Monday Myth #13: “I endorse what I tolerate.”
Mental Health is an important aspect of our daily lives. However, it also one of the most fragile systems. Practicing as a mental health professional attracts many eyes on you. People constantly look up to you. Your advice is taken as rock-solid, pearls of wisdom. Even though a good mental health profession doesn’t advise but rather help the client explore, the therapist-client relationship is a sensitive one.
Positive regard (preferably ‘unconditional’) is an important quality to portray towards anyone that comes to our door. It simply means treating the client with love, acceptance and free of judgement. This helps provide a safe-space for them. Positive Regard also entails tolerance. It is an obvious possibility that a client’s outlook or opinion on something particular may not coincide with your own. People’s value systems differ as well. Universally, of course certain actions or opinions are innately harmful. But that’s where the real test of the profession lies. Can we judge you? If I am tolerant towards a client’s actions or beliefs, does that mean I support, or promote it? Here’s our two cents.
People from different backgrounds, having varied experiences seek out mental health support. As a mental health practitioner, we have to be mindful about the client’s subjective reality. Instead of judging the person’s so-called flaw, we explore the reasons that could have led to this. Helping the client navigate the ‘why’ of the ‘what’ is important. It is not my place to tell them something is wrong, but it is indeed my place to help them identify the rights and wrongs for themselves. This also encompasses certain unhealthy behaviors or thoughts. For example, a client who appears ‘lazy’ to others may come to seek out therapy. He/she is perhaps unemployed, hailing from a wealthy family, and may not have any goals for the future. They may have approached a therapist because they feel ‘depressive’, which in turn made them feel even more inactive in their daily life. As a therapist, one would have to consider the various aspects if this client’s life and accept it. We wouldn’t call them ‘lazy’ and ask them to go ‘get a life’, but rather work methodically alongside them to figure out what’s best for them. This does not mean we promote ‘unproductivity’, right? It means we understand where its coming from, and are tolerant of it.
Moreover, each client has a different level of intellectual capacity. As a therapist, one must understand and consider that while dealing with the same. Our expectations of behavior or thoughts of a client are modified as per their capacity. That is also how we would construct our conversations with them. The goal is not to meet halfway, but to understand the client’s capacity (intellectual and otherwise), and engage accordingly. You cannot talk about world peace with someone who has never heard of ‘peace’. It takes extensive understanding of the opposite person’s level, in order for productive therapy to take place. Again, this requires tolerance. But it doesn’t equate to promoting the same.
Mental Health practice is not easy. We operate with grey, in a world of black and white.
What I personally believe and stand for, has no place with my client. They are a whole person themselves. To tolerate and respect that, is acceptance, not promotion. Thus, I do not endorse what I tolerate. I simply, understand.
By: Alancia Menezes
Insights: Dr. Wilona Annunciation & Ms. Saraswathi A.