All of us in the Catholic Church in the 21st century have heard much about the modern vocations crisis, especially here in the United States. From an increasing number of “close your parish programs” in dioceses, to Holy Hours offered for vocations, we need more young men and women who are willing to answer the Lord’s call to “put out into the deep” (Luke 5:4) and give their entire lives to Christ in an offering of self-sacrificial love. Yet underneath this crisis of vocations to the priesthood and religious life lies another crisis of vocations that is often overlooked in the life of the Church today: a crisis of fewer and fewer young people who are willing to enter into the sacrament of Matrimony.

Two recent studies in the past several months reveal the close connection between these two crises. First, in April, the USCCB released its annual findings about the background of men being ordained to the priesthood in 2023. One of this survey’s key findings was the large percentage of ordinands (92%) who came from what have traditionally been called “intact” households — ones in which the parents are married. Now only a few months later, a new study from the Thriving Center of Psychology reveals that fewer and fewer of the upcoming generations are even considering marriage, the source of so many religious vocations.

The study, entitled “I Do Not: Gen Z, Millennials, Shifting Expectations About Marriage in 2023” reveals that a full 40% of Gen Z and Millennial respondents think marriage is an “outdated tradition.” More alarming, 85% do not think marriage is necessary to have a fulfilled and committed relationship. This most recent study adds weight to the trend that the Church has been seeing in a declining number of weddings, with some estimates citing a 69% decrease in Catholic nuptials in the past 50 years.

What, though, could be behind this sudden abandonment of the institution of marriage? The same Thriving Center of Psychology study gives some insight. Among young people who say they never want to get married (which was 1 out of 6 of the respondents) a full 72% of those said it was because they “just aren’t interested in getting married.” Many young people do not want to get married because they cannot see any good that could justify the risks, and the work, required of marriage.

This severe lack of appreciation among young people for the good of the institution of marriage ought to worry us Catholics, and not just due to how it will affect future seminary numbers. Rather, we ought to worry about the next generation’s ability to find true human fulfillment. As the Second Vatican Council taught, “man … cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself” (GS 24). Because man is made in the image and likeness of God, and God himself is Love (1 John 4:8), man can only discover the fullness of his own identity through love.

The book of Genesis expresses this insight in a most poignant way when it describes the institution of marriage in the first place. After having created Adam, but before he created Eve, God says, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). As many people have pointed out, this is the first mention in the Bible of something being “not good.” Man was meant to love others in a selfless and self-sacrificial way, and he can only be who he was meant to be when he does so. This need to practice self-sacrificial love is why God invented marriage.

Now, this does not mean that self-sacrificial love can be expressed only through being married. We see a supernatural calling to this type of love in the priesthood and consecrated life, and those who are single can also practice such love. However, matrimony constitutes the regular way by which the vast majority of human beings are called to the adventure of loving other people (the spouse and any children God may give). As G.K. Chesterton wrote, “Marriage is a duel to the death which no man of honour should decline.” For most people, the sacrifices required of a permanent commitment to one person and the work involved in starting a household with that person are the richest forms of community they will experience in this life.

Moreover, from a supernatural perspective, the sacrament of Matrimony grants the married couple a new intimacy with Christ. Again, as Vatican II says, “For as God of old made himself present to his people through a covenant of love and fidelity, so now the Savior of men and the Spouse of the Church comes into the lives of married Christians through the sacrament of matrimony” (GS 48). Man’s desire for love is ultimately only fulfilled in union with God, but for most of mankind, a key part of that union is meant to be the deeper discovery of Christ through marriage. When our young people no longer see this blessing, when they no longer desire it, they are doomed to miss out on it.

So, what are we to do? Of course, better catechesis around marriage must be a part of the answer, but it will not be enough. In a materialistic, consumeristic culture, young people must once again be introduced to the adventure and beauty of self-sacrificial love in general. But how can we teach them this? For us adult Catholics, this is where we must keep in mind the words of Pope St. Paul VI: “Modern man listens more willingly to witnesses than to teachers, and if he does listen to teachers, it is because they are witnesses.” It is up to us who are now married to witness more fully to the beauty of lifelong commitment to another person and the rearing of children. If we don’t, the next generation will be so much the worse for it.