for a certain task and make way for those who are.

 4.    Define your values:

These guiding questions will help you identify your core values. Make sure to think of examples from you personal and work life:

 Step 1: Think of the times when you felt really happy.

• Where were you and what were you doing?
• Were other people involved? If yes, who?
• What other factors contributed to your happy feelings?

 Step 2: Think of times when you felt proud of something.

• Why were you proud?
• Did other people share your pride? Who?
• What other factors contributed to your feelings of pride?

 Step 3: Think of times when you felt fulfilled and satisfied.

• What need or desire was fulfilled?
• How and why did the experience give your life meaning?
• What other factors contributed to your feelings of fulfilment?

 Step 4: Ask 5 people in your immediate circle to tell you what they think your values are.

Write it all down.

Now that you have a list of different values, you need to prioritise them, which is probably the most difficult part of this exercise (you may want to consider using a paired comparison analysis).

Pick 5 core values and then ask yourself:

• Am I proud to share these values with people I admire?
• Do these values make me feel good about myself even though they might be not popular?

Knowing your personal traits, characteristics and values will enable you to set boundaries and priorities. It will help you focus on what you can control and influence as opposed to what you can’t. It will help you keep your sense of integrity based on what you know and believe is right. It will help you make decision with confidence, it will boost your performance and communication and consequently enable you to shape an environment you can thrive in. And last but not least, it will nurture valuable relationships that will keep you moving along your journey to a happy life.