Life is a Balance of Holding On and Letting Go

Throughout our lives we are faced with decisions - big and small - about when to hold onto something or someone and when to let go. These choice points can range from numbingly painful to pretty easy. Conscious choice about whether to hold on or whether to let go requires an energetic shift from one pattern of being to another and requires more of us than may be obvious on the surface.

Holding on and letting go is actually about creating a transition. Transition is the process of going from the place that you have been to the place that you are going (even if you don’t know where that destination is). Most of us would prefer a straight shot from one place to the other but invariably there is the dreaded MIDDLE. The MIDDLE is where all of the real action takes place and where your transformation happens.

The first decision is - Do I hold onto what I have or am I ready to let it go? Often the universe decides for you – you lose a job, someone passes away, your partner walks out. In those cases your situation is immediately torn from you on a physical level. Energetically, you are still very much holding on. There are other times where you actually make a choice to let go of a situation or person. The fallacy is that is harder when life happens to you but in reality it is often harder to make the choice yourself.

This is a simple example of a recent decision I made about what to hold onto and what to let go of. I don’t mean to minimize some of the really big decisions that you have faced but this example illustrates the process.

I decided that I would fully own that I am a colorful person. Over the years my closet became more and more filled with black clothing. It was practical, made me feel like a serious business woman, and was easy to wear without thinking about it. I decided that the color black did not accurately represent my spirit so I was on a mission to rid my closet of all non-colorful clothing.

Often when I decide it is time for a change, I just want to clear it out of my life. I removed clothing that was not part of my plan from my closet.  As I looked at everything I had loaded onto the rack, I found I wasn’t ready to get rid of all of it. My mind chatter started – “I spent a lot of money on that. This is a great dress. Wouldn’t it be practical to keep a few things? Who can I give this to that might like it?” And there I sat in indecision for several weeks. What seemed so clear to me had turned into a process.

Although my mind had made its decision, my emotional system was lagging weeks behind. I realized that I wanted to hold onto everything until I knew if this was really what I wanted to do. I pondered, changed my mind, changed it again, chatted with a few of my friends about it, and finally was ready to let go of most of it. I held on to a few key pieces and let go of the rest.

This process of transition (big and small) is one we each go through many times in our lives. To navigate this process well, means taking apart what was and putting together what will be. It is not simply holding on or letting go – it is about changing who you are as you do it.