Why You Can Never Unlove Somebody
When you have truly loved someone, when you have given your whole heart and dedicated your soul and your entire life to them, you lose a part of yourself — something that can’t be recovered, like a coin tossed into the wishing fountain, or like a bird let out of its cage and never turned back. Yes, even the best part of our self can betray us.
During a breakup, you may try to recollect yourself, all those broken pieces and all those memories, happy and sad. But no matter how hard or how thorough you try, there’ll be things that you can’t reclaim, like that portion of your memory space which has been dedicated to them and the times you had spent together. When you walk a certain street, smell a certain fragrance, when you listen to a particular song or watch a particular show, past memories etched into your subconscious mind might just surface again and come rushing back to you.
Some ask me, “Why do I still think about my ex or even dream of them after such a long while?”
Why do we still remember hurtful things, harbour negative feelings or get reminded of the past mistakes we’ve made? Well, because the human brain learns. We learn so that we can avoid making the same mistakes. As much as we can’t right old wrongs, we can prevent them from happening again and causing ourselves the same pain.
Of course, different people deal with things differently. Some of us get back into toxic relationships even when we know how things are gonna end because we crave the drama and the turbulence. Or perhaps, it has become habitual — the unconscious effort to strive for self-sabotage and self-destruction.
Though, you don’t have to feel bad or guilty for thinking back. You’re not alone. We all think about our past.
I still think about my ex-s and ex-friends from time to time and wonder how they are doing right now. Sometimes I would go on social media and ‘stalk’ them a little, until my curiosity is satisfied.
Yes, we are very curious animals, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with our innate desire to want to know.
Once you have truly given your whole heart and soul to a person, you leave a piece of yourself with them, and even after months and years of non communication, and you would still wonder how that piece of you is doing. I think the same goes for the other person. They too would wonder how that piece of them is doing with you, whether for nostalgia’s sake or something else.
When I say you can’t unlove somebody, I don’t mean that you will never be able to cast away your feelings for that person, or that you would be inevitably stuck in the past.
What I mean is, you will have this scar — this tiny space cut into you that’s reserved for that somebody who used to play a big part in your life. For better or for worse, the scar will stay with you forever.
The good news is, this scar is gonna fade with time — from a ugly, throbbing gash to an unnoticeable pale streak. Hopefully then, for most days, you don’t even think of it anymore. Because it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.
Yes, time will heal all things. Give yourself some patience, don’t give up just yet, and I promise you, everything’s gonna be better.
