The Potentate

This story is very well written and the prologue definitely had me thirsting for more! The characters are well developed and the plot is intriguing from the very beginning. I am very much looking forward to how the remainder of the story goes. I was especially interested in the disparity between the Leiths and the ordinary citizens. My mind is teeming with questions about where the story will go and I can't wait to see! 

The prose in this is tremendously well done. I am so impressed by the writing style and the characters already. 

The style is to the point, but the prose is beautiful. The grammar is all within good ranges of acceptable and does not in any way hinder the story. The Characters are amazing and leave you wanting to know more and more about them. Can't wait to see where this goes!

My definite favorite part was the prologue with the brother and sister in constant competition with one another and I definitely want to know more about Victor. The sister seems like she's toying with her younger brother until she ends up defending him after his construct explodes. Definitely want to learn more about that. 

From the prologue, wow, this story immediately immerses you in the world. It is a divided community of "ordinary people" and those with powers. 

This story has beautifully captured the deep importance of how "Power" is used and abused. I feel like (me projecting my own feelings) the ones with powers could easily fix their issues with a little hard work. (Calling back to the scene of the discovery of powers.) Yet, they choose not to. They let the masses suffer. It goes to show, how even fixable problems will be overlooked, in the interest of keeping the divide between them. I am eager to keep reading about how our hero will disrupt this pattern of corruption. 

The style is creative and engaging, with room to grow to create clear and concise descriptive scenes. 

The story explains itself; it isn't tethered to one perspective (which can leave holes in the story to later be explained). The characters are all developing within believable parameters based on the given situation. The main character has so many things to work through and develop, and it's exciting to be on the journey with her. 

The supporting character (in many ways) Juro, is a great companion, has our main character's best interest at heart, and also has a code of moral ethics that won't waver. He is an early favorite, and I cannot wait to see how the story develops further. 

This is an early review just post the prologue, so the review might change, but I feel this story already warrants five stars, it has a unique setting, the prologue really sets up the world, the needs and wants of the people, characters in the world, and the Leiths (Leithians? Leithii? Leithuvians?) 

Morr's story will be an interesting read and I hope it continues for a long time with her navigating her newfound powers and what she can do.

The Potentate is the story of an ordinary girl, Morrigan, trying to surive in a dystopian regime after realizing she is one of the Leiths, one of the super-powered individuals used to control the population.

Style:   A consistent perspective and very smooth writing.   The pace is solid and exciting.  Dialogue is natural. No complains.

Story:  Fantastic world building.  The distopian, doomed setting is slowly revealed by small details and annecdotes.  The ruthless authoritarian government drives the narrative as faceless antagonist.

While I'm still giving 5 for story because of the strenght of everything else, I do have one small complain about the way Morrigan doesn't confront her father about her powers until after she has told so many people keeping them secret becomes impossible.  Having her mother draged off in front of her should have made her a tiny bit more cautious.  It feels an etsy bit contrived.

Grammar:  Near perfect.  My need to edit went mostly unfufilled.

Character:  The strongest element.  A vibrant cast developed with great care and skill.  Each interaction feels genuine, and one can't help but root for these sympathetic characters.

Conclusion:  I highly recommend The Potentate.   In terms of writing, worldbuilding, characters, everything is gripping.  You'll find yourself relentlessly click "next chapter" to discover what happens next. It's an addicting read.

A story I find is well worth checking out.

Style (4.5/5)

Overall it has a relatively nice flow. There are, though, several points where it’s hard to figure out exactly what’s happening. I also found a few issues of some words or information repeated close together, making it feel a bit awkward. Occasionally I felt there was a slight problem with some exposition veering on info dumps, at least because it doesn’t seem immediately relevant; it isn’t frequent, though.

Story (4.5/5)

Prologue aside—which does give a good impression of what the story’s going to be about—the actual opening chapter feels a bit off. It presents the information in an odd way, taking me out of the story to try to piece together the events. After that, it’s a bit slower than what most might prefer, but it’s still good. Again excluding the prologue, the story focuses on Morrigan as she tries to understand her new powers. By the end first episode, it seems to be shaping into a worthy adventure.

Grammar (4.5/5)

Most of it is fine, but I found a couple minor errors here and there.

