The Potentate

Brief review of the first chapter!

The story's plot is centered around Victor's and his relationship with Hazel and Josephine. It's well-structured, with a clear beginning. It builds up the tension and the conflict between Victor and his sister, which creates a rather compelling narrative.

The characters in the story are well-developed and realistic. Victor is portrayed as a hardworking and determined person, who is focused on achieving his goals. He is cold and distant, which is understandable given his past with his family. Hazel is supportive and caring, and she provides a contrast to Victor's personality. Josephine is portrayed as an antagonist, and her arrival creates tension in the story.

The story is well-written, with vivid descriptions and well-crafted dialogue. The author does an excellent job of creating a sense of tension and conflict, which keeps the reader engaged throughout the story.

I have read up to Chapter 3, which is the latest chapter at the point of this review.

The prologue was gripping, with an emotional undertone of inferiority and desire to achieve more. It doesn't shy away from the gritty dark details, showing hints of a grim world ahead.

The following chapters then proceeds to slowly drive the tension up, with the reader knowing what's about to come (or at least I think so.)

Style:
The writing style is great, descriptions are on point and I never once felt stifled. I don't really know what else to write about this point, as it is really a good novel. Nothing else to it.

Story:
Great promising start, lots of potential to develop the characters introduced so far. The worldbuilding is also drip-fed through dialogue rather than an info-dump, which is good as well. It keeps the readers wondering and hoping for more.

The pacing is great, I love slow tension building novels rather than straight into the action kind of books. Really builds the emotional damage that will be inflicted in the future.

Grammar:
5/5, no errors I've spotted so far that detracts from the reading experience

Characters:
Their motivations, thought processes and habits are all clearly defined through their dialogue and how they view the world. The book is written in a 3rd person's view, so it is great to be able to see this.

Overall, I'm looking forward to how our MC hides or fights using her powers against those who suppress her. It may not be even the Leith at this point, it feels like the common folk alone might just do it for them.

The Potentate takes place in a world you might describe as a society that resembles France before the Revolution. There is some modern technology, but the social structure is feudal, with class differentiation based on magic. Those who have powers are the nobility and those who don't are trash. Truthfully, the society is so authoritarian it more resembles the Terror after the Revolution. It's not a North Korea-level authoritarian society...yet, but the author did her homework on studying how these control systems work.

We can start with some nitpicks. Some things are hard to follow because of all the different characters. Sometimes it feels like slight head hopping is in place though that might just be me. As others have pointed out, style, though by no meas bad, is the weakest part of this story. The pacing might also be a bit slow if you're the type that wants to jump straight into action. The first three chapters do just that but there is a slower build afterward.

The strong parts of the story are the world and the characters. As noted, the setting is done well and provides constant stakes that make the characters' lives hell. You see why and you feel for them.

And there are many moments where their miseries and hardships culminate in, as another reviewer said, "gut-punch" after "gut-punch." The impact of those moments is well-executed.

Overall "The Potentate" burns slow, but when it combusts, you see why, and it hits hard.

The Potentate is a very intriguing story with well developed characters and captivating backstories. The prologue sets up a very interesting government system and sibling relationship between Josephine and Victor is displayed really well. As we shift into the main story, the detailed descriptions of Morrmorr and Roro's personalities really make them come alive. Both Morrmorr's shift in charcter and her relationship with Roro are very interesting! Additionally, instead of initially telling the reader everything, this story keeps certain things a mystery, making me want to read more!! The Potentate is a super well written piece is one of my favorites stories on this site. Hope to learn more about Elizabeth!

Style: The writing style in Potentate is really descriptive and interesting. It really helps me visualize the people and the world they live in.

Story: The story is very well developed and it leaves mysteries to be revealed later!

Grammar: Grammar is almost impeccable, little to none grammatical errors.

Character: Great!!!! I love reading about all the different characters in this story and how each of them responds to certain situations. Provided backstories also gives me a greater understanding of those characters. Although I initially despised Mr Brown and Adam, I ended up feeling a little bad for them. However, I still hate them.

The writing style while not exquisite is gripping. The raw emotions that could be felt through the story are conveyed beautifully, and with conviction. That is not often present in novels, especially in fictions that are written by a debutant author.

The sheer pull on the heart strings is what makes this a novel read. The only gripe on this story is that the chapters apart from the prologue are quite small, but the regular releases more that makes up for that.

