The Greatest Hank Hill Quotes Of All Time
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An Idiot Problem
Hank Hill:I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
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If He's White
Hank Hill: What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he's white?
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Propane And Propane Accessories
Hank Hill: Now you listen to me, mister. I work for a livin', and I mean real work, not writin' down gobbledegook! I provide the people of this community with propane and propane accessories. Oh, when I think of all my hard earned tax dollars goin' ta pay a bunch of little twig-boy bureaucrats like you, it just makes me wanna ... oh ... oh God ... it just ...
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I'll Tell Ya What!
Hank: (Hank realizes he's all alone and sighs. Then he sees Khan starting to build a fence.) Hey Khan. I thought I heard someone mixing concrete.
Khan: Oh, that's right. I'm building fence. Big fence. Eight feet tall between your house and my house.
Hank: Eight feet huh? Yeah, you see Khan, in this neighborhood, side fences have to be 5'6 or under. It's not in the code or anything, it's just something I'm trying to enforce.
Khan: You really want to help me, Hank Hill? You keep your dirty little boy's hands off my innocent genius daughter!
Hank: Now what's that supposed to mean?
Khan: Last night, I catch Bobby half-naked in Connie's room!
Hank: Bobby?!
Khan: The truth about your little boy not so pretty after all, is it, Hank Hill?! He girl-crazy sex-fiend!
Hank: Well, that boy's gonna get a talking to, I tell ya what!
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God Dang It, Bobby
Hank Hill: God dang it, Bobby!
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Should Do Right
Hank Hill: For God's sakes, Bobby, what nationality are you?
Bobby Hill: American.
Hank Hill: Then why are you holding your cigarette like some kind of European Nazi in a movie?
Bobby Hill: Why does it matter?
Hank Hill: That's not the right sort of attitude for you to have. Whatever you do, you should do right, even if it's something wrong.
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Making Rock And Roll Worse
Hank Hill: Can't you see you're not making Christianity better, you're just making rock and roll worse?
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One Degree Hotter
Hank Hill: How is cutting down on pollution a government plot, Dale?
Dale Gribble: Open up your eyes, man. They're trying to control global warming. Get it? GLO-BAL.
Hank Hill: So what?
Dale Gribble: That's code for U.N. commissars telling Americans what the temperature's going to be in their outdoors. I say let the world warm up, see what Boutros Boutros-Ghali-Ghali thinks about that! We'll grow oranges in Alaska.
Hank Hill: Dale, you giblet-head, we live in Texas. It's already 110° in the summer, and if it gets one degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your a**!
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Weren't My Son
Hank: Bobby, if you weren't my son I'd hug you.
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That Boy Ain't Right
Hank Hill: Whatcha listenin' to, son?
Bobby Hill: I don't think you'd like it.
Hank Hill: Well, why not? I like this new generation of music. [puts headphones on]
Old woman on tape: Hello?
[The tape erupts into sudden flatulence]
Hank Hill: [takes headphones off] Mother of God, it's all toilet sounds! Where did you record this?
Bobby Hill: I bought it at the mall! It's the Funny Phone Jerks!
Hank Hill: Let me tell you, Bobby, there's nothing "funny" about these sounds! What that person on your tape has is a medical disorder. Now you get ready for the game, OK?
Bobby Hill: Yes, sir.
Hank Hill: [leaving Bobby's room] That boy ain't right.
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Lawyer-Ball
Hank Hill: Bobby, you can't make an omelette without breakin' eggs, and you can't get on base without takin' a swing.
Bobby Hill: The pitcher could walk me, couldn't he?
Hank Hill: Don't play lawyer-ball, son.
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From Lawn Care
Hank: So you found yourself a project. Do you get the same, uh, high I get from lawn care?
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Back To Work
Hank Hill: Your heart is telling you?! Who's the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work!
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You Never Hear Them Complaining
Hank: Suffering is a part of every religion, Peggy. I mean ... look at what the Jews have been through, and you never hear them complaining.
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Strickland Propane
(Hank gives a toast at Patch's rehearsal dinner)
Hank Hill: Hank Hill, best man, Strickland Propane.
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Bwaaaaah!
Connie is trying to explain her problem to Hank
Connie: Well, um, you see, uhh...
Hank: What?
Connie writes something on paper and hands it to Hank
Hank: (Reading the note) 'Mr. Hill, I just got my first period.' Bwaaaaah!
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Project My Anger
Anthony Page: Mr. Hill, I feel that you're coming from an anger mindset, and if you're projecting this anger onto me, it gives me grave concerns as to how you facilitate your son's growth in private.
Hank Hill: Mister, I have not begun to project my anger onto you!
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Also For The Rat
Hank Hill: Dale's losing it at Mega Lo Mart, Nancy. We need some traps for the rat, and a tranquilizer gun for... uh... also for the rat.
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No Got-Dang Way
Hank: [seeing Bobby meditating like a sumo] No way. No got-dang way!
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When I'm Done Kicking It
[Bill has just been hit in the face with a hot Frito pie]
Bill Dauterive: My face hurts.
Hank Hill: And it'll match your a** when I'm done kicking it!
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It's In Our Hearts
(Hank has stated that he won't be able to continue teaching shop)
Hank: But that shouldn't stop you from pursuing your own dreams of wood, plywood, pressed fiberboard, and, if you've got the talent, metal! Y'see, shop doesn't have to happen in any special place - as long as it's well lit, and the outlets are grounded. Because shop is bigger than any classroom, or garage, or stupid policy that makes tools illegal - it's in our hearts.
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Six AM
Hank Hill: Six AM and already the boy ain't right...
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Grades Are Good Enough
Hank Hill: [As a child] When I grow up, I want to sell propane and propane accessories, if my grades are good enough!
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Kiss Your Butt Good-Bye
Hank Hill: (on his mower, talking to an ant hill) Put your head between your six legs and kiss your butt good-bye! (runs over the ant hill)
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What Really Matters
Hank Hill: You know Kahn, we may deny our kids completely different deserts, but they both go to bed hungry, and that's what really matters.