Character (4.5/5)

Some of the dialogues and interactions are awkward, and it felt like there was a lack of emotion to their words—something that may have more to the style than the characters themselves. But there were still some interactions that made me grin, which is something very few of the stories I’ve read on here have been able to do.

This story is clearly a story with alot of depth and complexity behind it. It starts with a 5000 word prologue that does a couple things, not least of which is blatantly estalbish that the ruling structure of the country is interested entirely in itself as a class and not its nation as a people--there is a distinct feeling of britain and the potato famine (a famine is a triggering event for alot of things). The feeling is further increased by the fact that the ruling class has mostly sent itself away from the ruled, starving class, and that it fights wars for teh glory of the empire even as people starve. 

This is a slow start story -- the 5000 word prologue I mentioned above should have been a clue to that.it continues in that vein. This is not an action packed thriller, nor is it quippy and 'fun'. Its deep, its complex, and it is filled with alot of darkness and heartbreak even in the first 10k. I personally don't mind a slower story--I read monster evo stories where the 'story' has barely adavanced in 40 chatpers, and a small spider has become a hand-szied spider--but please be aware if reading.

Anyway, upshot is -- give it a try if you want a slow-burn magical political thriller.

I'll start by saying that I do not particularly like dystopian (or post-apocalyptic) stories. Something about the underlying but predominating sense of dread and despair just puts me off. I'll watch it but I don't always love it. There ARE exceptions, of course. AoT, Hunger Games, Maze Runner, and Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint being the famous ones that I can remember off the top of my head. And now this story has been added to the list of exceptions. When I started this, I honestly did not expect to like it much and I am pleasantly surprised!

The story is set in a dystopian world where there are the Leiths who can use magic and the common people who can't. The common people suffer under their totalitarian regime. The Leiths live a luxurious life whereas the common people live on pennies while they're forced to give corps tax to the Leiths and to fight in a senseless war. Our main character, Morrigan, is a common girl, or so she believes. She starts to develop powers that only Leiths are supposed to have and dark secrets start to come to light. Her life is upended as everything she thought she knew is turned upside down. 

Now, onto the review!

Style: Love it! The pacing is well done. The prose is strong but flows freely and easily. It's not hard to understand and it doesn't try to be poetic. The perfect amount of dialogue and character interaction, in my opinion. And the author writes the thoughts and emotions so well! 5/5

Story: Welp, I think I said everything that needed to be said in this regard. A dystopian story that I actually enjoyed. That's unusual. The story combines so many elements that I like, a strong MC, some love in the air, secrets abound, magic, mystery, and some friendship. I think what I liked most is that it does not make it seem all hopeless. There is hope, there is determination, there is a sense of light at the end of the tunnel. I love it. 

Grammar: Perfect. 5/5

Character: JURO WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO FRUSTRATING??? Ahem, anyway. The characters are well-made, they feel real. The author clearly put quite a bit of thought into their creation. What I like is that the other side characters are not just there to complement the main character. Every character has their own screentime, every character has a believable backstory, and you feel something or other for each character, be it like, dislike, affection, frustration, etc. I love the character interaction and how each character acts and reacts so differently to the situation they're put in. Sometimes, it's hard to pull off so many characters at once and some parts might become stiff. There was no such problem here. The group of friends working together is a bit nostalgic for me because I used to love reading a series that features a group of teens working together to solve mysteries. While this story is a lot darker, the interactions between the friends - full of determination despite the situation - remind me of that. 

Overall: 5/5 

Well done, author. You have weaved a beautiful story. Keep it up!

The Potentate is a surprisingly good work that, despite its somber atmosphere, is a lot of fun to read. At least if you like drama, well-timed build-up of tension, and varied, colorful characters.

Style: The writing style is great so far. I had a really good reading flow and loved the world, we are introduced to. It is bleak and there is no skimping on the necessary details, which creates a good immersion. Nevertheless, there are no info dumps that overload the reader with (too much) world-building. Everything a good story needs is in the mix

Story: As already said, the emphasis is on the dramatic and dark part of the story. The plot is easy to follow and the author keeps the readers engaged. My highlight o far were Chapters 7 and 8, which I cannot tell you anything about without a major spoiler. If you want to give The Potentate a chance, you should definitely read at least this far.

