The 7 reasons people talk over the top of others
Anneli Blundell CSP (She/Her)
Speaker | Author | Influence expert - Interpersonal Intelligence, Communication, Women in Leadership
Rant alert! I hate fighting for airtime in conversations. (Who’s with me??) It’s exhausting when people insist on cutting you off mid-sentence, talking over the top of you and generally dominating the airtime.
A good conversation is like a game of tennis. You take turns. The pace might speed up or slow down but you still take turns. Your partner on the court doesn't serve seven tennis balls in a row and expect you to keep them all in play. They don't return your serve and then serve another ball when the previous ball is still in play. It’s one ball, one at a time, back and forth. Just like a good conversation.
As someone obsessed with investigating, understanding and learning about good communication, I have many theories for why people don't make room for equal airtime. Here are some of them.
7 reasons why people cut others off during a conversation:
- It’s what they learned in childhood
- It’s a cultural thing (family, relationships, geography)
- It’s a narcissistic thing
- It’s an insecurity thing
- It’s an excitement thing
- It’s a power play
- It’s a lack of awareness
Now it’s only fair to confess at this point, that as much as I hate it in others, I of course have been known to talk over the top of people as well. (Gasp! I know, I know. No-one’s perfect, right?) What I do pride myself on though is realising when I’m doing it and noticing the impact it’s having on the other person. Sometimes it’s part of the fun and excitement, sometimes they don't notice or don't care and sometimes it’s just obnoxious and annoying. So noticing the response in others is very important. If it’s not welcome, then I apologise for cutting them off and invite them to finish… and then SHUT UP while they finish.
But what if it’s someone else doing the cutting off? How do you handle this? Well, that depends on how important the person is to you or how important it is for you to be heard. If they are not important, let it go and move on with your life, however, if both these things are important then it’s helpful to bring this behaviour to their attention and let them know how you’re being impacted.
Celeste can we just stop for a second? I’ve noticed that I haven’t been able to finish my last three sentences. I’m feeling very frustrated right now. Can I please just take a moment to finish what I want to tell you?
The response you get to this example will vary of course depending on whom you’re talking to. But regardless of how you might need to tweak the expression, the intention to share your feelings is an honest and authentic way to start a real dialogue.
So to recap. Conversation back and forth is good. Conversation one way is bad. If it’s your fault stop it. If it’s someone else’s fault ask them to stop it. Right. Rant over. Carry on.
Warm regards,
Anneli
Anneli Blundell is an author, speaker, and communication expert (a.k.a. People Whisperer ) who helps leaders and teams improve their communication, influence, and engagement.
She has been providing executive coaching, keynote speaking and leadership training, as well as facilitating team workshops and team offsites, for over a decade.
She is obsessed with decoding people dynamics for improved performance and specialises in interpersonal intelligence - the ability to understand and navigate the people dynamics in a given situation.
Contact Anneli's office to find out how to work with Anneli today!
www.anneliblundell.com @AnneliBlundell info@anneliblundell.com
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3moFantastic Anneli - only just discovered this little gem of yours - love the cheeky way you put things and your presence
Information Technology and Services Professional
2yMy daughter (35 years old) tends to randomly call me up and rant about other family members, saying things about them that I know are not true, really adding more on it than what really is bc she is upset with them at the time, talking over me and not letting me speak a word in edgewise, and if I disagree with her, she tells me she’s tired of me always sticking up for them, hanging up on me and telling me she’s done with me! This is so upsetting to my day to say the least and when I tell her to stop, she tells me to leave her alone and that I’m always doing this to her! I’m just dumbfounded about this behavior, but suspecting it may be a power struggle or control issue IDK? She seems to get angry with anybody who does not do what she says, I don’t know what to think of that she’s way too old for this behavior?
Pitmaster & Hospitality Professional in Nashville, Tennessee
2yAlways wondered why this was a thing!
Project Designer at Devcon Construction
2ySometimes, its simply an effort to save time. Some people ramble on, stating the obvious, just to hear themselves speak.
Aspiring technology leader|Learning Technologist|Election Worker|Budding Podcaster at #TechnicallySociallyAware
2ySome do it to avoid hearing something that they don’t like.