REBIRTHING-BREATHWORK: WAY BEYOND THE LIMITATIONS OF PSYCHOTHERAPY

The Confession: I remember when I first got into Rebirthing - Breathwork, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into! The main motivation for going to my first session was curiosity at the surface level but of course all I really wanted was to get over my misery…..

You see, similarly to the majority of people on this planet, at that time I identified completely with my mind, what it was telling me and the feelings that all of this judgment and criticism of myself, others and situations activated in me. I was ruled by my emotions and REALLY BELIEVED I was RIGHT in every situation… I mean, I HAD AN OPINION and it was important. Though I had read about the concept of “the observer”, i.e. the “you” that is observing all the conversations going on in your head, I never really got it… That doesn’t mean I hadn’t done meditation before, but the part I hadn’t really integrated was that I wasn’t my mind, or my emotions… I totally identified with them.

Always valuing intellect, which at that time I considered was a sign of intelligence, I would say that I was an intellectual snob on many levels. I mean, I always got along with everyone and was really “nice”, but deep down there was almost a “contempt”. I covered my discriminating feelings by thinking less intellectual people were “sweet” and so “nice” and “helpful”. I loved manipulating and impressing so I could get people to do things for me - but just for the feeling of power and “intelligence”… “See how smart I am? I can get so and so to do what I want just by being clever and manipulative…”

Naturally, I was completely unaware of this pattern and it took quite some time to even admit I was manipulative… I would have defended myself to the point of rage and fury, denying that the reason I was “so nice” was because deep down I felt “powerless” and needed to behave in that way to get people to “like” me, do things for me, and in this way I somehow felt powerful….

Obviously I needed serious psychological help! :-)

The negative by – product of this behavior was sadness, rage, dark mood swings, absolute stubbornness, denial, cynicism, confusion, distancing myself, elitism, co – dependent relationships and more, whenever I felt unaccepted, disapproved of or ignored…. Well of course, I was ALWAYS right!!

And so, as the years went by of disappointment and dysfunctional behavior, having tried many therapies covering physical, emotional, psychological and energetic, and having read dozens of self - help books (remember I’m an intellectual so the more complicated the better :-) ) I finally stumbled upon Rebirthing - Breathwork. As a matter of fact, it was completely by chance on that fateful day that I decided to go and try this “psychotherapy” technique to help me overcome my fears and blockages and help me to “release” pent up negative emotions….

Thereby began my journey with Breathwork. The facilitator “processed” me on my current problem, asked me a whole bunch of questions about my life and behaviors and then after an hour and a half of talking (I talk a LOT :-) ) I finally lay down to breathe….

The rest is history. I knew this was it – my thing - and embarked on a mission to learn all that I could about this technique… It was a miracle! Though most of all I (and most people) had it confused with some sort of psychotherapeutic technique that would solve my problems…..

Step One: Clearing the Emotional Mind and Physical Drama

So there I was, in my first session… breathing, going deeper and deeper… still conscious of various sensations running through my body, strange unfamiliar sensations, trying to figure out if they were pleasant or unpleasant. The sensations ranged from exciting to acutely painful, I could feel everything that was going on in my body while simultaneously feeling paralyzed. My body almost felt like it was levitating, that a strong current had made me completely stiff, that something was pinning me to the ground but I was also kind of lifting from the earth… It was a pretty weird sensation! :-) More than anything, my body felt ALIVE! Then all of a sudden there was a shift and I was somewhere else… I was in a very vibrant dream but I was conscious, my mind was aware but my ego was switched off…. I could see without judging and my deep inner being was showing me something in very vivid pictures, something I needed to understand and integrate at a profound level, something so important that it was the first step to changing my life….

All the spiritual psychology and self - help books I had read and all of my personal studies hadn’t helped me get beyond intellect into my emotional mind… to re -enact or SEE this “problem” that I had from this perspective. Even though I knew what my mind was telling me logically, I had gone to the core of the feeling and understood a certain choice I had made in my life which no longer served me. Although as with everything in life, it had served me at a certain time/ space and I was grateful for it… WOW! I UNDERSTOOD!! :-) Can you imagine what that was like for someone who was an intellectual snob such as I was? Breathing showed me something beyond my intellect, by making me SEE it and FEEL it at core level! After such an emotional and psychological shake up, I knew something had truly changed or shifted inside me; something all the self- processing, reading and talking about for hours on end with friends or even strangers, had been exposed by a light so bright I could never see the world in the same way again!

I decided to dive in at the deep end and train to become a rebirthing – Breathwork professional…

18 Days of breathing… each session taking me into a bottomless abyss! Discovering that eternity was inside me as well as outside of me… Learning Spiritual Psychology as opposed to Classical Psychology (though I had studied it intensely I finally understood it at a level which really resonated) but most of all revealing layers and layers of pain, decisions, behaviors, perspectives and emotions buried so deep! When was this infinite well going to stop spewing out events which had traumatized and shaped me - but showing me them in a way in which I was eternally grateful to have experienced them….?

WOW, Level 1 of loving ME! Gratitude….

