Jess Zaino
It was way back in the late '70s in Queens, New York that my parents named me, Jessica Zaino. How could they know that their precocious daughter would claim the non-binary "Jess" as a first name and go through her adult life as Jess Zaino. Jess Zay-no. "Just Say No," if you speak it fast with no articulation on the ‘T.’
This was my "a little something about me" to share with a group or at a party when introducing myself. And then almost a decade ago, I met my husband. Majed Sayess. I kid you not. Within five minutes of meeting, I asked him his first name. Majed. Emphasis on the "MA," like apple. "Wow, that’s a different name," I mused, buzzed on blueberry vodka. "What’s your last name?" Sayess. Say yes. "Ha," I laughed. "If we get married, I’ll be Jess Sayess." And yes, 10 years later, I am Jess Zaino Sayess, or Jess Sayess, depending on who is asking.
The surname Say-yes has held significant meaning for me. Jess Zay-no has always been a girl who says yes.
Want to grab a drink? Yes. Want to road trip to Miami on a motorcycle? Yes. Will you marry me? Yes. So, it is no surprise that Shonda Rhimes’ book, "Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person," speaks to me. And how I thought it would be fun to find out what happened if, not just myself, but everyone in the shared workspace and social community I co-founded, The Jane Club, said yes for a week. I asked three of our founding members, Casey Wilson, Shawnta Valdes, and Ryann Werner, to share without friends at Shondaland what it was like to spend a week open to everything and anything that came their way.
Casey Wilson
For our one week of saying yes at The Jane Club, participating ended up being the only thing I said yes to.
Right off the bat our fearless facilitator, Shawnta Valdes, announced that while in Shonda’s case saying yes meant "yes" in the classic sense — yes to invitations of all kinds, new experiences, etc. — for those of us who are chronic yes sayers, "Saying no could be a big yes to your soul."
Now, while I always find a way to subvert any and all rules, this felt legit. As a life-long people pleaser and someone who gains life force from being around people and participating in everything, saying yes is very comfortable for me. Saying no is harder.
And yet there Shawnta was, saying that "no" can mean "yes." FOR ME.
The permission and freedom I felt over the course of this week was astounding.
No, I can’t write that book blurb. No, I can’t do a playdate because I want alone time with my son. No, I can’t do that audition because the material doesn’t appeal. No, I can’t go out because I have been out a ton this week, and I’m simply tired. No, I don’t need to be on my phone all night. In these dark times, no, I don’t need to consume every inch of media and news. No, I don’t need to shape shift depending on who I’m talking to in a desperate bid to make them like me. No, I don’t need to diet every second — I had a baby less than a year ago. No, that doesn’t mean I need to eat every single thing in sight. No, I don’t need to take on someone else’s problems when I’m feeling fragile myself. No. No. Nope.
And the crazy thing is, people took those "no"s. Gracefully.
In saying no, I was also able to pull back a bit. From it all. In the space and silences of the "no," I was able to see there is so very little time. This life is incredibly delicate. A resentful "yes" here and a half-ass "yes" there means the people and the work I love get less. But more importantly, I get less.
This week was about saying yes to myself and yes to seeing "Mamma Mia" twice in a 24-hour period. Now that’s bold.
Jess Zaino is co-founder and Chief Jane of The Jane Club (alongside June Diane Raphael). She is an Emmy-nominated producer for her work with ABC's "The Chew." A native New Yorker, Jess is mom to son, Roane.
Casey Wilson is an actress, comedian, and screenwriter. She is best known for starring as Penny Hartz in the ABC comedy series "Happy Endings," and has since starred in sitcoms such as Hulu's "The Hotwives" and "Marry Me" on NBC. Wilson currently co-hosts (alongside Danielle Schneider) the Earwolf podcast Bitch Sesh. She's mother to Max and Henry.
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