I resent caring for my mum because I have to hide my sexuality
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM a closet gay woman but afraid to come out because of the inevitable drama my mother would create.
Moving back in with her two years ago was a big mistake. But I did it to care for her.
She broke her hip not long after my father passed away and she isn’t very mobile.
I had a part-time job and so moving in to help her was appealing, as it reduced my overheads.
She’s 81 and very religious. She has strong beliefs about premarital sex and is homophobic.
I’m 45 and haven’t had a relationship in so long that I’m losing all my confidence.
I’m fed up with taking Mum to bingo and the library. I want to go out for nice lunches or walks in the hills – anything but stay at home with her.
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I would dearly love to meet somebody. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to balance dating another woman while living at home with Mum.
I could never bring a girlfriend home. And I can’t stay out a lot because of care commitments.
I feel lost, with no purpose.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s sad you feel your life is slipping away like this – everyone deserves some happiness.
Caring for anyone 24/7 is tough so find help through my support pack Help For Carers.
Apply for the Attendance Allowance and insist to your mother that any benefit should be spent on extra care.
Prioritise getting a break from caring, to allow yourself essential time to refresh.
Perhaps you could join a walking club, which is a great way to get some exercise, improve mental health and meet new people.
If you meet somebody new, introduce them as a friend. Your mother doesn’t need to know anything more.
Check out meetup.com for ideas on socialising. Good luck.
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