The gramatical perfection of this story can't be stated enough. I thought other reviews were joking before I read it. They were not. Every sentence is clear and precise with its meaning and structure. I would want this author as my editor!

Style: Third person narratives are the most common on this site, and I far prefer them to first person. Especially with the level of detail and for lack of a bettter term purity of purpose that this book has. The daily chapter releases are clearly doing their part for this story. I can't wait for more people to find out about this one.

Story: What a prologue. I was hooked from the first chapter and theres so much room for the story and characters to grow. I only have one half complaint, I enjoy info-dumps and when worldbuilding is slowly done through dialogue I sometimes find myself just wanting to be info-dumped on. (Weird sentence out of context).

Grammar: As I said before. Perfect. Thats not an exaggeration.

Character: Each one is unique and has defined motivations and dialogue quirks that set them apart. I am a huge fan of this and I'm looking forward to seeing all of them grow and change as the story goes on. (Perhaps die!)

All in all. You're missing out if you haven't read this one yet. Do yourself a favor and fix that as soon as possible!

The Potentate is an intriguing and ambitious story framed around the idea of class warfare between the common "ordinary" people and a magical ruling class known as the Leiths.

Style: The Potentate's style is its greatest strength. The writer uses evocative--and at times, borderline poetic--language to build out its world and describe characters. This makes for a dramatic and absorbing reading experience that softens its readers up for gut-punch after emotional gut-punch.

Bananadragon excels at writing tragedy, and it is the moments of hopelessness and pain in her work that stick with me most.

Story: The Potentate's worldbuilding is interesting and appropriately paced. It refuses to rush its characters or their growth in service of the plot, which is a brave and admirable choice considering how many stories on RR start with bombastic beginnings with little or no mystery to them.

The prologue, in particular, left me with many questions (in a good way). I was left wanting to know more about Victor and his sister, and what they meant to Morrigan's journey. 

Grammar: Overall, The Potentate's grammar is well-executed. If I had one criticism of the story, it would be that the story's poetic prose can sometimes make it difficult to envision what a descriptive passage is telling you, and some word choices--while evocative--end up at odds with their base definitions.

Example: In part 3 of the prologue, falling pillars "bellow" to the ground. This word choice does a good job of communicating the sound and intensity of the pillars' motion, but technically speaking the word is not a good fit for describing what a pillar is doing when it falls.

This push-pull between clarity and evocativeness is something every writer struggles with. Bananadragon is obviously talented, though; I have no doubt she will rise to the occasion and find a balance that really works for her as the story goes on :)

Character: I have no complaints about The Potentate's characters. Victor is especially well-drawn, and the introductory sequence between Morrigan and her friends did a great job of detailing them all in quick, broad strokes. The interaction between Morrigan and her sick father was particularly well-done. Bananadragon is a master of bonding you to her characters through the power of tragic circumstances--a skill that she will be able to rely on many times throughout the story, I'm sure, given its nature as a dystopian work.

All in all I enjoyed my time with The Potentate. Bananadragon is a talented writer with limitless potential, and I would encourage anyone reading this to consider giving this story a try!

The Potentate is a spellbinding tale of Morrigan, an ordinary girl who discovers she's one of the Leiths, a super-powered individual used to control the population in a dystopian regime. This shocking revelation sends her on a journey of self-discovery as she uncovers the truth about her world and the role she's expected to play in it.

Style Score 5/5: The writing style is polished and flows effortlessly. The pace is thrilling and dialogue is authentic. I particularly enjoy the dystopian setting of the story!

Story score 5/5: The world-building is phenomenal, painting a vivid picture of a doomed dystopia through small details and anecdotes. The oppressive government serves as a compelling antagonist, driving the narrative forward. 

Grammar score 5/5: This is my least important rating, I only require a story is legible for me to enjoy it. But the Potentate is flawless,without any obvious errors.

Character score 5/5: This is where the book truly shines. The cast of characters is vivid, developed with great care and skill. Every interaction feels genuine and it's impossible not to become invested in these endearing characters.