Step 2: Understanding the Energy Body

I must admit I was not a stranger to feeling and understanding energy, both other peoples and my own. The truth was that I was an expert energy shifter, particularly for other people. I was a body worker and was known as “magic hands”, as once I worked on peoples bodies they felt like a huge burden had been lifted… something beyond body work…

What it felt like for me was this. I would put my hand on people’s bodies or even be in their presence, and I would be able to already “feel” so many things about them. Their emotions (I’d feel angry or want to burst into tears), their physical problems (I could “feel” if something was “wrong” with one of their organs but of course, most times didn’t tell people, as I always believed that planting worries in people’s minds was contradictory to their healing… that’s why I never believed in diagnosis), sometimes I could tell what they were thinking, or if they had been abused (I’d get a flash image in my third eye) and I could definitely feel if their Chakras (energy centers) were out of whack…

So I would work through all of these layers and problems physically, while I was in a deep meditation myself… sometimes I’d want to vomit after the sessions because I had taken on so much of the persons Emotional Energy Pollution (E.E.P.)

I was also very sensitive to the energy of nature. When I was in nature or with the elements I could really feel it inside my body… for example if it was windy I could feel myself being unraveled by the wind, the sun would melt me, fire would activate me and my energy centers and water, well with water I just became one!

What you have to look forward to…

So after I had “gotten over myself” emotionally and intellectually (which took me a few years and at least 50 sessions), the new and fantastic surprise of energetically MERGING with everything and everybody intensified…. My breathing sessions became more about letting go… My physical sensations were no longer extremely painful, reflecting the pain I was holding on to for so many years, but rather I vibrated intensely with the energy of the Earth, God and everything (LIFE ENERGY in full force coursing through my veins)… but I was finally no longer involved in “Me”, my ego mind, my problems, and had gone to another level where “I” didn’t matter anymore and all that “was” was in me and around me… This is what we refer to as “The Cosmic Orgasm” experienced during some sessions… true bliss at its epitome…. As Leonard Orr once told me, “Katia, bliss is always there waiting for you once you get over yourself!” :-)

Step 3: Reaching The Space Between Your Thoughts

So as you can imagine, up till this point my sessions were still actually about SENSATION….

I could FEEL, SEE, HEAR, SMELL and TASTE everything that was happening to me. Therefore I was still caught up in the third dimension, no matter how I viewed it…

Ecstasy, Bliss, Gratitude, LOVE, LIFE, All of these energies were flowing through me in every session and afterwards deep PEACE.

At this point my mind was changing and though I was an expert in Spiritual Psychology by this stage, I had started to understand that as long as I was involved with mind or ego, I was totally limiting myself…

By this time I had also become more involved with the true rebirthing Masters and I started to understand that the whole point was to spend as much time in “the Space Between Your Thoughts” as possible. As long as you are thinking, you see, you are not present. Real presence occurs when you are just “being” not “doing”. I understood by being in their presence that true bliss and FREEDOM was to live in the space between your thoughts, or in other words, NOW or THE PRESENT MOMENT!

My sessions also shifted at this stage and all drama dropped… The sensations going through my body diminished and I would almost instantly “disappear” (even from the first breath) and find myself in a loving and peaceful void…. The deepest love and peace imaginable… What I would describe as Unity with God or the Divine…. There was no “me” or anything whatsoever… just infinite emptiness…. Being in this state is so relaxing and reassuring. I believe that this void is the all…. Oh and by the way, what about my problems?…. What problems? :-)

Step 4: Mastering Breathing Energy instead of Air… Connecting to Infinite Intelligence, Infinite Energy, Infinite Manifestation

At this point I finally realized what subtle energy breathing, transcendental breathing, really meant. There was absolutely no forcing or trying… either of the inhale or the exhale. The moment I got into that mindspace, I could feel the energy floating through my nose and into my body from the first breath. It would disperse into my bloodstream and the feeling was so subtle, much like the difference between having sex and making love. I could feel the energy making love to each individual cell, active and passive, empty but complete. Sometimes within that void if I am lucky, I can feel myself being pulled into it deeper… almost like being transformed into a ball of fire… like truly being free to transverse time and space… Like understanding what teleporting or time travelling would be like…. I’m still an infant of this stage but I love it, it “feels” amazing! One thing I understand more than ever is that “dropping your fear” and “surrendering” is more important than ever… I am curious to discover where this new stage will take me. I feel so lucky to have gone so profoundly into my practice and have reached a stage where I believe and know anything is possible…

And so in this state, where nothing means anything, I feel I finally comprehend what complete non identification means. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the occasional “ego attack” in third dimensional time or moments, or I that I don’t have some sessions which bring accumulated negative energy or tension to the surface. Having however known and experienced these blissful, beyond mind states through breathing, I realize that “ego attack” is literally a mind state. The mind is changing but forever present, just like the elements – so I can choose to stay attached to that thought/ mood, or not. I am also grateful for the fact that I am human and can experience these things and am aware that I chose this body and dimension to actually have these experiences. Experiencing all my feelings in their full glory is FUN if I know that it is temporary… Knowing my problems are not as significant as I think and understanding that their importance grows with the amount of attention I give them, like everything else, frees my emotional world. Relating to other people on this level is also a gift, as I see that their identification with their problem IS the problem and I can, in the least, help them find their own temporary relief by explaining these concepts to them.

And what about me? Well, I continue to explore my human and spiritual potential through the breath and through living life… And I am Grateful! <3

Katia Boustani

Rebirthing Breath Master

Master Trainer, Life Mastery

www.rebirth.gr