Nia Long is speaking out for the first time about her breakup with her partner of 13 years, Boston Celtics head coach Ime Udoka, describing the recent, very public demise of their relationship as “a gut punch and then this red carpet of blessing.”

In a new cover story for The Cut, the actor explained, “For the last 22 years, I’ve been pouring out. But at a certain point, you’re like, ‘Woo, I’m looking a little tired.’ Even if I can’t see it, I can feel it. So I try to pour into myself and let everyone know this is a ‘do not disturb’ period.” In September 2022, the Celtics suspended Udoka over reports that he “had an improper intimate and consensual relationship with a female member of the team staff,” per The Athletic. Long says she still doesn't see why this very private matter had to be handled by the team so publicly. “The Celtics made a choice to make my family business public, and I don’t understand why. It could’ve all been handled internally,” she told the magazine. “I do understand why, but I can’t talk about it. Maybe one day I will. You know, fear drives stupidity, and I’ll leave that right there. I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I ever thought I was.”

The Boyz n the Hood star went on to explain that she's been getting through this difficult time in her life by prioritizing her youngest son, 11-year-old Kez, from her relationship with Udoka. She revealed, “My only focus right now is my youngest son ’cause he’s having a really tough time. I’m sure I have some things that I’m suppressing, but I have to do that to take care of him first. That’s the giving. It’s natural. I’m sure I’ll have to circle back with myself several times to reconcile things. But the one thing I’m trying not to harbor is anger.” She added that she's still just trying to figure out what happened between her and her ex “Because, you know, you’re with someone for 12, 13 years, you think you know them.”

Thankfully, following the cheating revelation, Long was met with a flood of support from the public which she says “saved my life.” The actor continued, “It saved my mental well-being because I felt uplifted by the community in a way that felt like my family was checking in and making sure I was okay. And that, I appreciated. I have that for people like Beyoncé. I look at her, and I’m so proud of her because I know how difficult it is to sustain and manage everything she has in her life. My life is probably a smaller version of that. Black women that are dynamic and famous and there to inspire are also required to be exceptional, and sometimes I just get tired of being strong. That’s my biggest thing: I don’t want to have to be strong. I would like to just have an experience that’s pleasant. But the difference comes down to race. Race matters and makes a difference in your experiences and the way people treat you, respect you, and regard you — and the way people protect you. Malcolm X said the least protected person in America is the Black woman. That quote resonates big time in my life right now.”

But while she may still be reeling from that breakup, don't expect Long to shed any tears over the end of her 13-year relationship. “I don’t cry as much as I used to,” she confessed. “I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but I do check in with myself and let people know how I feel, for better or worse. ’Cause I’m not holding on to nonsense, and I’m also not passive-aggressive. I say it and sometimes it’s received, sometimes it’s not, but in any case, it’s my truth.”