How to Show Someone You Don't Care

Co-authored by Gera Anderson, PsyD

Last Updated: June 6, 2022 Approved

What's worse than getting rejected by a crush? When that crush starts playing cruel games with you after! Don't let a former crush hurt you by teasing you for the way you feel. Instead, turn the situation around — make your crush jealous by showing this person that you're above their games and can do just fine on your own.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Faking It While You're Still Hurting

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1
Take a little time to "let it all out." Right after you get rejected, it can be tough to get a handle on your emotions. If your crush teases you during this time, you may not be able to control your reaction well. Do whatever you need to do (in private) to get over the fact that you were rejected. Cry, kick, scream — get it all out of your system.^{[1]
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- If your crush has really gotten to you, don't be afraid to talk to your friends or family about how you feel.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Julia Yacoob, PhD
  Clinical Psychologist
  
  Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.} Your most trusted relations can comfort you and offer helpful advice during this time.
2
Avoid your crush when you can. When your former crush wants to get a flustered reaction out of you, staying away will deny him or her the satisfaction. Don't go where this person likes to hang out. Don't talk to this person unless you are forced to.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.} You should even avoid your crush's friends — it's impossible to tell whose side they have actually taken.^{[4]
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Research source}
- This advice extends to technology. Don't answer your crush's calls or texts. Delete your crush from your social networks (Facebook, Twitter, etc.).
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3
Keep your confidence when you do have to interact. Eventually, you may be forced to talk to this person (especially if you share a class or are paired together at work). Ignore him or her until you are spoken to first. When you do have to talk, try to act polite but disinterested. Speak in short, proper sentences (e.g., "Yes, that's good. No, it doesn't matter. OK. Sure.")
- If your crush teases you, shut him or her down immediately with silence and an icy-cold stare. S/he is trying to get a reaction out of you, so don't allow yourself to become upset or angry.
4
Keep yourself busy. Don't let yourself wallow in thoughts of what could have been if your crush hadn't ended up being a jerk. Instead, show that you don't care about this person by moving on with your life! Devote yourself to your work or school work. Start a new exercise routine. Take up a new hobby. Try to master an old one. Do something that can heal you.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.} Anything you can do to stay busy will help keep your mind off of your former crush's negativity.^{[6]
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Research source}
- Remember: dwelling in the past will only hold you back. If you let yourself do this, you may eventually end up picking up your phone, checking out old pictures, and even getting the urge to text this person. Stay strong — don't go back to a person who's been hurting you.
5
Resist the urge to get revenge. When someone's been mean to you, it's only natural to want to get even. Unfortunately, if you're trying to prove that you don't care about someone, this is one of the worst things you can do. Lashing out with an angry outburst or plotting an ice-cold revenge scheme may make you feel good in the short term, but they won't help you get over this person in the long term. For this, happily ignoring the person who hurt you is almost always the best revenge.^{[7]
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- Also, it's wise to remember the old saying, "Don't argue with idiots. From a distance, people can't tell who's who." Trying to get back at an old flame can make you look petty or childish to others. The best course of action? Don't even run this risk.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Getting Over Your Former Crush

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1
Focus on your own value. Once you start to get over the initial pain of rejection, it's time to start moving on. However, you can't do this if you don't believe you're worth it! Start to reaffirm yourself mentally. You can use whatever positive thoughts you want, but the following three work well: You are beautiful/handsome (whichever you prefer).^{[8]
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Research source} You are intelligent. Your crush is foolish for not accepting you.
- Never feel like you're weak or helpless without this person. Admire your independence. Putting your former crush on a pedestal diminishes yourself.
2
Let go of shame. Asking someone out and getting a "no" is bad enough, but when your crush is actually rude back to you, the embarrassment can be almost unbearable. The shame you may feel will gradually start to fade — this will go faster for some people than for others. Don't continue to focus on your negative feelings from the past, replaying them over and over again in your head. Instead, let them go and pursue new, positive emotions instead.^{[9]
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- Remember that you can never change the past. This means that it's illogical to worry about it. Why worry about what you can't change?
Healthy, mature people don't make fun of the people who have crushes on them after they confess the way they feel. They don't tease them afterward. If your crush did this to you, there is one silver lining: you now know that your crush is an immature, insecure person. It should feel good to know that the person you've been worrying about is definitely at fault.
4
Don't let your crush back into your life. Over time, you should start to feel better. You should gradually start letting go of the shame and embarrassment from your experience and start focusing more on your own value. However, if your old crush works his or her way back into your life, this person can throw you off the path to recovery. If you can help it, you don't want to talk to him or her before you're 100% better.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Gera Anderson, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 18 October 2021.} If s/he tries to get back into your good graces, don't be afraid to ask for some space.
- If your former crush won't get the message, be direct. It's OK to say, "I don't want to talk to you for a while. Leave me alone."
5
Start to view your crush as unimportant. Your end goal is for the person who once caused you so much embarrassment and anxiety to become basically unimportant to you. This will take lots of time and patience, but if you follow the instructions above, you should gradually show signs of improvement. Eventually, you will probably find it funny that you once cared so much about this person.
- When you're ready to leave your former crush behind for good, start looking for someone who respects you and cares for you, rather than someone who will belittle you for the way you feel. Remember: happiness is the best revenge.

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What is the fastest way to recover from a break-up?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Reducing the amount of association with that person is the best possible way. Try not to have any contact with that person, including social media. Focus on rebuilding your life.

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How can I live with a person I do not like?

Julia Yacoob, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Julia Yacoob is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist practicing in New York City. She specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults coping with a variety of symptoms and life stressors. Dr. Yacoob earned an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University, and pursued specialized training at Weill Cornell Medical College, New York Presbyterian Hospital, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the Institute for Behavior Therapy, and Bellevue Hospital Cancer Center. Dr. Yacoob is a member of the American Psychological Association, Women’s Mental Health Consortium, NYC Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Association, and Association for Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies.

Julia Yacoob, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try to make things easier by having a conversation with the other person. Let them know your needs and try to find a solution. It may help to make life less hard for both of you.

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Question

How do you show someone you don't want them?

Gera Anderson, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Gera Anderson is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with more than five years of experience. She specializes in integrated behavioral health, neuropsychological assessment, and pain management, and has worked in community mental health settings, correctional facilities, psychiatric hospitals, and schools. Dr. Anderson received an MEd from The University of Minnesota, Twin Cities and a PsyD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University.

Gera Anderson, PsyD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Get rid of all forms of communication with the other person. If they try to turn to you for support and encouragement, do not allow it. This might seem cold, but it's the only way to make yourself clear. Do your best not to inquire about their well-being or affairs with mutual friends, so you don't give them hope.

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Tips

If you're trying to show that you don't care about someone, it's best to simply avoid and ignore this person. Don't get into conversations and start nodding and smiling along idly — the best way not to care is not to get into the conversation in the first place.

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Another good way to show you don't care about someone is to make an effort to visibly care about lots of other things besides this person. For example, after a conversation, you might let this person catch you and your friends leaving for a party together — without him or her.

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