Grammar Score: I really don't know what I could write here. Flawless writing, I didn't spot any mistakes.

Character Score: We've already met some characters who are well-built. They lack neither depth nor personality. I like the cast so much. There is no moral compass, instead we get different characters making decisions based on their personalities and their experiences. That's how it should be, that's how I want to read it.

So, for everyone who is hesitating about giving this story a try, you should. Alright it might not help much but you could read the in-depth conclusion I have reached at if you want to know more about the story before dedicating yourself to it.

Story : As explained in the synopsis, it is a story about a girl who had just awakened her powers, but it is the one which no one has heard of (more to it in the story). There is a situation already at play before the story began of the classic oppressive government vs the poor citizens. Honestly, that part is quite well written except I believe the author went too far with it. The author has a great way of describing the emotions, quite honestly and that could possibly be the best part for me along with the wonderful metaphors at the crucial parts of the story. 

Style : The writing style is quite good as it flows wonderfully. It gives you a near perfect amount of details to work your imagination with, not too high that you’ll skip over it or not too low that there might just be a hazy outline in your imagination, helping with the immersiveness in the story. The pacing was quite alright in my taste. I like slow burns and rapid rise equally as long as it's well written and the characters aren’t two dimensional. Speaking about characters,

Characters : Every, literally every character (maybe skip one? But she might play a role too) introduced at least up to the fourteen chapters I read had an impact on the story. Every single one of them was beautifully framed and given a goal and personality, something rare to see in other novels where they quite literally keep introducing and discarding the characters. You’ll start to love/hate (or just bond) with the characters easily due to the masterful portraying of emotions and POVs by the author. And even if you do hate them, isn’t that proof of the author’s capability at writing which evokes emotions in you?

Plot : it starts out simple. Literally, the powers, the friends, the classic government vs citizen, it all feels simple but is filled with foreshadowings. Here comes the best part and one which I absolutely admire from a point of view of another author,

“The simplicity with which the complexity of the plot is delivered is absolutely astounding.”

Irony, and that’s what makes me keep reading it. 

Grammar : Can’t say much as english isn’t my first language. But you’ll have no difficulties reading it and concluding from the comments after the chapters, they are extremely few (which don’t even hamper your reading experience in the first place) and the author fixes them quickly. 

Cons - 1. In an attempt by the author to keep things mysterious, a little world building in your imagination would have to be sacrificed. But keep in mind guys, I only read 14 chapters and it’s absolutely alright for that, it definitely won’t lessen the joy you’ll get from reading it. 

2. The government vs citizens which I spoke about earlier. From what I read and interpreted, The government couldn’t be THAT stupid to keep overworking and overtaxing the citizens which literally feed them. But it is (this is why I felt the author went too far with this). Of course again haha, the story hasn’t progressed a lot, a lot of things might be going on in the background which prompts them to act this way and we don’t know.

These two cons wouldn’t really even be cons if the story had more chapters. You get what I am saying :)

Conclusion : Seriously? You want more stuff to make up your mind? Just go for it (Honestly I am tired by now after describing how good the story is repeatedly).

Keep writing, Author! 

I would like to start out by saying this is far from my usual genre, as I prefer action and grimdarkness  to be the main focus of a story. With that said, The Potentate had me hooked by the end of the first Prologue chapter. It is a gripping story focusing on classist struggles in grim dystopian society. 

Story: As mentioned above, it is a gripping narrative. Though it starts slow, it uses that slowness to introduce the world and characters, which are the linchpins of the story. The Prologue alone is strong enough to stand on it’s own, everything afterward perfectly capitalizes on the strong start. Even keeping you apprised of the aftermath of the prologue while focusing on the main set of Characters.

Style: Smooth. That’s the best description of the style. It flows very easily, and is written with a clear well throughout format.

Grammar: 99.9% Perfect, there are a couple words missing in a few chapters but they are hardly noticeable.

Characters: All of the characters are very well written, and are honestly the stars of the show. Each character feels real and human, making mistakes and struggling with their own problems. My only gripe is that I feel a certain character should be a bit more secretive about her powers.

Conclusion: If you are hesitant on reading The Potentate, just jump into it. It’s a solid read with stellar characters and if the grim, dystopian world being built doesn’t catch your eye, then the narrative certainly will. An easy 5 Star story.