Who among us doesn't have a deep and undying love of cold beverages?
As an iced coffee stan, a huge fan of drinks "on the rocks," and a girl who may or may not have romantic feelings for ice water, I felt it was my duty as a writer to show some love to the little cubes that make it all possible. Behold: A comprehensive ranking of ice cubes.
Though you may not currently harbor strong preferences toward one ice type over another, you will by the end of this article.
Join us as we examine 14 types of ice cubes, ranging in shape, size, and crunchability.
14. Those deadly ice cubes from Agent Cody Banks
Though it might be hard to believe, not everyone is a fan of ice. While some ice haters would rather drink a room-temperature beverage than reckon with the potential bacteria present in frozen water, I'm sure others are still scarred by the deadly cubes featured in the 2003 film Agent Cody Banks, starring Frankie Muniz and Hilary Duff.
A quick recap: The villains of the film planned to take over the world using destructive nanobots stored in ice cubes for temperature regulation purposes. Once the ice melted, the nanobots would be released and free to destroy anything in their paths. Essentially, if you eat the ice cubes, you ded.
Forever the worst ice cubes.
13. Reusable ice cubes
Reusable ice cubes rank only slightly higher than than fictional, deadly nanobot ice cubes. There are a number of reusable cubes made from silicone or stainless steel out there, and though they're innovative, save a water, and can chill drinks without diluting them, they make me VERY uneasy. Who wants a chunk of plastic floating in her drink?
12. Bagged ice
Often found in a gas station freezer or in the frozen aisle of a grocery store, this stuff is essentially one giant hunk of stuck-together ice cubes.
To loosen it, you'll often see an uncle at a cookout slamming the bag against a concrete driveway, resulting in a bunch of loose, misshapen ice mounds. Though it's perfect for keeping beverages cold in coolers, every once in a while some pour soul will grab a handful and add it to his solo cup.
Do. Not. Use. Bagged. Ice. As. Ice. Cubes. It. Is. Bad.
11. Crushed ice
Crushed ice is fun when you're a child, and you get to dispense it yourself from a fancy refrigerator. Once the novelty wears off, it's simply a disappointment.
You need a fairly decent amount of crushed ice to chill a drink, and everyone knows that the tiny ice slivers wind up joining forces into one massive clump that launches into your face when you're taking a sip. No need to crush a perfectly good thing.
10. Long ice cubes meant for water bottles
While these elongated cubes (ice rods?) are convenient in certain scenarios, most of the time they're just irrelevant. On behalf of water bottle users everywhere, I'm grateful that they exist, but you'd never see an ice connoisseur popping one of these babies into a regular drink. It's just not right.
9. Square cubes
Honestly, sugar cube-looking ice is just too perfect. It's intimidating, really.
8. Giant ice cubes
One giant square cube, however, is slightly more acceptable. Artisanal cubes, or "hipster" ice, are great for a glass of whiskey or a cocktail.
While fancy drink people might claim there are benefits to a huge cube — like slower drink dilution (though this is doubtful) and possible taste enhancement — they're still extra AF, challenging to make, and might raise the price of your drink, which is absurd.
7. Crescent ice
Ice cubes shaped like crescents are fine, but that's it: They're just fine. The rounded side supposedly stops splashing, but I really don't care that much about that.
6. Cylindrical ice
Circle ice, gourmet ice, bullet ice, or whatever you call it — these frozen cylinders with holes through the center have mixed reviews. Pros: Good for crunching; You can stab a straw through the hole if you're bored. Cons: Not everyone likes tunnels in their ice cubes.
5. Fun ice shapes
Novelty ice cube molds are quirky, and allow us to make ice that reflects our interests. From pop culture-inspired molds (like this one for Doctor Who) to shape molds, (like hearts, diamond rings, and even dachshunds) the possibilities are endless. Super cute, but also ~sometimes~ a bit much.
4. Shaved ice
Snow cones are nice, Italian ices are delish, and Icees are FANTASTIC. Tiny ice is good.
3. Half cubes
Half cubes are great treats often used in restaurant beverages. In case you're unfamiliar, they're half the size of classic ice cubes, are remarkably smooth, and look a bit like clear pats of butter. Great for crunching and for jiggling around in a glass. A real joy!
2. Classic cubes
Show some respect for the classic ice cube, please. They're perfectly sized, always get the job done, and look great in a glass. Thanks for everything, classic cubes.
1. Ice nuggets
Nuggets, or "Sonic Ice" as they're sometimes called, have been declared a favorite by The Wall Street Journal, and so many others. The nuggets are somewhat dry, are great for blending, and are perhaps the BEST ice for munching. Not to mention, they're a hit with fast food restaurants.
Stay cool, people.
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