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| An American family enjoys a fun Thanksgiving dinner while observing proper table manners at their home in Colorado. / Courtesy of Molly Manners |
By Sherlyn Kim
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1. Put your napkin in your lap
When you sit, put your napkin on your lap. If it is a large napkin, you may fold it with the fold toward your body. The napkin cannot be used as a hat or as a bib. Always keep in mind that you do not open your napkin by shaking it. Open it discreetly under the table. It can only be used as a bib for children up to three years old. The napkin is used to dab our mouths.
We should resist the urge to lick our fingers and should instead use our napkin to wipe our fingers under the table. Your napkin also helps protect your lap from any spills. The napkin is not intended as a handkerchief for blowing your nose. We would not want to wipe or dab our mouths or fingers on a napkin on which we have blown our nose.
2. Using spoon and fork
Teaching children the proper way to set the table is a perfect start for introducing the use of utensils, plates and glasses. Explain where each utensil is placed, what it is for, when it is used and the correct way to hold it. Young children love being given a responsibility and will happily and proudly set the table each evening.
When using the spoon, hold it in your right hand like the fork. When eating cereals or dessert, which children usually love to do, he or she may be allowed to dip the bowl of the spoon toward him or her and eat from the end. But when eating soup, the child must dip his spoon away from him or her, turning the outer rim of the bowl down while doing so.
A child must be taught to hold a fork, no longer gripped baby-fashion in his fist, but much as a pencil is held in writing. Only the fingers are placed nearer the "top," the thumb and the two fingers are closed around the handle two-thirds of the way up the shank, and the food is raised shovel-wise on the turned-up prongs.
3. Saying ‘please' and ‘thank you'
No monkey arms on the table! What does this mean? Politely ask that the child pass the item to you if it is in front of that person. And no intercepting a pass! As in football, the same applies at the table. No snagging a roll out of a basket or taking a shake of the salt when it is being passed to someone else.
Always compliment the cook on something you liked and keep any negative comments about the food to yourself. Ask to be excused, clear your place and thank the cook for your meal. It is polite to ask to leave the table: "May I be excused, please?" take your plate to the sink or counter (or whatever the procedure is in your home) and say, "Thank you, mom or dad for a dinner." This shows appreciation and kindness for whoever took the time to prepare the meal.
4. Handling food that they do not like
When food that you or your children do not like or cannot eat is served, rather than make an issue and offend the hostess, take a small portion. Place the portion on the plate, dabble with it and eat a small amount (or none at all). To compensate, take more of the other food. If you have a severe allergy, say, "No, thank you" and after the meal, quietly explain your situation to the hostess. At a buffet, take only food that you like.
5. Dealing with a spill or mess
When a guest spills food at a formal affair, a butler takes the appropriate action. But at an informal meal like a family dinner, the diner quietly and quickly lifts the food with a utensil and places it on the side of his plate. However, if food is spilled on a guest, the diner apologizes and offers to pay for cleanup.
Preparing children for adulthood starts the moment the baby is placed in the mother's arms. Teaching children good table manners is a wonderful gift that will serve them well throughout their lives. Parents will be proud that their children are using good manners. More importantly, children will be polished and refined and capable of being comfortable in any situation.
Sherlyn Kim is a certified international etiquette consultant and trainer and CEO of Molly Manners Korea (http://www.mollymanners.co.kr), a leading manners and etiquette institute that helps children build the necessary blocks for a solid future through poise, confidence, integrity and leadership. She has a thriving practice helping executives and business people advance in their careers, clarify their strategies and goals and increase the value of their organizations. For more information, contact her at sherlyn@mollymanners.com.
