One time I wrote “I am worth the effort” over 50 times in my journal.
This was during a time that I was not feeling effort happening around me, with me, or for me. It was a time that continues to find me and it makes me wonder about effort in the first place. What is effort? What’s the relationship between effort and worth? Why did I feel the need to engrain into my brain that I am, indeed, worth the effort of others? Are people worth my effort? If so, how do I decide that and if not, why not?
According to the Oxford English dictionary — the definition of “effort” is:
a vigorous or determined attempt.
A “vigorous” or “determined” attempt — ATTEMPT. I was curious about this too. I low key feel like this blog is going to be a blog dedicated to breaking up words and their meanings because I am fascinated by language but I guess we’ll just have to see.
ANYWAY — a “vigorous” or “determined” attempt at something. When I write “I am worth the effort” 50 times, I am asking for there to be an attempt. Not just any attempt but a “vigorous” or “determined” attempt! Not a flat attempt, but something that is clear, deliberate, and consistent, perhaps. I don’t know. I’m thinking (and writing) out loud but quietly because I am typing. But an attempt is literally trying. When you attempt, you try. Simply.
The fact that I had to write that I am worth the effort 50 times means that there was a part of me that perhaps did not believe a) that I am indeed worth the effort or b) that the people in my life were putting forth the effort. Either in our relationship or something else that I felt there was negligence. When I think of effort, I think of intention. When I put effort into something, or someone, I think of my intention of deciding to put forth that effort. Effort requires action. Effort requires some sort of desire that one decides is worth pursuing. This could be effort into school, effort into a relationship, effort into a friendship, effort into finding a job…etc. But, whatever the case may be, effort is required. To feel as though effort is not happening is to feel that there is minimal care. Personally, I will not put forth effort into something that I don’t care about. Effort can be hard. Effort could mean investing a lot of time and energy into something and if you don’t truly want that *thing* then what’s the effort for?
Effort can be draining, especially when you find the effort you put into something didn’t turn out to be what you initially expected. Effort asks for us to prioritize. Will I put effort into x because I want y? What does that effort look like? Does it look like we compromise on something because we know that it will benefit us in the end? So many questions! But, let me answer my own, initial questions, above.
What’s the relationship between effort and worth?
— In my personal opinion, effort is essential to show worth to something. When I write “I am worth the effort” I am stating that effort that happens for me is worth it because I am worth it, and I 100% believe that. To be fair, I feel we all deserve effort but considering I only know myself the best, I use myself as an example. If there is no effort, I feel that my worth is not being seen. If there is effort and I can acknowledge it and notice it, then my worth is seen.
Why did I feel the need to engrain into my brain that I am, indeed, worth the effort of others?
— Because, external validation is all too much of a *thing* isn’t it? Some days we can go on life knowing that we are worthy of so many things. Being loved, being desired, being cared for, being thought about…etc. In our society today, there is too much telling us what we should be like. What we should look like. What we should do. What we should not do. Who is worth effort. Who is not. There is very minimal space for critical thinking in a society, and a time, of unsolicited everything. It is as if my obvious worthiness becomes deflated when being bombarded with something that is *not* me and suddenly that worthiness starts to diminish. I, and all of us, are worthy of everything we desire because we desire it! But, it shouldn’t have to be something that we seek out but something that comes naturally and in flow. I want effort to come from a place of love and natural grace, not a place of obligation or fear.
Are people worth my effort?
— Yes. People are worth my effort. All people are worth effort. All of ‘em.
If so, how do I decide that and if not, why not?
— I decide that based off of reciprocity and care. I do not put effort into anything that I feel will negatively impact me or is based off of the expectations of others.
I didn’t mean to interview myself, but maybe this will make sense to someone.
Maybe someone is wondering if they should put effort into something.
Maybe someone is wondering if the effort or lack of effort happening in their lives is something to take into consideration.
TL;DR
— You are worth every effort. Effort shows us what is meant for us. Effort is beautiful, all types of effort, all levels of effort. If you have to write down that you are worth the effort 50 times, so be it. If you know your worth and there is flat effort happening in your life, then take the high ground and notice that.
You are worth it. Every effort.
All of us.