In conclusion, I highly recommended The Potentate to lovers of Dystopian worlds. From writing to world-building to character development, everything about this book is gripping and compelling! ♥

I found it a little hard to place this one, but eventually I ended up on a solid 4.5 for it. Why? Well, while the style is not to my tastes there are some excellent scenes in here and a very promising and detailed plot in here. A slow burn worth reading through and discovering all of the twists and turns and lovely world building. To be honest it sort of reminds me of a YA novel. Which may be its intention but anyway! Onto the categories.

Style:

Not a fan of it as previously stated. There are a fair number of things just skipped over and the prose is not especially engaging. It doesn’t help with drawing me into the story personally, though it may not be an issue for you, reader of this review.

Grammar:

As usual with most stories on RR, nothing that really stands out to me. Though that is me and I’m not good at grammar checks.

Story:

And here is the meat of this series. While the plot is still forming it’s taking its time and I like that. The worldbuilding here is nice and deep with it being slowly revealed over the course of the plot. There is some lovely foreshadowing in the prologue and in little news reports here and there that I love to see, with B5 coming to mind.

Character:

They’re decent, though the prose does not help with distinguishing who’s speaking. But I’m getting to know them nicely so thumbs up for that.

Overall, a good series to read here, give it a shot! Especially if you like some YA style dystopias (The good ones though, this isn’t a bad one).

As someone who does not sleep good, I must ask that, if possible, after reading this review, BananaDragon, you must try to sleep good every so often. Some of your Author's Notes made it seem like you did not sleep good trying to submit a chapter. There are also some grammatical mistakes that throw me for a loop. (One of your Author's Notes suggested a time table for the fic and I'm hoping there is time in your schedule once you finish this story in it's entirety to edit everything, but life is a busy, messy affair, so I understand.)

I also have to mention the pacing. I can only assume some things (about the story, about the fiction's world, about our own perceived world, etc. etc.) and something something burn out, something something a lot of writing, something something, excitement about new story, something something recent chapters seem very fast-paced compared to earlier chapters, something something sometimes felt like I missed a chapter or two, something something, might have missed a chapter or two, something something reading at 3 am (I apologize for the something somethings, sleep deprivation is not all it's cracked up to be).

But the story promises mystery and the start gives us characters we can be friends, acquaintances, with maybe? Juro hits different and I might've missed something about Elizabeth (read: I really feel like I missed something about Elizabeth and why she behaves the way she does 

Or maybe I'm super oblivious idk, I'm too tired!) but I feel some comaderie (oh man, this better be the right spelling) with Alyssa, my boi Bruno deserves, and Morr becomes real nice with that third act reveal. Wait this was about pacing -- oh right! The story in the relatively recent chapters feels likes certain scenes or actions are coming out of left field and the stakes or reasonings behind character's actions are coming from nowhere. Now this is an actual spoiler as I can't really think of how to talk about this without name dropping or it being too vague and confusing so definitely skip and also it'll become irrelevant once where I've caught up for now moves but I'll still keep it light on spoilers so beware!

[Quietly ignore the very long spoiler where I rant please]

Anyways, might've gone off the rails but I enjoy the story so far (and some AU stories of the gang like the Valentine's Day stuff is very fun) to the point where I can use it to stay up longer throughout the night (and no one tell me that's a bad idea or I'm going to regret staying up as I now need to stay up for 25+ hours now all while outside in heat). I dont feel like the star ranking system conveys enough, and I have to be honest, this is not a story I believe is an objective 4 out of 5. However, the stylings of certain scenes or the way a certain action is written really sticks with me and especially with each character actually having reasons for doing things (I'm just not privy to all of it, but would really wish I knew more about certain character's leanings but I am also willing to wait I just think certain things need to be a bit more coherent like as to whether Juro is in love, is a simp, or a secret agent sent through time to change the past so his future never happens with the notion that he will never interact with the present him only to find out too late that his memories of this time were doctored by a separate faction seeking to use the confusion created by a sudden and spontaneous bodily explosion ((idk what happens when you see your time doppelganger for more than a half second)) of future Juro to secure the key of the plan to create a literal rift in the continents to find the hidden jungles of the upper crust in order to gain vast quantities of resources) [for awhile I thought Juro was a spy, alright?] [cont. from the cliffhanger of that last sentence] I grow or can grow to empathize with the characters and see where their actions are coming from. Thank gods for subjectivity. Cuz this story is a 4 out of 5 for the impact it's had for me. TYFTC and remember, good sleep!