Height reduction surgery is a thing. I know this because I’ve researched it more times than I’m willing to admit. It’s something I would’ve considered having in the future if the procedure wasn’t hella dangerous. And why? Because I hated my 6-feet-tallness and couldn’t think of anything else to do about it. I often say that a fat person can diet and exercise to lose weight, a skinny person can eat more to gain weight, a short person can wear heels to appear taller, but what can a tall person do? Absolutely nothing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just felt stuck in my body. This body that calls so much unwanted attention. And you just cannot understand the struggle of being tall while trying to be a girl if you’ve never walked a day in my shoes

1. My shoes

I used to look for shoes with little to no platform, just because I wanted no height added to me.. at all. The reality is I tower over people when I’m standing. I don’t care as much about it now as I did then. Every now and again, I will even buy a pair of heels. I’m a girl, and heels are cute to me. However, after wearing them and experiencing the discomfort that the shoes and the witnesses bring, I often vow to never wear them again. I’ve been through this cycle a lot but I can never really get comfortable wearing heels. I just feel so self-conscious about being one of the tallest, if not the tallest in the room. People will tell me I’m too tall to wear heels. Uhhh.. why? It’s frustrating when heels are just what I need to complement an outfit and I can’t wear them because I know how I will end up feeling in the end. I always end up taking them off after a few seconds because I hate attention, and that this body already draws so much – even without heels – irks me.

2. Insensitive people

I’ve been called “too tall,” “wow you make me feel really short,” “why are you so tall?” and my [least] favorite one, “big.” How people don’t realize that this is a body I did not choose is beyond me. But what you need to realize is that I – a girl who has lived in my body for 20 years – do not need to be constantly reminded about what I know I am. Yes, I’m tall. Why? God made me so. Like what kind of question is that?

3. I get asked what sports I play even though I don’t play sports. 

I get asked everyday what sports I play, or told that I need to play sports if I say I don’t. A man saw me randomly today and asked me what sport I play. I asked him why he assumed I played sports. He said because of my body. I laughed. He repeated the question, saying I must do something -“netball, running, swimming….?” I laughed and walked away. Am I missing something? Do we assume things about people because of their bodies now? I became so angry, anxious, insecure, everything. Because I’m already so conscious of my height, and I know for a fact that playing sports is not a requirement for being tall as much as playing mini-golf is not a requirement for being short. I am not athletic and the pressure I feel when people tell me I LOOK like I “should play sports” is not at all pleasant.

4. Shopping for clothing is a pain

Basically, every pair of jeans I own stops way above my ankles if I didn’t buy them on the Old Navy online tall store. Trying on dresses at clothing stores is like experiencing slap after slap in the face because they’re always too short, though cute. I wear dresses as tops with leggings. I also own many crop tops that were not meant to be that way.

5. Everything is a pain.

My legs hurt. And so does my heart. Because people won’t stop trying me.

6. Men, Marriage and Fear

Well, one of my biggest fears while growing up tall was not being able to find a partner because of being too tall. I actually used to follow the tallest teenager in the world (Marvadene Anderson, who was also born in Jamaica) closely and some other random tall girls and found that other tall girls had the same fear. I just remember thinking finally, someone who understands. I obsess over height when I look at couples, and every time I see a couple where the girl is taller than the guy, I gain a little more hope. Let’s face it, most men [in my experience] prefer shorter women. I’ve actually met guys who like tall girls or some who don’t care but majority rules for generalization. It’s also the social norm for the guy to be taller. I always convinced myself that I like taller guys until last summer, when one of my friends made me realize that that’s not necessarily true. Most guys I’ve mentioned interest in have not been taller. Because I care more about who you are. But everyone assumes I want a taller guy, which led me to assume I do too lol. I still might not get married (Hello @God?) but I wouldn’t call it a fear.

Tbh, none of the things I listed are necessarily fears anymore. They’re just realities I’ve come to grasp. Sometimes I haven’t even grown in height, but people make me feel like I have. Each time I come home for holidays, people say I look like I’ve gotten taller, even when I haven’t. I know a lot of times people mean well, so I try not to be too upset. But, I wish people would be kinder with their words and just a little bit more aware of how they are affecting others. It’s a struggle to walk outside daily, to think about being in crowds where I know my height will call attention. Where I know I might block the way and be called all the things that prick my anxiety nerves. And in that regard, I’m still growing. I’ve come a LONG way from where I used to be, and I still have WAYS to go. I may have stopped growing in height, but I’ll continue to grow to love my height, to love myself for who I was created to be. And yes, I might be stuck in this body, but who says it’s a problem? They might send me to the back for pictures, but so? Maybe the reason I can’t do anything to temporarily alter it like short people can, is because it’s perfect as it is. 🙂